Partner says if he can’t smoke weed NYE I cannot have a drink

[emilycurtisxx]

Long story short partner smokes regularly. Won’t tell me how much but I assume few times a week. Gets snappy when he doesn’t smoke.
he compares his weed smoking to me drinking (I only drink when we are socialising never at home)
problem is now, when we socialise I use alcohol to bring me out my shell a bit, and also we are ALWAYS around his friends his family so it helps me feel more comfortable. I’ve told him to quit the weed and he says he will for me even though he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it because it’s “natural” and “legal in some states in the USA” (I don’t think this will happen) but only when I move in with him.
we had a compromise of him only smoking on the weekends, but it’s every single weekend and a bit annoying. Also when we go out with his friends/family he gets a “free pass” almost because he says if I’m drinking then he’s smoking.
what do I even say to this? Is he fair?
he is basically saying once he “quits” I am never allowed to have a social drink again when out with his friends…

Whether you agree with smoking weed or not, it comes down to the fact that you knew this about him already. Maybe not how much he smoked or how regularly but you knew he smoked.

All the promises of giving up if you live together/if you give up alcohol/when you have children etc are meaningless. He doesn't want to and would be doing it for you which probably won't even work because he's not really motivated to change.

Never ever ever get caught up in promises down the line. If there's something about them that you don't like and don't want to live with long term, move on and find someone else.

I don't have an issue with people smoking weed and I used to smoke, but I wouldn't choose to be in a relationship with a stoner.

The 'helping him relax' is a giant red flag too. I get the impression that involves denigrating yourself to 'serve' him sexually.

The vast majority of regular weed smokers I have known haven't amounted to much. In fact they are all degenerates.

You should think carefully about whether you want to have children with a man whose cannabis use is such an important part of his life.

Can you imagine caring for your newborn, while he pops outside for a smoke and comes in stoned and reeking of weed? I wouldn't want that near my child.

PPs who defended his cannabis use: shame on you. This isn't a debate whether alcohol is better than cannabis. I'd say the same to someone whose partner goes out on the piss every weekend.

I’ve had plenty of arguments with my DH about smoking week. He compares it to me eating chocolate, seriously…

Personally, I think smoking dope is for dopes. I know a lot of good people who smoke it, and it does them no favours.

You do know he won't give up the weed though, right? He gets snappy and irritable without it so it is clear that giving up will be no simple matter.

I couldn’t be with someone who smokes weed. People comparing it to alcohol- one key difference is if you smoke every 3 days you will never be under the driving limit (which is almost 0) as it stays in your body so long! If he’s a driver he could well lose his licence- and with kids that would be a dealbreaker for me.

The difference, in my opinion, is that his habit is illegal. Having a drink or eating chocolate is not. I wouldn't want him anywhere near me or mine.

If this is how you feel (I would too), then you shouldn't have started a relationship with him in the first place.

As for comparing alcohol and weed, obviously there are parallels,but weed is illegal. Also, you don't behave like an arse when you haven't had alcohol. He sounds like a bit of a loser tbh.

Please don't have kids with this controlling lover. He obviously isn't going to give up weed either now or if you have kids. Honestly I'd say dump and run.

@Longma I'm talking long term. Alcohol has many more ill affects , it just takes a bit of simple research to find that out

And people who smoke it stink.

Don't whatever you do move in with him. Smoking stinks - it's a deal breaker for me. You seem to have different values and I can gauge won't stop

On the contrary, almost all pharmaceutical cannabis is grown hydroponically, using synthetic fertiliser, non organic pest management, and growth hormones to maximise production and profit. Most small scale growers use soil, and organic nutrients such as the biobizz range. Pharmaceutical cannabis has also invariably been selectively bred, to maximise production of specific cannabinoids, rather than having a balanced cannabinoid profile.

It won't be different. He's not willing to quit now, so it's now up to you if you can continue a relationship with someone who regularly uses it, or not.

@Longma my opinion still stands. I have a family member that regularly smokes weed. Doesn't stop their general function, just improves their mental health. Doesn't affect them negatively, and you would not know. (Of course it affects everyone differently)
And I have a family member that regularly drinks. We are NC because of this. They were awful because of it.
My opinion is based on this, and general research and experience.

He's an addict and it won't be long before he's moving onto something stronger. Get rid. You can't change an addict's desire to keep using. Only they can do that.

It won’t be different.

Sting, Jennifer Aniston, Elon musk, Richard Branson, all went on to be deadbeat smack heads eh?

The days of organised crime being significantly involved in cannabis production are long gone

You might want to give Europol that insight.

https://www.europol.europa.eu/media-press/newsroom/news/2023-eu-drug-markets-analysis-emcdda-and-europol

The cannabis trade in Europe involves a broad range of networks, comprising both EU and non-EU criminals. These networks are highly cooperative, particularly at the wholesale level, sharing resources, building partnerships and providing services from production to distribution.
Some criminal networks act as service providers to cannabis traffickers. Examples include networks that specialise in supplying boats to cannabis resin traffickers, while others provide aerial drones and helicopters. The methods used to smuggle cannabis have also diversified, highlighting how adaptable and opportunistic criminals can be. In addition to the traditional means of transportation, for example, unmanned semi-submersible vessels have recently been seized during investigations. This booming cannabis trade is not without its repercussions, being linked to violent clashes in several EU countries. Corruption related to the cannabis market also contributes to undermining the rule of law, security and governance.