Husband or Parents .... Head is spinning!

[Cappucino777]

Been married for a few years, I am an only child so you can appreciate the closeness of my parents and their impact in my life. So fastforward to these past few weeks my parents are getting fed up of my husbands lack of communication with them, he never calls either my mum or dad or asks how they are etc. They feel shortchanged and not really valued by him. They have made numerous comments to me about this and have argued with me huge arguments regarding this. I feel stuck in the middle, I am sick of living like this with someone my parents seem to not approve of. I'm stuck because now we have a child it is not exactly easy to just end things. I don't know what to do. I am literally depressed and miserable about all this. They just can't seem to stomach anything about him. I truly am lost :/
Some of their comments are legitimate but he's changing some stuff about him but still this rubbish is lingering and the headache I get from my parents is getting out of hand.

He married you, not your parents

We've been married 25 years but my husband has never randomly called my parents to ask how they are. I too am very close to my mum and was to my lovely dad when he was alive. My dh calling to see how mum is would be weird. We live in the next road to mum and see her often. Dh will go around alone and do jobs for her and so on. Mum came to us Christmas Day and we went to her yesterday but i communicated the arrangements because she's my mum. Op, sorry but your parents sound odd and slightly unhinged. Do you orbthey nor realise that is not the norm to expect your dh be calling to ask how they are?!

My DH has rung my parents twice - after the birth of each DC. that's it! it sounds like your parents expectations are unreasonable.

Echoing everyone else here. My partner gets on very well with my family but would never call them as would I ever call my in laws… Very strange expectations.

I never phoned my partners parents. What a weird expectation.

The thought of my DH calling my mum and dad and asking how they are would send my mum and dad's head spinning - never mind mine 😋

Well said - I feel the same as you!

Your parents are unrealistic to expect their son in law to ring him. Why would he when they are so nasty about him? My husband doesn't ring my mum unless to say thank you for a gift or ask about a diy job he will do for her and I would not expect him to.

Your primary responsibility now is to your husband and child. Your relationship with your parents sounds dysfunctional and you need to cut the apron strings. Presumably you love your husband so have his back for goodness sake and tell your parents to shut up next time they moan about him or you will stop seeing and talking to them.

• 1 , some weird women about

I’m also an only child with only my mum around. We’re incredibly close. She and DP get on like a house on fire and have done for the whole eight years we’ve been together. The only time he’s ever called her as to arrange to go round to ask her if he could marry me (not something she or I expected him to do to be clear!). Neither of us would ever expect him to call her to see how she is. She’s my mum, not his. I also get on very well with his parents, and his dad has called me before to do with work/DP/presents for DSS, but I’ve never phoned him because, again, he’s not my dad. Your parents have absolutely mental expectations here.

Ditto.

Bizarre!
My parents like my dh, they speak to him once a year when we go to an annual family gathering.
I speak to my Mum weekly, she asks after him, like she asks after the kids and all my animals.

I can't think of any reason why they would want to speak to him regularly or vice versa.

I think your parents are the problem, not your dh!

None of us should have to call our IL’s that’s our partners responsibility. Mine has occasionally answered the phone to my mum and has chats with my dad though as my dad does call him at times usually technical advice type calls 🙂

I've been with my partner 20 years, and only once phoned my in-laws - to tell them my partner's gall bladder op had gone well and she'd come round. No way would I be phoning them every week to ask how they are, and she never rings my parents either!

Same here.

Your parents expectations are unreasonable.

my parents are getting fed up of my husbands lack of communication with them, he never calls either my mum or dad or asks how they are etc.

is this the only reason they don’t like him? Your parents are being very unreasonable if it is! My husband very rarely calls or messages my parents and when he does it will be to check who’s supposed to be picking the kids up if he can’t get in touch with me, he’d never phone them to ask how they are, obviously when we see them in person he communicates with them. Equally I never phone or message my husbands parents unless it’s to sort out childcare.

I think you are also very unreasonable to be considering ending your relationship with your husband due to this. Stand up for your husband!

You need to make it clear to your parents that they are the ones with totally unrealistic expectations. Ask them why on earth your husband would phone to ask how they are when you keep him up to date, and point out that no-one else works that way. Make it clear to them that if they can't come into the real world you will have to distance yourself for the sake of your own wellbeing.

I don’t think DH is in the wrong here. He’s not their son, they seem to think they have right to his time and attention. Very intrusive and overbearing, they expect too much. I would tell them this. Hes acting normally He’s married to you but this doesn’t mean he’s an extension of you and they can’t expect him to behave how they want.
My sons in law don’t ring me on a regular basis, I don’t message them often either but we all get on well. We don’t do FaceTime, daily calls or weekly catch- ups just for a chat.
I get the feeling your parents are shit stirring to cause tension between you and DH to split you up. It appears to be working, you’re consider leaving him. Don’t do it, Stand up for yourself and have your husbands back.

Your parents are high maintenance with unreasonable expectations.

I cannot fathom either of my former husbands just calling my parents to chat. Now, when I was on the phone with them anyway, they would occasionally speak briefly, always cordial, but none of them initiated calls to each other. Which begs the question, do they call him to chat? I'll bet not.

Now, my father, on the other hand, had no problem picking up the phone to call my maternal grandmother, and occasionally joked that he'd have married my mother regardless just to get his MIL. But that's a very rare thing, indeed.

I get on very well with my son in law. He has been with my daughter for over 10 years. He’s never once phoned me to ask how I am, I’d think it a bit odd if he did.

I like my Dh’s parents more than my own. I enjoy the time we spend together. I still don’t just randomly call them to chat.

your parents have completely unreasonable expectations.

Only child here and have been with DH over 15 years. If he rang my parents they would probably assume I'd been run over by a bus. They get on very well and DH and my mum have been known to exchange occasional WhatsApp messages re books they've both read but they only actually speak when we all see each other in person.

OP I think your parents have forgotten their job was to raise an independent adult with her own life. If your marriage is good don't let them fuck it up.

Do you love and like your husband? Are you happy with him?

That's all that matters here.

I am also an only child and have been with DH a long time. He would chat to them if he happened to pick up the phone when they ring here, gets on OK with them but would never ring them to specifically ask how they are. He often asks me how they are doing as we speak once or twice a week.