Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
jelly79 · 20/12/2023 23:41

Do you not celebrate her actual birthday at all?

I find that really odd and I've never heard of a half birthday

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 20/12/2023 23:41

If you try and start something so idiotic, you have to be prepared for other people not to play along.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 20/12/2023 23:43

You can choose to celebrate a birthday with parties for friends and even family on a more convenient date for others. But to completely deny their actual birthday is crazy! I'd give gifts and cards on their actual birthday, but have a month later for something to look forward to.

Deathbyfluffy · 20/12/2023 23:45

That’s rather unusual! Never heard of that before

RisingSunn · 20/12/2023 23:46

This is so odd. You can have a celebration any day you please. But I find it strange not to acknowledge your child’s actual birthday!

Original poster
Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 20/12/2023 23:49

I'm a 27th of December birthday. It's just something you have to deal with. Just celebrate on the actual birthday. This problem with you mil has nothing to do with a half birthday. There's a lot more other stuff behind it

toomanyleggings · 20/12/2023 23:51

Half birthdays are not a thing. Sorry op I’m with your MIL

Sprogonthetyne · 20/12/2023 23:54

I think cards/present/birthday wishes from grandparent or other close family on the actual day is normal, maybe even a small celebration at home, then just the main party in the summer is more typical.

Not saying she's not trying to undermine you in other way but on this particular thing she's not being unreasonable.

Normandy144 · 20/12/2023 23:54

Those that I know with birthdays on Xmas eve,day or boxing Day do indeed have a party in the summer however they absolutely also celebrate their actual birthday too and so gifts and cards are sent as normal by family and close friends.The party is purely for school friends really and to allow the child to experience a proper birthday party because the reality is that they'll never be in school on their birthday. I would just let you Mil send gifts and card as normal and not over think it.

ditalini · 20/12/2023 23:54

Her birthday is her birthday. I totally get doing a summer thing, but honestly I think your MIL is behaving pretty normally acknowleging her granddaughter's birthday... on her birthday.

Redglitter · 20/12/2023 23:55

Plenty people have birthdays around Christmas and celebrate with no problems. I've never known anyone do a half birthday. It's potentially going to be really confusing when she gets to school age.

Why not leave buying her main birthday present til summer & make that special just the 3 of you

BettyBakesCakes · 20/12/2023 23:58

What's wrong with mil sending cards and a present on her birthday if you also acknowledge her actual birthday? Doing a half birthday is weird.

SmellyBumMum · 20/12/2023 23:58

Yep, just arrange parties etc the week before or the week after! Not surprised your MIL is confused!

tupperwaretowers · 20/12/2023 23:59

I’m confused. Are you celebrating being 3 and a half or turning 3 or 4?

Scarletttulips · 21/12/2023 00:00

DS has a January birthday and was very outdoorsy! I refused to stand in the cold for various rock climbing/apeman:football type parties.

We had a tea party for friends and a half birthday activity later in when it was warmer.

I understand how you feel, but you can do both.

GodDammitCecil · 21/12/2023 00:03

You’re nuts OP, and I say this as a Christmas baby.

My parents always just ensured I got two lots of presents.

Yes, people are busy at this time of year which makes get-togethers harder, but I still love this time of year.

Celebrating at the exact opposite time of year is so odd.

I mean, each to their own, yada, yada, but I don’t think your MIL is the unreasonable one.

SkaneTos · 21/12/2023 00:03

Many people are born around Christmas and New Year's Eve. Many many people.

Her birthday is her birthday. (Have a party in the summer all you want.) But her birthday is her birthday. Celebrate her on her birthday!

GodDammitCecil · 21/12/2023 00:06

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

It really doesn’t read like you do.

I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day

…and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc.

Why are you getting so mad at her acknowledging the actual days….?

SirVixofVixHall · 21/12/2023 00:06

SmellyBumMum · 20/12/2023 23:58

Yep, just arrange parties etc the week before or the week after! Not surprised your MIL is confused!

This ! Just have her party a week or so early, in the run up, when everyone is in the party mood. My dd has a birthday close to Christmas and this is what we did.

iamwhatiam23 · 21/12/2023 00:07

What a complete faff, tbh you sound like a PITA and I wouldn't be doing it either if i were your mil!

Arrestedforit · 21/12/2023 00:08

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 20/12/2023 23:41

If you try and start something so idiotic, you have to be prepared for other people not to play along.

This

iamwhatiam23 · 21/12/2023 00:08

And i am also a Christmas baby myself!

Channellingsophistication · 21/12/2023 00:23

I’ve never heard of a half birthday…? Very confusing for your child and everybody else by the sounds of it.

As others have said, arrange a party earlier in the month. Surely it makes December doubly exciting?

BloodyAdultDC · 21/12/2023 00:24

Wtf?

Your dc's birthday is in December, yet you don't want anyone to give gifts or cards in December? Utterly fucked up op - you're setting your dc up for a fuck-tonne of confusion the minute they start school.

It's their birthday, and 100% normal for family and friends to celebrate on the actual day. Have an additional party in summer by all means, but her actual birthday is December - don't deny her that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread