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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 21/12/2023 06:39

Any money or vouchers given I normally keep until later in the year. My brother did the same for his DS.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 21/12/2023 06:42

You are annoyed that she sends a present and a card on your child’s actual birthday?

how long do you envision this going on for?

Your child turns 15 is actually 15 but doesn’t celebrate till later in the next year?

Turns 18, but doesn’t celebrate until the next year?

I know loads of people with birthdays at Christmas. Their family make the effort to make sure it’s an actual birthday celebration. Not just get wrapped up with Christmas. That’s it.

WaltzingWaters · 21/12/2023 06:47

I once nannied for a family who gave their Christmastime baby a half birthday party. I heard people saying how odd it was (which was any thoughts too and I didn’t attend the party).
Have your half party if you wish, but don’t be annoyed by MIl celebrating/acknowledging her grandchild’s birthday on their actual birthday.
My niece is a xmas day baby. They still celebrate her birthday and Christmas on Xmas day.

WhatNoRaisins · 21/12/2023 06:51

I thought the half birthday thing was just a party for friends at a more convenient time. I've never heard of family being expected to actually pretend that the birthday is 6 months later. Some people don't react well to bring asked to pretend something.

Is this about you feeling guilt over the Christmas birthday in the first place?

ElevenSeven · 21/12/2023 06:52

What will you do if your child wants to celebrate their actual birthday, when they are old enough to realise? Tell everyone to scrap your half birthday idea now and revert to the actual day?

This is so bizarre.

Swishyfishy · 21/12/2023 06:54

I know two people with half birthdays but the summer celebration is for parties with friends, while the birthday date is for family.

flowerchild2000 · 21/12/2023 07:00

That's my birthday! I always say I don't have a birthday. It's so depressing. My family never celebrated it and everyone else was enjoying their holiday. People always said "This is your Christmas and your birthday," while handing me a Christmas present. I would have absolutely loved a party in another season. I knew other kids with holiday birthdays that got a real celebration on another date. I was so jealous. Your MIL sounds like a backwards redneck. What's the Scottish word for that? Sounds just like people I know back home. She's miserable, don't let her make you feel miserable. Stand your ground, it's your daughter and its fabulous you're giving her a special day like everyone else gets. Honestly I would make it a full day, so she gets a second one. I actually do that for my DD just to make my inner child happy. This year my DD got 3 days- hers is Dec 14 so it does get lost in the season, but I mostly just want her to feel special. How could that possibly be a bad thing and how twisted is someone's mind to not understand?

Lulu1919 · 21/12/2023 07:05

I understand the half birthday for a party for friends etc especially going forward...but to ignore her real birthday is a bit odd ...
My niece was born Jan 1 st
Always had her party for school friends in June - but we still sent birthday pressies etc for the real day and family got together on the nearest Saturday or Sunday afternoon, when younger

Justleaveitblankthen · 21/12/2023 07:08

Am on the fence about this.
As a hard bitten Xmas born myself, I have at least grown up knowing who my true friends are.. and the ones who only give to receive one present to serve both occasions often🤨

FrenchandSaunders · 21/12/2023 07:08

Does the poor kid know hold old she is? Will she still be 3 at Easter?

ABCXYZ17 · 21/12/2023 07:09

There is nothing wrong with cards and presents being sent on her actual birthday. You have created a complicated situation and as you don’t like your MIL are keen to make this all her fault. YABU.

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 21/12/2023 07:09

Absolutely batshit.

Rosiesmummy17 · 21/12/2023 08:07

I thought this too! It feels like you’re making an issue for the sake of making an issue so that you have a reason to complain about your MIL. I don’t know what/if other stuff has happened between you or what history there is but this half birthday business and you having a problem with her sending her grandchild birthday presents on her birthday is utterly absurd..

PostmansKnock · 21/12/2023 08:09

It's daft, that's why she's not on board with it. Deciding to do this when you were pregnant is a completely over the top reaction to something and by doing this you have denied your child that connection with her own birthday. My birthday is at Christmas. It's fine! I obviously now associate my birthday with other things that happen in December - that's my birthday.

TookTheBook · 21/12/2023 08:12

Hmmm I think you're being unfair to her.

We have a Christmas time baby too! We do family celebrations on the day and then party with friends in the summer - so a similar idea to yours, but still fully celebrating on the actual birthday with close family.

I think it's ok for your child's grandparents to want to be part of the real birthday and then I wouldn't expect them to attend the half birthday in the summer.

LittleBrenda · 21/12/2023 08:14

it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

It feels manipulative of your mother in law to send your daughter a birthday present for her birthday!

You are manipulating the fuck out of her birthday. She's going to be so confused when she understands the reality. It's like you are saying that when she was born isn't good enough but mummy will fix it.

I really think you should stop doing it.

My best friend's dd was born on Boxing Day. She's seven now. Before she started school she did have a celebration for her first birthday on her 'half birthday' in the garden but now she has her own friends she just has her birthday party close to the day.

BoohooWoohoo · 21/12/2023 08:16

Yabu
I would personally have a party with her friends a week or two before (so 19th December) and celebrate as a family on the 26th. I would buy toys for the summer on her half birthday so she could enjoy them then and not have to wait but it’s not her birthday.

Shoxfordian · 21/12/2023 08:18

Honestly you should have timed her conception better if you wanted a summer baby!

Don't think your mil is in the wrong

Darhon · 21/12/2023 08:20

Christmas baby here with a child born just after as well. No half birthdays- celebrate in the day. Shift the party to a convenient time if needed but not 6 months later. Or if you are doing that, still allow family presents on the day

ZZGirl · 21/12/2023 08:28

I don't get it.

Feralgremlin · 21/12/2023 08:29

I worked with a guy who did this! He also had a Christmas birthday so he chose a new date in the spring/summer, ignored his official birthday and just celebrated on the new date. Must have worked well for him because he was still doing it in his 40s!

YoBeaches · 21/12/2023 08:34

If you still acknowledge her real
Birthday then why cant MILs card and gift be part of that?

It makes more sense to let family celebrate but do 'dds' thing at another date which they don't have to be part of if they don't want to.

DinkyDonkey2018 · 21/12/2023 08:56

You're confusing your dislike of MIL with your daughters birthday and merging the two together.

By all means, dislike your MIL if you wish, but she isn't unreasonable to wish her grandchild a happy birthday...on their birthday. You're being a bit of a dick.

honeylulu · 21/12/2023 09:00

I know a few people with kids born Christmas week.

One of them always has her birthday party in January. Two others have their party or a celebration day out plus the "big present" in the summer. Sensibly that spreads the cost and some gifts like bikes, scooters or skateboards are better arriving in the summer.

But they all acknowledge the actual birthday on the day with a cake, cards and small presents. Why wouldn't you?

perfectcolourfound · 21/12/2023 09:01

It reads as though you've effectively 'moved' his bday to another date. I've never heard of anyone doing that.

I happen to have a number of family of friends with Christmas birthdays. None have ever felt the need to move them. In fact quite the opposite - I love having a Christmas birthday. It's lovely to celebrate while people are off work and school / in a festive spririt / there's lovely music and decorations and parties. I wouldn't want it any other way, and it's a shame you're telling your child it's a negative thing.

I've heard of people having a summer celebration if they have a winter birthday (a friend who has a BBQ in July because you can't have one in December for example) BUT they haven't moved their birthday. Their cards and gifts and 'happy birthdays' are in December. As it should be.

I can't understand how you could be made at someone for wishing your child happy birthday ON THEIR BIRTHDAY. It isn't fair, it's confusing (especially for your child) and it makes no sense.

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