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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband or Parents .... Head is spinning!

464 replies

Cappucino777 · 27/12/2023 22:17

Been married for a few years, I am an only child so you can appreciate the closeness of my parents and their impact in my life. So fastforward to these past few weeks my parents are getting fed up of my husbands lack of communication with them, he never calls either my mum or dad or asks how they are etc. They feel shortchanged and not really valued by him. They have made numerous comments to me about this and have argued with me huge arguments regarding this. I feel stuck in the middle, I am sick of living like this with someone my parents seem to not approve of. I'm stuck because now we have a child it is not exactly easy to just end things. I don't know what to do. I am literally depressed and miserable about all this. They just can't seem to stomach anything about him. I truly am lost :/
Some of their comments are legitimate but he's changing some stuff about him but still this rubbish is lingering and the headache I get from my parents is getting out of hand.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 27/12/2023 22:19

I’ve been married 25 years and I don’t think my husband has once phoned my parents to ask how they are - why on earth would he?

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 27/12/2023 22:20

Do you think their expectation of him is fair? My parents love my husband but he’s never phoned them- why would he?

Are you happy with him? If so, you need to tell your parents to back off before they ruin your marriage and split up their grandchild’s family.

Mylovelygreendress · 27/12/2023 22:20

What’s happened in the past few weeks ?
Do your parents expect your DH to phone them ? I don’t think I ever phoned my in-laws even though I liked them very much . DH phoned them.

ErrolTheRednosedDragon · 27/12/2023 22:22

my parents are getting fed up of my husbands lack of communication with them, he never calls either my mum or dad or asks how they are etc.

They're your parents, not his. I don't think I ever called my ILs or DH called mine.

Your parents seem to have odd expectations.

ACynicalDad · 27/12/2023 22:22

Your parents have odd expectations of him. He didn’t come into the family because of them he came because of you. He should be polite and courteous but basically that’s a relationship for you, not him, to manage.

TheaBrandt · 27/12/2023 22:22

Think their expectations are weird. I don’t think I know anyone that rings their in laws up.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 27/12/2023 22:23

My husband never rang my parents to ask how they were. They always got on fine.

Can't they ring him if they're bothered he isn't checking in enough? Not that he should have to.

RandomMess · 27/12/2023 22:23

Why on Earth do your parents expect your DH to ring them Confused

mynameiscalypso · 27/12/2023 22:23

I'm not sure my DH even has my parents' phone numbers although he may have their email addresses when he's been cc'd into something. I certainly don't have his parents' numbers. For context, we've been married for 8 years and together 15 years

FitAt50 · 27/12/2023 22:24

This is not normal and your parents are nuts.

Chicheguevara · 27/12/2023 22:24

Back when I had a husband and his parents were still living, I genuinely don’t think that I ever rang them to ask how they were and to shoot the breeze. That was his job. By the same token, he never rang mine either. Until I read your post, regarding your parent’s feelings, I didn’t even know that it was a requirement. Just my opinion, but I think they may have unreasonable expectations there. I’m zooming with a couple of friends just at the mo, and their hubster’s don’t call their wives parents either.

CobraChicken · 27/12/2023 22:24

Why do your parents expect your DH to phone them? I don't think that's particularly usual at all. I don't recall ever phoning my in-laws and DH didn't ever call my (late) parents. We've been together for over 30 years.

baubl · 27/12/2023 22:24

I've been married 30 years and my husband has never called my parents. He would ask me how they are if he knows I've spoken to them but never randomly rings them.

jannier · 27/12/2023 22:25

Agree with the others unless your ill, incapable or he's planning a surprise why would he need to ring them? Is he sociable when he sees them?

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 27/12/2023 22:25

My DH gets on great with my parents, he's never rang them to ask how they are. Same with me and my MIL

Gymmum82 · 27/12/2023 22:26

Lordy I’ve never called my inlaws in my life nor do I plan to. I don’t think my dh even has any of my family members numbers. Your parents are nuts

FloweryName · 27/12/2023 22:26

Your parents are crazy if they think it’s normal for their new son in law to regularly phone them and ask how they are. You tell him how they are because they’re you’re parents!

Even if he were inclined to call them, they don’t like him so why would he?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 27/12/2023 22:27

Ummm... what?! Your parents sound strange and demanding, I'm afraid!

themusingsofaninsomniac · 27/12/2023 22:27

I've been with my partner 18 years. He gets on great with my family and I his. However he would never just call my mum to ask how she is. He sees her and happily chats to her when we go for dinner etc. I do text his mum a bit but we are very close, however I'd still never call her to ask how she was randomly like that.

I think they are expecting a bit much here. They aren't his parents, and some people are a bit shit at remembering to do this even with their own parents! They need to chill out and adjust their expectations. Also they sound very controlling if you'd actually consider ending the relationship over this, way over the top.

2chocolateoranges · 27/12/2023 22:28

I’ve been with my dh 28 years and he has never once phoned to see how my mum is or visited my mum all by himself. . He is pleasant when we visit and my mum adores him,

ypur parents are extremely unreasonable and have extremely high expectations of people,

Please back your husband in this situation, your parents are being unreasonable.

iust to add, I’d never have thought to phone my in-laws or visit them myself without dh either.

Rockfordpeach · 27/12/2023 22:28

Been with DP for ten years and have never phoned his parents to have a chat or see how they are and he's never done so with my mum unless he's checking on some work he's done to her house

stealthninjamum · 27/12/2023 22:28

My exh never called my parents. I used to sometimes call his but I was a sahp calling them to arrange visits.

do they have any other issues because I feel quite sorry for your husband that you haven’t jumped to his defence. What are the elements of him that he is changing? Poor guy.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 27/12/2023 22:28

When you married your dh you made vows to him. Your dps sound unhinged...

randomstress · 27/12/2023 22:29

I actually like my MIL, she has just spent 10 days with us.
I will happily go on holiday with her, she was staying with us when I gave birth etc.
But I don't communicate directly with her, that is for DH to do.
Why do your parents expect this?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 27/12/2023 22:29

I've never phoned my in-laws, for anything, in 15 years.

Their expectations seem quite odd.