Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 21/12/2023 22:39

I've known people to habitually have their birthday party/ night out later but not to expect anyone to remember this as a separate occasion for cards/ presents etc. I suppose fine to do it this way but it's incumbent on the birthday person or their parents to organise it, not for others to remember.

GodDammitCecil · 22/12/2023 01:22

It’s more the expecting people to ignore the actual birthday - rather than remembering the random, made-up birthday - that’s the total fruit loop aspect of all this, for me.

Sugarfree23 · 22/12/2023 07:34

Thinking about the practicalities of half birthdays- what age card do you buy?
What age do you tell the child they are?

We 'move' DS birthday by a up to a week. Told him he was 3 a week early. He told nursery he was 3 who were thinking their records were wrong!

Crazycrazylady · 22/12/2023 08:57

I'm just thinking of the poor child going to school and inviting her friends to her birthday party and then she has to say no I'm not 6 year, I'm only 5.5 but I have a half birthday.

Op seriously in case you're still in doubt , you're setting up your poor child for a few years of having the pee taken out of her at school until she refuses to go along with it any longer ( which will be early)
Just have her party in Jan like everyone else

JRM17 · 31/12/2023 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Xmasdaft2023 · 31/12/2023 09:37

You say yourself you acknowledge his birthday so what’s so wrong with anyone else doing so??
My belief with a “half birthday” is that it’s the time of year for a party with friends with the weather being a bit better etc NOT something everyone gets on board with so I believe your MIL is correct.
Personally, I’d celebrate with family every year on his birthday! If you choose to hold a class party or whatever and you want to hold it in the summer crack on but not everyone will understand or get on board with your thoughts on it x

Chilicabbage · 31/12/2023 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

😂 5*

Heatherjayne1972 · 31/12/2023 09:37

I was going to do this. My child is mid dec but had he been born closer to Christmas I’d have had a summer party

but I’d have celebrated the actual birthday too

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 31/12/2023 09:40

I’d leave contact up to him, if he’s not organising it himself there’s a reason.

I did that for years with dh, found out 11 years in what she’d done during his childhood and bitterly regretted inviting her round.

Syndulla · 31/12/2023 09:40

Yeah I'm with MIL on this and my DD's birthday is the day after new year's day. Which probably sucks even more than a Boxing Day birthday because all the Christmas stuff is over and nobody wants to celebrate. Family members inevitably forget each year etc.

But we make sure to celebrate by taking down all the Xmas decorations, putting up birthday bunting, arranging a party the following weekend etc. Basically we make sure there's a clear marking of her birthday with separate presents. It's not tricky.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 31/12/2023 09:41

I don’t get it either, so you’re offended if someone gives your DD presents and a card on her actual birthday?? 🫤 You can celebrate it when you like as a small family unit but surely cannot dictate to others?

That said, your MIL sounds problematic and you should stop being the one to facilitate visits etc - put it all back on to your partner.

Jellytot1234 · 31/12/2023 09:41

Imagine having a parent that ignores your actual birthday. I think your MIL is being completely normal!

ive never heard of a parent ignoring an actual birthday and celebrating later. I’ve heard of having an extra gathering at another time to celebrate but that doesn’t mean your child shouldn’t have an actual birthday. I have a friend with a child born on Boxing Day- they change the Christmas tree to a birthday tree. I just don’t understand why you’d be so ridiculous about her actual birthday. You sound like a real pain in the ass as a daughter in law and partner.

Christmaswonder · 31/12/2023 09:42

I’m afraid this is crazy. My DC’s birthday is Christmas Eve, it’s awful timing and I wish it wasn’t, but it is! We celebrate on the day, his party is usually before or after Christmas but actual presents, cake and cards on the day.

BowlOfNoodles · 31/12/2023 09:43

Hes mom doesn't have to accept that weird shit

GrandyL · 31/12/2023 09:49

I really don’t see that it’s a big deal if your MIL sends a card on your daughter’s actual birthday. You need to grow up

Onelifeonly · 31/12/2023 09:50

I know lots of family and friends with birthdays around Christmas. Of course they celebrate then. Your idea is crazy and I agree with your mil. The point of a birthday is being a year older, not having a celebration, that's secondary. Having said that, one of my friend's kid's birthdays is 23rd Dec. She used to have a half year celebration for him but also celebrated his birthday. I never really thought much about it before but it doesn't make sense. As I recall she'd have a picnic in the park for him but no presents on his 'half birthday'. He's grown up now so don't know if he keeps it up.

Swanfeet · 31/12/2023 09:51

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

Honestly, I’m reading this as you just don’t like your MIL and are trying to create a conflict where there doesn’t need to be one. If you acknowledge your child’s birthday on the 26th then surely it’s fine that your MIL calls and sends gifts on that day? If she doesn’t understand the summer celebration and doesn’t send more gifts that’s ok?

Etoile41 · 31/12/2023 09:51

RisingSunn · 20/12/2023 23:46

This is so odd. You can have a celebration any day you please. But I find it strange not to acknowledge your child’s actual birthday!

This

PurpleFlower1983 · 31/12/2023 09:52

I know a few people who have summer parties for December birthdays but celebrating it as a half birthdays is weird!

Reallyneedwine · 31/12/2023 09:53

This is a joke right - if you wanted a summer baby perhaps planning better would of helped rather than making up birthdays - YABU completely

QuillBill · 31/12/2023 09:54

Honestly, I’m reading this as you just don’t like your MIL and are trying to create a conflict where there doesn’t need to be one
And control.

CoatOfArms · 31/12/2023 09:55

I have a relative who was born on Christmas Day. When she was a child her mother would arrange her "birthday party" for 25 June otherwise she would never have had a party - nobody goes to birthday parties on Christmas Day/Eve or Boxing Day.

But it was just the PARTY on the 25 June, they would wish her happy birthday and buy presents on 25 December.

Marblessolveeverything · 31/12/2023 09:56

Well school should be interesting for the child!

Half birthdays are not a thing and you are sending a very weird message to your child about their birthday.

Sort it out before they go to school and apologise to people for your silliness.

Sugarfree23 · 31/12/2023 09:58

Christmaswonder · 31/12/2023 09:42

I’m afraid this is crazy. My DC’s birthday is Christmas Eve, it’s awful timing and I wish it wasn’t, but it is! We celebrate on the day, his party is usually before or after Christmas but actual presents, cake and cards on the day.

How olds your LO?
How do you give them a bundle of gifts for birthday & then get them excited again for Santa?

My LO has just turned 7. I've tended to give family presents a few days early just our gift in the morning of Christmas Eve.

PeapodBurgundy · 31/12/2023 09:59

My cousin has her birthday on Christmas Day. There was always the usual Christmas gifts on the morning and Christmas meal and lunchtime. Then later on, there was a party supper, birthday cake and small gifts for her. She then as does OPs child had a half birthday in summer, where she would have a party/outing with friends, and receive her main birthday gifts from family.