He didn't know an invite over would mean sex

[Catladyireland]

Hi,

I have posted a little bit about this man before. We had been in an on/off relationship and i invited him over for 'movie and takeaway'. He was being quite strange about it, very kind of cold which I thought of as strange considering our past. I thought movie and takeaway was code that every adult would know....

I asked him tonight how did he feel about it and he said 'it's not a big deal, just food and a movie'. He says he thought I just meant food and a movie, he didn't make a connection about anything physical.

He's 39. What do others think about this? Seems ridiculous not to make that connection.

Op, I’m. A woman and I will respond. You asked him over, after months if sexting, to spend time with you, movie and a takeaway. He basically told you he wasn’t interested. He’s also telling you this by not asking you.

I’m not sure how much clearer you need it to be? Sure yes if you ask him to come round and shag you , yes he will, likely, but you clearly want more from him, and he is being very clear he isn’t interested.

asking randoms on the internet if he’s interested will not change it, and you know the answer.

Do you not think if he was truly interested and invested in you then he would have made an effort to see you? Sexting for weeks and he hasn't made any effort to see you in person?
He could have taken you out if he wanted to spend time with you.
You've made all the effort with him and invited him round. He hasn't contacted you for days and has made zero effort. Are you still willing to invite him in and potentially into your bed when he thinks so little of you? He's not willing to give you anything you're looking for.
Cut him off for good this time. He's just a head fuck. Stop trying to figure him out by making multiple posts. If there is confusion, then he's not interested. Period.

I wouldn't bother with this one OP, seems like too much hassle.

I’ll be honest OP it sounds like he’s completely lost interest. If the nudes and an invite over have him going ‘meh’ then he’s either not into you, he’s met someone else and just wants you as back up or he’s fading on you wondering why you’re not taking the hint.

I don't know any men who would interpret it any other way to be honest. I don't think I've ever even made it to the end of the movie, there's one Marvel movie I've seen about half of multiple times now 😂

If they'd always been just friends that would be different.

You offered yourself up on a plate and he was not arsed either way.

Sounds like he's already full up.

No, given the OP's been sexting and sending nudes, he'd be stupid to think that an invitation to hers wouldn't very probably lead to sex. If he wanted sex, he'd have taken the chance given the high probability, or would have at least probed a bit further before coming round (and given they'd sexted he wouldn't likely have been shy about doing that).

If a guy is interested in having sex with a woman, he doesn't turn down being invited to her place just because she doesn't explicitly tell him she's wanting sexual...

Why should you forget him because he wanted to come over to spend time with you watching a film and have some food? Surely that’s better than someone coming over just to have sex? If a friend was to invite me over I would know it’s for food and a film, if someone who I had been texting, flirting and did have a sexual relationship with invited me over then I would think we’re having food and a film but chances are we might end up having sex, so he was abit slow not to think that

No. He didn't want to come over when he thought it was just a film and food.
He was more keen when he found out that the OP was planning sex too.

However the OP was hoping it was going to be more of a chill and be intimate and get their relationship back on track evening..........he clearly had no interest in that though because he wasn't interested when he thought it was just spending time with her, and only showed an interest when he thought they'd have sex.

I'm really not sure why she sent a big apology message though.

Ohh I completely missed all that I read it as though he was happy to spend time with her and he wasn’t thinking about sex but I have just read the updates.
Yeh maybe you should forget him then OP if you’re on different pages.

Last guy I dated when he invited me for a dinner I knew what it really meant yes. I made plans to stay overnight (left bag in the car) and after my second glass of wine he said I could stay in one of the kids beds if I wasn’t comfortable staying with him. He knew I would be and of course I did. So yeah for me I’d be expecting a bit more if invited to someone’s house over meeting in a public place

He texted today. I explained that I was embarrassed about the assumption I made (hence why I apologised to him) and I said I'd happily meet him out instead, but he wouldn't be coming over. He's a bit miffed and I quote 'well not to be too crude, but having sex would have been nice!'

There’s your answer, it’s just an easy shag, he doesn’t want more. If that’s what you want then go for it but if it’s not, avoid as you will feel,like utter shit when he makes it even clearer than he is now,

Why would you meet him out instead?
You can't force men like this to care about you by making them wait a bit for sex.

It's been 2 years, if he hasn't started treating you like you deserve by now then he's not going to.

Oops, sorry, wrong thread.

I'm a bit lost now... So it sounds like he would have been up for sex (which ties in with the sexting and nudes), but he took your offer of a takeaway and film completely literally and didn't see there was a strong chance that sex would follow?!

Either he's only interested in "sex", and he can't even be bothered spending time eating and watching a film first... and he doesn't even want even the slightest bit of the "friends" part of a FWB, just purely the "benefits". He just wants to turn up, shag, and go, like you're a hooker. That's not a man to hope for a relationship with in a million years.

Or he is so completely literal that he couldn't connect the sexting and nudes, with the idea that sex would
be - at the very least - a distinct possibility (I'd have read it as a near certainty given the back story!)... To be quite that very literal, I'd have thought he's quite probably somewhere on the autism spectrum.

Yeah he messaged last night to say he's not interested in anything. He would still like to see me (think he was saving face) but he's not interested and doesn't believe the sexting was leading me on as it was just 'nice to share'

So you'd suggested him coming over and assumed the 2 of you would have had sex. He had missed that assumption but when you clarified he was up for it? That's nothing to be embarrassed about 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have read your most recent update and it's clear he's not interested but would have had sex if it was on offer (sorry to be blunt OP).

You'd obviously read the signs correctly and could sense this so good on you for that.

I think why this post has confused so many people (and perhaps the guy), is that you started off by giving the impression you wanted to invite him round on the premise of re-starting a relationship and were using sex as a way of luring him back in the hope he'd realise he wanted a relationship.

In the future maybe just be more upfront and honest about what you actually want (including yourself). Don't invite someone round for sex if you're hoping to rebuild a relationship. And if you're hoping to rebuild a relationship be honest about that?! If that scares an ex off they're already not interested so you'll save yourself a whole lot of time and stress

I’m sorry, I think that was clear and you knew it. But didn’t want to accept it. Just block and lick your wounds for awhile.

What's with the codes. Why not be straight from the off. What's the big deal between 2 adults that have previously had sex.

Netflix and chill doesn't mean sex to me or to many others.

"Netflix and chill" is definitely a well known euphemism for sex. I know that as a not particularly "cool" 48 year old! It's like thinking "taking a rain check" actually means looking out the window for to see if it's pouring!

Also, for those who say the OP should have been completely open... Surely you've been on dates where you know sex is probably on the cards, but you don't commit to it first!... You want to see how it goes and see where it leads... even if you're strongly hoping sex will be the outcome, it might not be if he looks, dishevelled, is rude or in a grumpy mood. You don't want a man to assume he literally has to put in zero effort and offer yourself on a plate beforehand... If a man will only have sex with you if you do this, he's someone to avoid at all costs!

I talked about the last time we were intimate together and asked did it mean nothing and he said 'surely we were just goofing around'.

Jesus, I'm a little heartbroken today even though I knew deep down what he was like.

Well, you know where you stand now OP and that's better than investing any further time, thought or effort in him to be even more hurt down the line.

Apologies, I haven’t read/followed your posts strangely enough.

Thank you for painstakingly explaining something I didn't need explained nor ask to be explained.