He just said if I eat anymore I won't be able to fit through the door.

[Mumtogirlss]

Just that. I feel a bit shocked. We have had arguments before. We have been together a decade but tonight he said out of nowhere in a disagreement, that if I eat anymore I won't be able to fit through the door. It's Christmas holidays I have been eating more indulging but I'm not over weight not in perfect shape though had two kids not long ago I'm no super model body but I wear a size ten to twelve and taller than average. I now feel disgusting and he is saying he just said it in heat of the moment as I was suggesting he stops drinking so much as it's been a problem the past few months which makes him act irrational at times over small things.

He really has a hatred for over weight people so this really cuts deep. He sees anyone as over weight as lazy and doesn't believe someone could be over weight due to health issues or anything. I have two young daughters and I worry one day his view will affect them he will get them to chant fatty bom bom and stuff like that which I have told him is completely unacceptable.

It may seem silly it was just words but it's really got to me tonight he called me other things too but this is the first time he has said things about my body. I used to have an ED in my teens which I think also isn't helping with my mindset. Sorry for the ramble I feel embarrassed to tell anyone else right now.

Another plus he's allergic to cats so at least one day I can have a cat 😂
Can you tell I been making a list of the positives and negatives 😂

Ah - I missed the updates.

Good for you. You will feel so much lighter having shifted 11 stone of pointless excess weight out the door 💪🧚

Well done op you are an amazing role model xx

I would make him take you court for contact, at least then it’s legal and he can’t just show up or take them. Tell school and nursery not to hand over to him as it’s going through courts and you will update them if things change.
tell the girls daddy is a douche canoe and you’ve traded him in for the biggest, fluffiest cat known to man.

That's the thing he's hoping we will just sort it all between us but he did copy me into the email to have something legal about me having the house so I need to play it cool get that asap as hard as it will be to stay here it is what's best. The house is beautiful has space next to eldest school.

I can't find anything local that's suitable. He's moved back in with his mum. His mum usually has my youngest on a Tuesday. Had no message from her but dreading that too. They are a family that never talks about issues etc so maybe that's for the best a robotic handover whenever that happens. Probably be next week.

I'd be saying 'don't be ridiculous, the children will be asleep. 'Swinging by at 6am to give them a kiss' ? Are you on crack?'.

And I'd leave the keys in the locks so he can't get in. Fuck him.

If you must let him come then be sure not to leave your room whilst he is there. Because that's what he wants, an audience. Whilst he pretends to be all 'I miss you children'.

Take your breakfast and anything else you'll need in the morning into your room tonight (to save you from having to leave your room earlier) And put a set of drawers infront of the door before you sleep so he can't come in. Play some music when he arrives so you don't have to speak to him.

Haha 😂 that made me laugh. He will have been smoking into oblivion along with the drinking. Sticking his head in the sand.

Yeah that's going to be fun but don't need him enraged at the door at 6 in morning.

He's not been back once since so I'm hoping it will be grabbing his essentials along with the stuff I've bagged and then a plan in place soon after.

I really can't have him flying off. I know from reading so many posts on here that now he feels guilty about leaving cheating etc that I will get the best outcome now than if I piss him off and he realises me having the house is going to be something he later regrets or if he wants to make my life harder.

He knows if I moved right now it would put my business on hold at a really crucial time. I'm hoping I'll look back and be glad I acted the best way I can. My eldest has a good memory and if she remembers this time. I don't want it to be shouting and crying just he was here then not.

This 💯

As a PT and exercise professional I hate how you were spoken to. It’s wrong on so many levels. Even I as a PT have ups and downs and I had a few kids. Women’s bodies and their hormone cycle are always in a state of flux - how bloody dare he say that!! Take no heed but I would make plans to become very independent and eventually leave the toddler. He’s obviously got issues and is trying to put them on you when you haven’t done a jog wrong. Please don’t let him make you feel bad.

Can you share your business with us? I know I’m just a random online but I’m so proud of you for doing so well with it, that’s really amazing!

Yeah this is very true. I had such low self esteem when we first met. I wish I ran but I can't go back in time.

On one date he randomly said when do women stop wearing makeup up.
He was referring to a women with a newborn with her husband having lunch across from us.

Anytime we were in a car and someone was bad driving it was I bet it's a bloody women. Road rage against women drivers was insane.

I have to remember all of this. This is the best thing now I can do for my girls he would never be a good role model. An to make note when he moves on and it looks like he's 'changed' and happy that he will just repeat the cycle with the next women and I'll be the crazy ex and he will be the guy that tried everything but I couldn't be helped.

Wish I could go back in time and shake myself.

There needs to be a Mumsnets group that goes into schools..

I wish I could. It would be outing as it's pretty niche it's a product based business (noo not candles) is as much as I'll say. I am paranoid someone will connect the dots that knows me in real life.

But it means a lot to have people routing for me on here.

Thank you ladies you are truly amazing people. To spend your time giving support and advice. It's a godsend in this madness. I'm going to try get some sleep so if our paths cross tomorrow he doesn't think I have been up because of him.

First up, well done on getting him out.
Second - don't let him dictate when he will "pop over". It isn't fair on the children or yourself. Set something structured up.

He sounds awful op. Best thing I ever did was to get rid of a man like this and he was my child's father. Your man is supposed to build you up, not knock you down.

What a scumbag of a man. Raise your bar, OP.

Good luck tomorrow!

Moving forwards in future you'll likely need to do a lot of work with your daughters to make sure they don't internalise mysoginy and damage themselves as a result. Otherwise they may get swept up by the trans activist lot. Or develop eating disorders or body dysmorphia. Or date jerks like their dad.

I'd be very clear with them that women are to be valued and to value themselves. That we are capable of achieving anything and that people who talk badly of women or try to tell us what we can't do or how we should be, are people we should stay far away from.

Maybe there are some books available that will help with raising strong, self compassionate, boundaried girls who are comfortable in their own skin and know there's no one way to be a girl, that it what we choose to make it.

He sounds really unpleasant as a person and a poor role model for your children. His comments towards you are completely unacceptable.

He's an alcoholic and he's set to give your daughters an eating disorder. He sounds utterly disgusting. He clearly likes to use 'fatness' as a way to claw self esteem and make himself feel morally superior. What a man child. Do yourself and your daughters a favour by leaving this toxic pos

Sorry I just read the update!
Good for you!! Your life is going to get so much better. Honestly you'll look back and wonder what in God's name you were ever thinking going near that man

He doesn't "believe in mental health" and he doesn't think people can gain weight from health conditions?

He has a lot of opinions for someone who clearly doesn't engage his brain.

What does he think of abusive piss head men who treat women like shit?

It will one million affect your girls, speaking from experience. And if he knows about your history it's very cruel.

I think you're turning it into something bigger than it is. You don't have weight problems as such so he wasn't deliberately aiming for your weak spot. He just thought of the first thing he could because you've just scolded him. Kids do this, you tell Jonny off for swearing and he tells you Billy pinched a sweet. It's a distraction/deflection technique. We're you telling him off like a child?
Talk it through later if you must. Say what he said hurt you but you love him and your worried about his health....or just leave it to blow over.

Maybe read the thread @NaughtybutNice77

Name calling is abusive.
teaching your kids to chant like bullies? Is abusive.
saying something so contemptuous to you is abusive.

he’s disgusting. Please leave the creep

Oh well done OP! I just found the update. So so so happy for you, and for your kids! ✨✨✨✨