2nd date too soon to sleep with him?

[Tiddlywink222]

I’m normally very sure of myself with this sort of stuff but been out of the dating game for a while!

Met a guy on OLD in December. Chatted a lot. Had a phone call before meeting for over an hour - all good. No red flags.

Met IRL just before Christmas. I live quite far away from him, he offered to pay for my train fare and hotel if it meant we could be more relaxed in the evening and not worry about missing my last train back. Sorted that, all fine, 5* hotel… made it clear there were no expectations and all under my name. We had drinks and then dinner at a very nice restaurant. Got on really well, really relaxed and fun. I haven’t dated anyone seriously for nearly two years as I was heartbroken after my last relationship and this is the first time I’ve actually felt a bit of a spark with someone else since.

He stayed with me in the end as it got late, but we didn’t have sex and he didn’t push it. Kissed a lot, stayed PG 😅 Had breakfast together, he made sure I got home safely. All fine.
I think it should have felt too much quite early on but it didn’t at all, weirdly. I offered for him to stay he wasn’t pushy about it.

He went on holiday straight after Christmas and has messaged me every day, not in a weird intense way just general chit chat, flirty but not overtly sexual. He’s made it clear he’s interested and wants to see me again.

This weekend we’re supposed to meet up for a second date. It’s clear we had a lot of chemistry previously and tbh I want to sleep with him but worried second date is too soon, despite talking for over a month now, and quite a lot of investment both sides given distance. I imagine he’d be happy getting me somewhere to stay again.

I wouldn’t sleep with him unless things were exclusive but I feel it’s too early to ‘insist’ on that without it coming across like I’m pushing for something really serious. I’m not, I just don’t sleep with people casually.

Thoughts? I’m worried I’m overthinking this. I don’t get the impression he’s out to use me, but I feel like I’m out of practice and don’t want to be naive.

I slept with DH on the first date and I don’t regret that one iota. Slept with a few guys on the first date tbh and don’t regret a thing. There’s no perfect time to have sex for the first time, if you’re into each other then let it happen organically. Stop overthinking it.

Thanks - I did shag him, and it was excellent 😂

**
anyway we did end up having sex because it just felt natural and I wasn’t worried about it at all when it came to it.

Well done for getting another hotel stay 😁😁😁. But seriously doubt there will now be another date

Sorry to disappoint you but he’s already arranged it 😂

@Coincidentally could you BE any more jealous 😂😂😂

Watching this with some interest! Maybe we sceptics are wrong. I've had a man be very masculine and pay for everything at the beginning, but it just didn't last. We lived in separate countries, and like you, the only way he could see me was to make a gargantuan effort. It was lovely at first, and I did feel taken care of, but then he spoiled it after a few months, by seeming resentful, even while he was insisting. Perhaps his spending simply matched his interest level, which waned.

Go with how you feel. You do not need anyone's permission or opinion to do what you want to do. In 2004 I slept with a man on the first date. Actually, it wasn't even a date - I met him in a bar on a works function/business trip and married him 6 years later. There are no rules.

Thought I’d give a little update for those who asked particularly given this thread became far more controversial than anticipated 😅

He’s booked a little weekend away nearer to me for a spa / hotel thing next weekend. Kind of a combined date / birthday present as I had my birthday recently. He’s also learning how to play an instrument and learned how to do happy birthday on that and sent that to me 😂 which was kind of almost a bit cringe but also super cute he took the time, so I can live with it!

just finding it weird because it’s all easy and natural and consistent and I’m not used to it! But glad it didn’t seem to be a purely sexual thing. I guess you have to trust your instincts and just trying not to second guess anything. It’s early days but we’ll see!

That's nice, I'm glad you're having fun. Out of interest if it doesn't go any further after Birthday Weekend, would you regret sleeping with him?

No I wouldn’t regret it. If I felt his intentions were purely sexual then yeah but given how he’s been I don’t think that’s true. So even if it ultimately didn’t work out I’d be ok with that. Would be a shame but I wouldn’t regret it.

OP
I have the same attitude to dating, equality etc as you.

He sounds nice. I say wait. I reckon it’s still a bit soon. And nothing to gain by rushing.

But also (granted there may be a shortage of good men and there might not be many/any in your area) a lot of this could have been avoided by only dating more locally.
As I say, you’ve met him now and you like him but it’s hard to date and get to know someone without giving him HOURS of your time, when the date involves an overnight stay. Regardless of him paying (I’m ok with that) it will requires a lot of time/ effort of your part for a date.

Sorry, didn’t see the last update. He sounds promising. Enjoy and good luck!

Thanks - yeah it made sense to date where he is as will be moving back there in the not too distant future anyway!

it’s a fair amount of effort for now but I’m hoping it will be worth it. Having fun for now anyway ☺️