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Original poster

2nd date too soon to sleep with him?

312 replies

Tiddlywink222 · 09/01/2024 22:39

I’m normally very sure of myself with this sort of stuff but been out of the dating game for a while!

Met a guy on OLD in December. Chatted a lot. Had a phone call before meeting for over an hour - all good. No red flags.

Met IRL just before Christmas. I live quite far away from him, he offered to pay for my train fare and hotel if it meant we could be more relaxed in the evening and not worry about missing my last train back. Sorted that, all fine, 5* hotel… made it clear there were no expectations and all under my name. We had drinks and then dinner at a very nice restaurant. Got on really well, really relaxed and fun. I haven’t dated anyone seriously for nearly two years as I was heartbroken after my last relationship and this is the first time I’ve actually felt a bit of a spark with someone else since.

He stayed with me in the end as it got late, but we didn’t have sex and he didn’t push it. Kissed a lot, stayed PG 😅 Had breakfast together, he made sure I got home safely. All fine.
I think it should have felt too much quite early on but it didn’t at all, weirdly. I offered for him to stay he wasn’t pushy about it.

He went on holiday straight after Christmas and has messaged me every day, not in a weird intense way just general chit chat, flirty but not overtly sexual. He’s made it clear he’s interested and wants to see me again.

This weekend we’re supposed to meet up for a second date. It’s clear we had a lot of chemistry previously and tbh I want to sleep with him but worried second date is too soon, despite talking for over a month now, and quite a lot of investment both sides given distance. I imagine he’d be happy getting me somewhere to stay again.

I wouldn’t sleep with him unless things were exclusive but I feel it’s too early to ‘insist’ on that without it coming across like I’m pushing for something really serious. I’m not, I just don’t sleep with people casually.

Thoughts? I’m worried I’m overthinking this. I don’t get the impression he’s out to use me, but I feel like I’m out of practice and don’t want to be naive.

OP posts:
pinkyponkyplink · 09/01/2024 22:41

20 years ago I slept with my husband on a second date

B1rd · 09/01/2024 22:53

Go with the flow...

Naptrappedmummy · 09/01/2024 22:54

Yes, too soon.

LaunchingTeabag · 09/01/2024 22:57

Go for it.

I just had a wonderful year with a man I slept with on the first date. 😂

Didn't work out long term due to our kids.

Backinthedress · 09/01/2024 22:59

Just do what you're comfortable with. Rules are bollocks

Original poster
Tiddlywink222 · 09/01/2024 22:59

LaunchingTeabag · 09/01/2024 22:57

Go for it.

I just had a wonderful year with a man I slept with on the first date. 😂

Didn't work out long term due to our kids.

Sorry to hear that…🙁 thank you though - I dunno I just have ‘must wait until third date’ ingrained upon my mind!

I’m also worried that the fact I’m thinking about it so much means I quite like him 😂

OP posts:
Doglover19 · 09/01/2024 23:00

If you actually want sex with him who cares if it's your first date, 3rd or 24th ! Least if the sex isn't that good you ain't wasting more time ha .

Thelootllama · 09/01/2024 23:01

Not related to your question, but why are you the one going to him? Is he not staying near you for the second date?

Catladyireland · 09/01/2024 23:07

If you're both ready that is all that matters. If it's going to work out, it will work out no matter what date you sleep together on

Whataretheodds · 09/01/2024 23:10

If you feel it's too soon then it's too soon.

The thing is that at this early stage things could fizzle out for all sorts of reasons. If that happens after you've slept with him will you mind more?

Original poster
Tiddlywink222 · 09/01/2024 23:12

Thelootllama · 09/01/2024 23:01

Not related to your question, but why are you the one going to him? Is he not staying near you for the second date?

There’s not really anywhere as nice to go out near where I live I suppose! It’s not as though he’s said he’d never come here, just haven’t suggested it. I live basically in the middle of nowhere and would have to drive to my nearest city for somewhere decent anyway, so to be honest would rather travel and have the option of staying there and not have to drive.

OP posts:
Thelootllama · 09/01/2024 23:17

Tiddlywink222 · 09/01/2024 23:12

There’s not really anywhere as nice to go out near where I live I suppose! It’s not as though he’s said he’d never come here, just haven’t suggested it. I live basically in the middle of nowhere and would have to drive to my nearest city for somewhere decent anyway, so to be honest would rather travel and have the option of staying there and not have to drive.

Show quote history

I understand. I was more asking from the point of view that I would be concerned if I was always the one offering or being expected to come to him, with him never reciprocating or offering to.

Original poster
Tiddlywink222 · 09/01/2024 23:18

Thelootllama · 09/01/2024 23:17

I understand. I was more asking from the point of view that I would be concerned if I was always the one offering or being expected to come to him, with him never reciprocating or offering to.

Show quote history

Yep agreed - which is also why he’s paid for travel etc as well, would not have agreed otherwise!

OP posts:
Ellie6489 · 09/01/2024 23:22

I think you're overthinking this, just let it happen organically. You'll know when the time is right.

Sashya · 09/01/2024 23:22

You are both grown ups. Have sex with him if you feel like it. You sound like you do - you have chemistry and he seems nice. It's as much as you can know about him at this early juncture.
Whether or not it works out - it won't be because sleeping with him on date X, Y or Z.
And as to "casual" vs exclusive - again - it's about whether or not you work together as a couple. It seems he is making an effort to court you. And it's early days.

Go with a flow - it's still early!

Indifferentchickenwings · 10/01/2024 00:26

Shag him
especially if it’s been this long and hard to meet

i think you are overthinking this a bit

MissConductUS · 10/01/2024 00:32

He sounds lovely. I can’t see a reason not to sleep with him.

I once slept with a bloke on our second date. We’ve been happily married for 26 years and he’s been a brilliant husband and father. When it’s right, it’s right.

penjil · 10/01/2024 01:00

Do you feel that as he's paying for a hotel and dinner every time you go over near his place, that you feel obliged to consider sex earlier than you should, as sex would somehow be paying him back and you don't want to be seen to be taking the piss?

Muchof · 10/01/2024 01:05

I think do what you like and no it is not too soon. Although I don’t really like this getting you hotels, it seems like it is in anticipation of sex and was last time too.

mcdonaldschip · 10/01/2024 01:07

Do what feels right and what you're comfortable with.

I slept with my husband on our first date (but we had been friends for over a month after meeting on tinder). It wasn't planned, it just happened as it felt right.

sammylady37 · 10/01/2024 01:07

Tiddlywink222 · 09/01/2024 23:18

Yep agreed - which is also why he’s paid for travel etc as well, would not have agreed otherwise!

Show quote history

You wouldn’t have agreed to a date near him unless he paid for your travel and accommodation?

Ownedbykitties · 10/01/2024 01:10

Too soon. Don't give everything all at once. The fun is in the chase. Too much too soon takes the excitement out of things. Men generally like to pursue someone.

penjil · 10/01/2024 01:15

Muchof · 10/01/2024 01:05

I think do what you like and no it is not too soon. Although I don’t really like this getting you hotels, it seems like it is in anticipation of sex and was last time too.

I would feel obliged to sleep with him if he kept doing that. He'd want something for his money.

How many times would he pay for a hotel without sex before he'd get annoyed?

Original poster
Tiddlywink222 · 10/01/2024 05:22

penjil · 10/01/2024 01:15

I would feel obliged to sleep with him if he kept doing that. He'd want something for his money.

How many times would he pay for a hotel without sex before he'd get annoyed?

Edited
Show quote history

I hardly see how it’s a bad thing that given I was the one travelling, he covered the cost of that and the hotel. I kind of expect to have to travel a bit to date anyway because I don’t live near anything.

I offered to meet for lunch, instead, but if dinner was more convenient I’d have to stay, so he got the hotel to make to make that possible. My preference too tbh, but I’d never pay for all that simply to meet a man. I don’t feel ‘obliged’ to sleep with him because of that.

is it better to go 50:50 on everything, fund all my own travel as well as put in the travel time, only to sleep with him eventually anyway? 😵‍💫

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 10/01/2024 05:33

Go for it ! I slept with DH on the first date !