He didn't know an invite over would mean sex

[Catladyireland]

Hi,

I have posted a little bit about this man before. We had been in an on/off relationship and i invited him over for 'movie and takeaway'. He was being quite strange about it, very kind of cold which I thought of as strange considering our past. I thought movie and takeaway was code that every adult would know....

I asked him tonight how did he feel about it and he said 'it's not a big deal, just food and a movie'. He says he thought I just meant food and a movie, he didn't make a connection about anything physical.

He's 39. What do others think about this? Seems ridiculous not to make that connection.

Lol, I see this as a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

Imagine he misread it...

If he suggests sex and you didn't want it, you'd think he was a creepy man just after one thing... or conversely, if he plays the gentleman (or was naive like this situation), you're put off or think he's stupid etc.

If you have already slept together why not just say you want sex?

I have no shame, if I'm horny I let my bf know.

What happened? Did he turn you down?

I'd be fuming if I was invited round to under the pretence of watching a film and having a takeaway only to find it was all code and there was an expectation for sex.

Just say way you mean.

FWIW I'm 39 too and it's not him who has the issue here.

He sounds very respectful. A big positive

Absolutely. A man saying he presumed the women he’d invited over for a movie and food knew that sex was expected would get a new one ripped on here.

Put it the other way. What would you think if a man assumed he was going to sleep with you just because you'd invited him over to watch a movie

I think the bigger issue is that he isn’t bothered about hanging out with you unless sex is involved. When he thought it was just food and a movie, he didn’t want to come over. So, he only wants to see you if he gets sex? Then it’s not about spending time with you; it’s about having sex. He isn’t bothered about you.

That would be the important take-away from this, not his lack of understanding subtext.

Tbh if I invited a guy I had a sexual relationship with over and he got miffed that I tried it on it’d be er..buh-bye anyways!

He’d be respectful of her if, thinking it was just a movie and food, he actually wanted to spend time with her. But he didn’t. When he thought it was just a movie, he wasn’t bothered about going over, because he saw it as pointless without sex.

You failed to mention In your op about his lack of communication and being cold with you, which you mentioned in your other post.

Why do you plan on sleeping with him?
You're doing all the donkey work here. He doesn't have to put any work in, or take you out or court you, you've laid it all out on the table for him. He gets to come over to your nice cosy home and watch movies and eat food, you've probably spent all day cleaning and getting drinks in etc.
let a man graft and put in the effort before you start giving him home comforts and sex. He doesn't sound that interested.
He told you just to cancel if you felt nervous...and here's you giving your all to him and he's not even arsed.

My daughter recently told me to stop suggesting evenings with the family 'Netflix and chilling' because of the connotations, of which I had not been aware!

I remember your last thread, Op. Are you looking for different replies?

I probably phrased my initial message badly. I should never have assumed, I really am not the type and yes, I now see code words are ridiculous.

I just actually didn't believe him when he said he didn't connect the two. It shows a bigger issue with the two of us and I've just been thrown by his reaction to coming over for a movie versus his reaction if sex was involved

Maybe he was disappointed there was no food. I think I would have been! Say what you mean in future. I wouldn’t have understood the code either but as you’ve had that kind of relationship in the past it would have crossed my mind.

Are you annoyed because he didn't fancy a shag after an extra large donner and chips?

I think the general message is our heads are in very different places about everything

So was there a movie and a takeaway?

No, I invited him over after messages/photos of a sexual nature and I was nervous about it because it was a big step for me

Op, is something unsaid here. Did he decline? Is that it? Will he only visit you if you offer sex? But won’t make the effort if it’s just spending time with you?

@Charlingspont About 7 years ago when asked in an interview about outside interests I reeled off a list of hobbies then, for some inexplicable reason added, "don't get me wrong, I still make some time to Netflix and Chill now and again!"

The younger members of the panel visibly paled and looked horrified so I knew I'd said something wrong.

But...

I got the job. The panel thought I "would appeal to the younger generation."

I’m really not understanding, you’ve been sleeping with him for two years, sext him, but it’s a big thing to invite him over and use code words?

He would be an absolute ass to assume that you were inviting him for sex, TBH.

To clarify; we had broken up and we've been messaging but hadn't slept together in a long time. Inviting him over was a big deal to me as I saw that as taking the next step. He wasn't at all bothered but when sex was offered, he's now far more interested.

That's the impression I'm getting too ☹️

Everyone’s being a bit disingenuous - in that situation most adults would assume maybe it might lead to more.