Half birthdays

[Ekbygum]

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

With your MIL… half birthday just daft.

It seems quite unreasonable to be upset that your MIL is acknowledging your daughter's actual birthday. My dad's birthday is December 21 and my nephew's is the 28, we have a party for both of them in June usually with a BBQ (we call it their 'Official Birthday' like the Queen), but we also still always celebrate their actual birthdays too. Have 2 celebrations, its easy

This is the opposite of the OP’s situation.

You’re (understandably) annoyed that people didn’t mark the actual day.

The OP is annoyed that her child’s grandparent wants to mark the actual day.

I - and lots of others on this thread with birthdays on, or days either side of, Christmas - do not think it was rubbish having a birthday at this time of year. Mainly because our parents handled it in a way that meant we got the whole birthday acknowledgement, and we enjoyed Christmas.

For people like us, it’s a great time of year, with double the festivities! We were encouraged to think like that (i.e. positively about our birthdays), instead of being told implicitly that it’s an inconvenience to have our birthdays at Christmas.

I completely get you. My twins are Xmas eve and for 12 years I have tried to celebrate their half birthday, because in their birthday or close to their friends are always busy. I gave up this year, as I often get from their friends something along the lines of "but its not their birthday, why do they get two birthdays?" And then don't come either cause they think "it's stupid" it socks being a Christmas baby so we do a family buffet on Xmas eve and if they want to bring a couple of friends for a little bit or the whole thing depending on their availability they can. Much less stressful and they're just happy to spend time with their friends and family. I dont think you ABTB but apparently society doesn't agree 😅

@69pineapples69
Have you tried having them inviting friends out either earlier in December or the first week in January?

I think my own family would laugh at a summer birthday party. I can't even work out do you get the cake and candles out and sing happy birthday?

Ops not likely to be back but I'm interested to find out how other people manage with 24th & 25th Birthdays.
I have family also near Christmas Inc 26th who just make the best of it but 24th and 25th are the two main days at Christmas

So you like to pretend your daughter was born 6 months after she actually was and don't like other people not going along with that nonsense 😂😂 give me strength! Behave like an adult, celebrate your daughters birthday ON HER ACTUAL BIRTHDAY and stop trying to make yourself seem more interesting than you are by pretending your child has a different birthday! God almighty people!!

The important thing is surely what your daughter wants. Some children would love a half-birthday that doesn't clash with Christmas, and that is at a warmer time of year if they like outdoor celebrations. Some wouldn't.

I think there's nothing wrong with a half-birthday if it's what you and your dd want, but it's a bit ungracious to complain at MIL giving presents for the actual birthday,

Everyone saying just do this and just do that for their birthday. Hold on a minute. There’s plenty more to life for your child to enjoy and look forward to than birthdays and Christmas.

Op, you me be finding your MIL being ott given your history with her, but taken out of context she is more than reasonable to wish the child a happy birthday on their actual bday. My mom is born on a similar date when everyone has a big party but we still celebrate her birthday.
What we do in my culture however, is to celebrate our name day: most people are named after a saint so we also celebrate that day as well. For eg if your child is named Michael/Michaela/Gabriel/Gabriella you’d have another celebration on November 8th. I have a summer bday so while at Uni I could not celebrate because everyone was in the middle of exams. So always made sure that ai threw a big party on my name day.
I do get why having a half birthday as you call it on a day that has no connection to your child might be confusing to other people.