Partner says if he can’t smoke weed NYE I cannot have a drink

[emilycurtisxx]

Long story short partner smokes regularly. Won’t tell me how much but I assume few times a week. Gets snappy when he doesn’t smoke.
he compares his weed smoking to me drinking (I only drink when we are socialising never at home)
problem is now, when we socialise I use alcohol to bring me out my shell a bit, and also we are ALWAYS around his friends his family so it helps me feel more comfortable. I’ve told him to quit the weed and he says he will for me even though he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it because it’s “natural” and “legal in some states in the USA” (I don’t think this will happen) but only when I move in with him.
we had a compromise of him only smoking on the weekends, but it’s every single weekend and a bit annoying. Also when we go out with his friends/family he gets a “free pass” almost because he says if I’m drinking then he’s smoking.
what do I even say to this? Is he fair?
he is basically saying once he “quits” I am never allowed to have a social drink again when out with his friends…

Walk away. You aren't compatible. You certainly shouldn't be planning on having children together.

@FigTreeInEurope "gets snappy when he can't smoke" suggests this is not ocassional use. This is dependency - in the same way that if it were alcohol it would be alcoholism.

Having been there done that, I think weed is the killer of ambition.

You can give me all the 'no more harmful than alcohol' stuff but it is when it reaches this level. He relies on it and rather than raising you up, he is dragging you down. It will be more than you know.

Get out. You don't like his friends, you are drinking to tolerate a lifestyle that isn't you.

It will cause more and more issues as you progress through life. Family holidays will need to be considered on where he gets weed, life revolves around it and it is totally shit.

Drink isn't great either and I think the same applies to those drinking every night.

He's a drug addict.

This is about more than whether or not he says you are 'allowed' to drink alcohol.

I wouldn't stay with a stoner, let alone have kids with them.

Cannibas is illegal. Why are you with a criminal?

It's a smelly disgusting habbit that rots the brain.

(Same for someone who drinks more than minimally).

Yep

No it won’t, it is not a cumulative thing - your either vulnerable to it or your not and those get it are generally late teens/early twenties and would likely have developed it without smoking weed.

Its like saying everyone who drinks any alcohol cirrhosis will get them in the end ie untrue.

I hate the “weed is less harmful than alcohol” brigade. Firstly, if you sit next to someone who is drinking a glass of wine, you are not going to passively absorb the effects of alcohol, the same cannot be said with smoking weed. By smoking weed you are exposing others nearby to the effects of both weed and the tobacco it is rolled with.

Secondly, there is a much wider moral issue at play. Rightly or wrongly, alcohol is legal, therefore it’s production and sale is regulated. Weed is not, and unless your dealer is growing it in their own loft, it is deeply entangled in the social harms of drug dealing. Whilst I am sure there are some dealers who only deal weed, there will also be lots who deal other drugs, who fund organised criminals trafficking drugs who are also involved in firearms and slavery, the recruitment of children to run county lines, the mistreatment and abuse of those in other countries where drugs such as cocaine are sourced and developed. I could go on and on but it is not remotely comparable to drinking alcohol. When you buy a bottle of wine, your money goes on the tax, to the supermarket, the producer and wider supply chain etc, when you buy weed that money feeds into a system that oppresses, abuses, harms, and kills people.

I know a stoner who says he never smokes in the house around his kids.

Then he mentions that he smokes in the car ..... Cause who wants to stand or sit around outside in this climate ..... Lots and lots of smoking in the car. The only car in the household, in which his kids get lifts everywhere.

Says it all, really.

Incidentally smoking weed and tobacco affects your fertility. And if the fetuses and babies are subjected to any of it; there are lots of issues re development, health, birth weight, Sid's, asthma etc etc.

Well said.

The "no worse, if not better than drinking" brigade have their heads firmly up their asses.

Whilst I agree that weed is objectively less harmful to the user than alcohol (as per the WHO), it is presently illegal in the UK and people who buy it are funding terrible things. So it's not the same at all.

I have a relative who has smoked his entire life, he’s so grumpy, so negative. He’s such a drain to be around. I’m sure he has suffered some damage mentally.

Dump the drug addict.
It makes me laugh when people say drug are no worse than alcohol. Beer, wines and spirits pay wages, massive taxes and are a part of our economy. Cannabis, in many cases, are grown by trafficked kids, ran by gangs and sold to kids by other kids. I've no respect for someone who smokes cannabis but doesn't grow their own. The smell and how it affects people long term is awful.

Run for the hills op. Definitely don't move in with him. Have some self respect.

@emilycurtisxx sorry but your partner does not sound like a particularly nice person. Can you just move on rather than twisting yourself in knots to fit in with him and his family/friends? I hope you also have your own friends and family that you socialise with and can rely on.

Going completely against the grain here but I think it’s fair that if you’ve told him he can’t smoke weed, he’s told you you can’t drink.

You have no right to tell him what to do with his life (even if it’s in his best interests) and he’s resenting that. Just like you are resenting him for telling you when you can have a drink.

It isn’t about who’s more addicted to what substance or dictating the terms of its use, it’s about trying to tell someone else how to live their life because what suits them doesn’t suit you.

Toxic tit for tat.

Leave him

Never ever ever live with him or have children with him

Don't have dc with him, he's a brat enough to not need other dc.

Leave now he is an arsehole

TBH - both of you sound like you have issues with substances.

I wouldn't date a drug addict.

Physical health risks Smoking cannabis can;

• make you wheeze and out of breath
• make you cough uncomfortably or painfully
• make your asthma worse if you have it

There's been less research on it but smoking cannabis is likely to have many of the long term physical health risk as smoking tobacco (even if you don't mix the cannabis with tobacco). So smoking cannabis can also;

• increase the risk of lung cancer
• increase your heart rate and affect your blood pressure, which makes it particularly harmful for people with heart disease
• reduce your sperm count if you're male, affecting your ability to have children
• suppress your ovulation if you’re female, affecting your ability to have children
• increase the risk of your baby being born smaller than expected if you smoke it while pregnant

Mental health risks Using cannabis can:

• affect your motivation to do things
• impair your memory so you can’t remember things or learn new information
• give you mood swings
• disturb your sleep and make you depressed
• make you anxious, panicky, or even aggressive
• make you see or hear things that aren’t there (known as hallucinating or tripping)
• cause hours (or days) of anxiety, paranoia and hallucinations, which only settle down if the person stops taking it – and sometimes don’t settle down at all
• cause a serious relapse for people with psychotic illnesses like schizophrenia
• increase your chances of developing illnesses like schizophrenia, especially if you have a family background of mental illness and you start smoking in your teenage years

What is cannabis cut with? Lots of things. Dealers cut hash with similar-looking substances or heavy materials to increase the weight of the drug and make a bigger profit. Although not all cannabis is cut, it’s very hard to know when it is or isn’t – so you could be smoking, eating or vaping chemicals from all sorts of unknown substances, including pesticides used when growing the cannabis. Tobacco is often mixed with cannabis, for making joints or smoking bongs. If you mix cannabis with tobacco you’ll be taking on the same risks you get from smoking tobacco. These are: addiction to nicotine (the drug in tobacco), coughs, chest infections and in the longer-term, cancer and heart disease. (from: Just ask Frank)

Sounds like anxiety to me. I have horrible anxiety rooted in CPTSD. I use weed edibles for my sanity and I have 4 DC. You made a HUGE assumption based on little info and then make a grand overreaching determination about children and fatherhood that don't even exist yet. Get off your high horse.