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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He just said if I eat anymore I won't be able to fit through the door.

201 replies

Mumtogirlss · 29/12/2023 18:01

Just that. I feel a bit shocked. We have had arguments before. We have been together a decade but tonight he said out of nowhere in a disagreement, that if I eat anymore I won't be able to fit through the door. It's Christmas holidays I have been eating more indulging but I'm not over weight not in perfect shape though had two kids not long ago I'm no super model body but I wear a size ten to twelve and taller than average. I now feel disgusting and he is saying he just said it in heat of the moment as I was suggesting he stops drinking so much as it's been a problem the past few months which makes him act irrational at times over small things.

He really has a hatred for over weight people so this really cuts deep. He sees anyone as over weight as lazy and doesn't believe someone could be over weight due to health issues or anything. I have two young daughters and I worry one day his view will affect them he will get them to chant fatty bom bom and stuff like that which I have told him is completely unacceptable.

It may seem silly it was just words but it's really got to me tonight he called me other things too but this is the first time he has said things about my body. I used to have an ED in my teens which I think also isn't helping with my mindset. Sorry for the ramble I feel embarrassed to tell anyone else right now.

OP posts:
Eigen · 29/12/2023 18:02

He sounds horrible and you sound like you deserve better. As do your girls.

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 18:02

what a ghastly environment for your children op

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 18:03

but this is the first time he has said things about my body

so who has he been encouraging his daughters to chat fatty bum bum to?

Icelandic9 · 29/12/2023 18:05

What a vile bastard

Aquamarine1029 · 29/12/2023 18:07

I am horrified that you are allowing your girls to be raised in this environment. A vile bully with a drinking problem for a father. JFC.

NetballHoop · 29/12/2023 18:08

Well from what you've said, you're clearly not overweight. Does he know you used to have an ED? If so then he should know much better than to comment on your size.

If he's drinking too much he's probably trying to find a way to deflect from that.

Expect much better from him and tell him so.

Original poster
Mumtogirlss · 29/12/2023 18:08

The chanting will be if someone is large in a film or say we are in a car and someone crosses the road. He makes out that it's a joke but it's not okay and I make it clear I don't think it is and tell my girls it's not okay either.

OP posts:
HarlotBeans · 29/12/2023 18:09

He is a nasty pisshead take your girls away before he gives them an ED.

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 18:09

so he drinks excessively
he name calls regularly
he’s now thrown in an ED insult

OP - you do see how awful this is going to be and indeed deteriorate for your daughters?

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 18:10

Mumtogirlss · 29/12/2023 18:08

The chanting will be if someone is large in a film or say we are in a car and someone crosses the road. He makes out that it's a joke but it's not okay and I make it clear I don't think it is and tell my girls it's not okay either.

gross

GCAcademic · 29/12/2023 18:10

You need to get your daughters away from this disgusting piece of shit.

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 29/12/2023 18:11

I was all set to reply that this is a fairly normal, light-hearted comment about the ridiculous amount some of us I eat over the Christmas period. But now I've read your OP, I agree with your other replies! You deserve much better than a body-shaming arsehole, and so do your daughters.

Original poster
Mumtogirlss · 29/12/2023 18:11

Yeah he knows I had an ED but this was long before him and he is the type that doesn't really believe in mental health unless someone has completely lost their mind he thinks everything else in between is self centered stuff.

I think you're right he said it to deflect but we literally spoke last night and he was saying it was becoming a problem and today he is flying off the handle over small things which I believe is because he's been drinking throughout the day. With it being the holidays there is no excuse like going to work so it's been a lot more. For example he's been burning stuff and left earlier not telling me he lit a massive fire at the bottom of the garden.

OP posts:
HarlotBeans · 29/12/2023 18:12

This is why you should take note how a man talks about other women, his ex, the random female stranger. Even if you are now skinny, you shouldn't think that one day he won't flip and calls you fat or 'crazy'. One day that will be how he talks about you. He'll give your girls food and body image issues.

Sameshitdifferentdayagain · 29/12/2023 18:13

He sounds disgusting.

Staying with this man is a perfect way to ensure your daughters grow up with awful self esteem and eating disorders.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/12/2023 18:13

He's worn you down op.
If some absolute dickhead said something like that to me, my thought process would only be 'what an absolute dickhead they are' , I wouldn't feel disgusting. It's worrying that you've taken it to heart, as if what he says goes. That's a horrible place to be when you've lost your own thoughts.

HelpMebeok · 29/12/2023 18:13

He sounds vile. Why would you want your daughters exposed to him? They will think that is normal behaviour. Do you even like him?

HarlotBeans · 29/12/2023 18:17

He is a drunk in denial.about his mental health, he has no intelligence or awareness or empathy, his views do not represent reality or the truth, he hates himself so much probably has something that cant be fixed easily physically and so feels so angry at fat people because he thinks it's much more easier to fix than his, idk, small dick (yeah i went there) or height or wonky balls or baldinh or something about his looks. The intense hatred projection on fat people is to deflect from how much he hates himself.

Sane, happy, good looking people don't bully.

PaintedEgg · 29/12/2023 18:18

Can he fit through the door? If so, tell him to get his ass out through that door

he is a complete asshole package: rude, insulting, drinks too much and has unreasonable hate for people who have done nothing to him

Original poster
Mumtogirlss · 29/12/2023 18:21

Yeah he was the guy that said all his ex's were crazy. Sigh I know I was early 20s and hadn't been round the block to know any better and took everything word for word. Doesn't help I'm pretty sure he cheated on me last year but never got proof so my confidence is not great I'll be honest and I think food is a bit of comfort to me but has never been a point I am classed as over weight I've bmi in that category. Sorry I'm not wording this well and hope I don't offend people I'm trying my best to not fall into a mindset where my size needs to be 'thin'.

When we first met I was very skinny and that was what he would joke about it's mad I'm now on the other side.

He just came up to tell me I should burn the rest of the stuff in the garden not him so now he's trying to punish me for me just expressing I think what he said was too far. It's also no pressing matter its cardboard in the garage but he's got it in his head it has to be gone right now and better to burn it then recycle. I don't know it makes me question myself that I am being unreasonable.

Sorry for the rambling this form is amazing for just being able to express stuff kinda reminds me of being in the loos on a night out when I was younger and ladies of all ages giving you wisdom and you don't know who they are or ever see them again.

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 29/12/2023 18:22

Please don't let him make you feel disgusting OP, just see him for the nasty Pos that he is. He doesn't believe in mental health yet he's got a drinking problem. What a hypocrite!Think very hard about what you should do next, this is not a healthy environment for your girls or for you.

PaintedEgg · 29/12/2023 18:22

@Mumtogirlss he is not just mean, that's abusive

you can do better than him

Original poster
Mumtogirlss · 29/12/2023 18:24

Yeah worn down is a good way of putting it. I didn't have the best up bringing and I think that has mad it harder to see what is a healthy or normal relationship. Like when things are great they are great. He is the guy everyone and I mean everyone loves and gets along with. The neighbours the cashier in Tesco's like no one would have a bad word to say about him.

I don't know how much is just 'normal' family life and if there really is better or I have what he calls grass is greener syndrome and that this is real life which is what he also says when I question things between us and as a family.

OP posts:
cardibach · 29/12/2023 18:27

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 29/12/2023 18:11

I was all set to reply that this is a fairly normal, light-hearted comment about the ridiculous amount some of us I eat over the Christmas period. But now I've read your OP, I agree with your other replies! You deserve much better than a body-shaming arsehole, and so do your daughters.

Really? You think it’s normal to make offensive comments about weight, even your own?
What a weird attitude.

Original poster
Mumtogirlss · 29/12/2023 18:29

May I ask you ladies. When you have disagreements or if you do with your partner's. Is there name calling ever? What happens in your home? I feel disrespected and like others have pointed out I don't want my girls to see this anymore. It's a big step to break apart a family and for past couple of years I have held off making excuses with work stressful or something else to justify it and the worry I will mess them up more for breaking up a family that could be what is 'normal'. My friend told me you just trade problems for new ones and that has stuck with me.

OP posts: