Partner says if he can’t smoke weed NYE I cannot have a drink

[emilycurtisxx]

Long story short partner smokes regularly. Won’t tell me how much but I assume few times a week. Gets snappy when he doesn’t smoke.
he compares his weed smoking to me drinking (I only drink when we are socialising never at home)
problem is now, when we socialise I use alcohol to bring me out my shell a bit, and also we are ALWAYS around his friends his family so it helps me feel more comfortable. I’ve told him to quit the weed and he says he will for me even though he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it because it’s “natural” and “legal in some states in the USA” (I don’t think this will happen) but only when I move in with him.
we had a compromise of him only smoking on the weekends, but it’s every single weekend and a bit annoying. Also when we go out with his friends/family he gets a “free pass” almost because he says if I’m drinking then he’s smoking.
what do I even say to this? Is he fair?
he is basically saying once he “quits” I am never allowed to have a social drink again when out with his friends…

Oh for goodness sake, you are smarter than this, so bloody act like it! You can not compromise with someone who doesn’t share your values and who is prepared to lie and bulshit you into thinking he does.

He won’t give up regular weed smoking anytime soon. If you don’t want to be with someone who smokes weed regularly, then this isn’t the man for you. If you don’t want the father of your future children to be someone who smokes weed regularly, then this isn’t their future father.

Stop making excuses, waiting for the person to change who wants the status quo, is futile and stupid. The balls in your court, not his.

Are you actually mad? Dont have kids with this loser.

Weed is illegal regardless or not of whether it is worse/not as bad as alcohol.
He is an addict, you are an occasional drinker.
Children can absorb second hand smoke, they can't ingest second hand alcohol.
He won't change, his family seem to be encouraging his addiction.
Leave him now.

He's addicted to it. Plus he is using a child's reasoning by saying 'I will quit if you quit drinking'. If you move in with him he will still find opportunities to smoke. You will know he is doing it. There will be arguments. Just...no. Don't do it, OP.

It won’t be. Alternative coping mechanisms don’t materialise out of thin air, they have to be learnt.

Sorry but you’d be a complete moron to have kids with him, let alone any sort of relationship.

Weed isn't addictive, it's the brain that makes it think it is. There's nothing in it to make you addicted unlike other drugs.

I'd actually say drinking is worse than weed, given it can get you in bad situations, people fight on it etc.
that said I'm a ex smoker so I'm aware of the actual benefits of it rather than "it's disgusting!" Like most of the internet will tell you.

He won't give up if you give up drinking, he is calling your bluff.

Does he only smoke weed when you have a drink? It doesn't sound like it. Do not have children with him.

Weed smokers stink. You can actually smell it outside their houses, they’re just immune to the stench.

Please don't bring children into this shit show OP

Don't saddle your future children with this fuckwit for a dad.

Whilst I wouldn't like to be with someone who regularly smoked weed, I wouldn't like to be told what I could & couldn't do anymore than you do. I think it's up to him what he smokes and up to you whether you want to tolerate it or not.

Reported this filthy bit of antisemitism, obviously

Long term weed use causes changes in brain structure, leading to paranoia and impaired cognitive function. In many cases this isn't reversible even if the person quits.

It is not the same as occasional social drinking. At all. (I'm teetotal, I have no skin in this game, just stating the facts).

Flip his claim on its head - tell him you won't be moving in with him, and certainly not having kids, until he has shown you he's serious by quitting. Quit first, not after - do not be swayed by vague future promises, these are incredibly common with addicts - they even mean it at the time, they just underestimate just how difficult it will be to stop.

Current estimates are 80 to 90 percentage of weed in the uk is grown by small, home based growers, who sell to their mates. The study was based on the statistics from grow shops around the country. Its likely acurate too, given that there's two or three hydro shops in every town. There are tons of you tube videos on cultivation, seed shops that sell perfectly legal, feminised seeds, and the uk has always been at the forefront of strain development, despite it being illegal. Many of the high cbd strains now being used by big pharma, to make sprays like sativex, are derived by selectively breeding from illegal uk strains. The days of organised crime being significantly involved in cannabis production are long gone.

Run a mile. You don’t want to be with a pothead.

If it had no benefits why do they suggest chronic pain & cancer patients use it?

Clearly an uneducated fool.

Completely agree.

This relationship sounds toxic it’s not good that you need to drink to be relaxed around his family and he is snappy if he doesn’t smoke weed.

You both seem to have different priorities in life. You say you want children soon, I wouldn’t bring children into a relationship with a man who’s going to be snappy every couple of days because he hasn’t had his weed fix

You need to figure out what’s important to you and what your long term goals are and work towards that. If it’s children and a family then don’t settle to get your dream now, do it properly and save yourself heartache further down the road.
You deserve someone better than a person who is snappy at you every couple of days because he hasn’t smoked

This. You either both quit or you understand weed is far less of an issue than alcohol. Or you leave him. You can’t tell him what to do, it’s hypocritical

I wouldn’t have kids with this man.

Actually, in the US cannabis was legalised independently by each state. It is still a federal offence. Bizarrely, if you are charged with production at the federal level, you will be tried and convicted in Washington, a state that has decriminalised.

OP, it doesn't sound like you're compatible tbh. Don't have kids with this man, he's not the one for you. Find someone else.
You don't feel comfortable around his friends and family, and are trying to control each other. Don't bring children into this.