Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
MsRosley · 21/12/2023 09:43

Your MIL is right.

MarleyandMarleyWoooo · 21/12/2023 09:48

Oh how bloody stupid. You’re making life so hard for yourselves for no good reason! So you acknowledge her actual birthday but MIL can’t say happy birthday or send a gift and a card on her grandchild’s birthday because you want to do a weird half birthday in the summer so her friends can come to her parties? So daft.

harriettenightingale · 21/12/2023 09:53

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

Yes, YABU and it's odd. My birthday is on the 27th, family members have suggested before that we could celebrate it in the summer, but I don't want to, and never did as a child. I want to celebrate my birthday on my actual birthday, even though it's not the greatest day for it.

Wittyapple · 21/12/2023 10:01

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t be able to get on board with a half birthday either, it makes no sense.

i agree with MIL here

WesleyNeverDies · 21/12/2023 10:58

Why not just make a tradition out of a summer party/end of school year party/whatever party? Just because her birthday is in December, doesn't mean you can't organise something fun at any other time of year, so, as you said, she has other stuff to look forward to. It just wouldn't be 'her birthday party', but who cares?

We do parties whenever. No need to be constrained by specific dates or occasions.

Dotcheck · 21/12/2023 11:02

GodDammitCecil · 21/12/2023 00:45

On reflection - I do think that if you want to have a celebration at an unrelated time of year, that’s fine - albeit odd.

Where you are being really, really unreasonable, is in getting mad at your MIL for marking the actual date.

It makes you seem peculiar and difficult (for the sake of it).

This

PillowRest · 21/12/2023 11:05

You should still be marking her actual birthday. Having a party at the 6 month is understandable, but the point of a birthday is celebrating being a year older. When she's eg turning 6 she's going to want to mark that day, not "I turned 6 6 momths ago".
I definitely wouldn't do her out of an actual birthday.

mintbiscuit · 21/12/2023 11:06

This is nonsense. You’re being precious.

chocomoccalocca · 21/12/2023 11:06

I know a family that all have December/ January birthdays. They celebrate half birthdays and that's when they do parties etc. they still have birthday cards and presents on actually birthday though. Think it's weird you don't expect ppl to acknowledge your child's birthday even if you have chosen half birthdays.

PillowRest · 21/12/2023 11:08

Also consider that if you do ignore her actual birthday then she's missing the whole experience of "I've turned this age", people saying happy birthday, the build up to 'her' special day.

TakeMe2Insanity · 21/12/2023 11:10

My dc is born on 23/12 we celebrate then and we do a summer party on 23/6.

YABU to ignore 26/12 and expecting people to go along with it.

iljafjpr · 21/12/2023 11:49

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes

And yet you say in your second post that you "acknowledge it". In which case, why is it a problem that your MIL sends a card and present and says happy birthday on the actual day?

I think you are being absolutely ridiculous.
Your child should have her birthday on her actual birthday and receive presents, cards and birthday greetings from you and relatives and friends. If you want to have her birthday party at a more convenient time, ie. not in the Christmas holidays, you can do that and that would make sense. But no reason why it can't be in January so fairly near the date.

Crazycrazylady · 21/12/2023 13:47

I'm with mil. Odd out and will cause chaos if you try this in school regarding age etc

Honestly op just suck up the December birthday

MamaBanana12 · 21/12/2023 13:52

You're being silly.

My LO is a Xmas day baby.

No drama, no half birthdays. It's not the same. It isn't her birthday, I just don't get why anyone would do it.

She has an amazing Xmas morning all about Santa.

After Xmas dinner, it's all birthday! She loves it.

And she has a party weekend before.

We just use Easter as an opportunity to get her any summery / garden bits, not that we celebrate Easter but rather than loads of chocolate.

Epidote · 21/12/2023 15:14

My daughter was born on New year's eve. I celebrate it with family and in April we run a Easter treasure hunt for her friend as big party.
It works for us.

gannett · 21/12/2023 16:55

Half birthdays are not a thing and it's ridiculous to expect anyone to remember them. Your MIL isn't remotely unreasonable.

I know a couple of people with birthdays in between Xmas and NY and they always just have parties in January (and they call them birthday parties, not half-birthday parties or one-twelfth birthday parties or whatever).

skibiditoilet · 21/12/2023 17:01

YABU. Poor child. There’s no better feeling than a birthday feeling. You know, that feeling it’s your special day and should be spoiled. A half birthday is bonkers. A random day you choose and force a birthday on a child.

muddyford · 21/12/2023 17:04

Just celebrate the proper birthday. Many of us have birthdays around Christmas without that faffing.

HardcoreLadyType · 21/12/2023 17:05

I think it’s a great idea, but honestly, just let your MIL do her own thing.

If she’s anything like my (now deceased) MIL was, she may well get a kick out of upsetting you by “not understanding”. So just don’t rise to it.

Plankingplanks · 21/12/2023 17:05

This has to be peak MN!! Why the hell can't your MIL just celebrate their actual birthday rather than some random date!!😂😂😂😂😂😂

BodyKeepingScore · 21/12/2023 17:11

This has got to be a wind up?

LifeonMarsnotVenus · 21/12/2023 17:45

YAB ridiculous and mean to your MIL too.

I have one friend in her 40's now with a 1st Jan birthday who still celebrates a half Birthday on 1st July.

BUT, the difference is that the actual birth date is still celebrated as normal with the second one being a regular summer party type event that everyone looks forward to.

Your child is likely to be at school with other kids who also have Christmassy birthdays so she'll likely be confused that she's not allowed to celebrate the actual date in the same way that they are.

Grumpsy · 21/12/2023 17:52

YABU - I say this as someone with a December birthday - your idea sounds completely nuts

Levo · 21/12/2023 18:53

Grandmother gives granddaughter cards and gifts on her actual birthday?

I think I need another MN break.

GodDammitCecil · 21/12/2023 21:18

Right?

It’s stuff like this that really makes you question whether this is the best use of your time….

Swipe left for the next trending thread