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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
ChateauDuMont · 21/12/2023 00:26

Stupid idea.

Dizzy82 · 21/12/2023 00:26

My son's 18 this Xmas eve, we just make sure to wrap birthday presents in birthday paper and take him out for a nice meal, when he was younger he had parties the week before. Never considered a half birthday

Aprilx · 21/12/2023 00:26

I am with MIL, I find this concept very odd and hard to get on board with. I find it a bit mean even, to not properly celebrate her birthday on the actual day.

My sister’s birthday is 28th December, we always made sure to recognise it separately from Christmas, no combined presents, no Christmas wrapping paper on the birthday presents etc. I think so long as you do that you can recognise her birthday on the actual day, lots of people have birthdays near Christmas without your very peculiar half birthday idea.

GodDammitCecil · 21/12/2023 00:32

Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

I think you’ve got your answer…..

Choux · 21/12/2023 00:34

I understand half birthdays. I know three sisters whose birthdays are all v close to Christmas. They get a ton of gifts in winter and then nothing for 12 months. They also often visit family abroad for Christmas so can't have their party till quite a while after some of their birthdays.

I have often bought them a Christmas gift at Christmas and then a birthday gift in the summer. They now have their parties whenever is the right time for the activity- be it Feb, Easter or summer. They get cake and gifts from parents on their birthdays, gifts from party attendees whenever they have the party and gifts from me in the summer. It spreads things out.

Choux · 21/12/2023 00:38

I should add that I still send cards for the birthday, sometimes go to a birthday lunch. and the smaller they were the closer to their birthday the actual party with nursery / school friends was. It's as they have got older that the party with friends has decoupled from the actual Dec date.

Mills86 · 21/12/2023 00:42

I’m with MIL. I’d feel a bit sorry for my grandchild. I’ve never said this before on here but I actually think it’s a bit ridiculous. Sorry OP. I also get emotional on birthdays remembering what was happening on the days leading up to it regarding labour etc so I’d find this really odd.

Why not just celebrate a week before or after like most do when their children have Christmas close to their birthday?

GodDammitCecil · 21/12/2023 00:45

On reflection - I do think that if you want to have a celebration at an unrelated time of year, that’s fine - albeit odd.

Where you are being really, really unreasonable, is in getting mad at your MIL for marking the actual date.

It makes you seem peculiar and difficult (for the sake of it).

hoobanoobie · 21/12/2023 00:56

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 20/12/2023 23:41

If you try and start something so idiotic, you have to be prepared for other people not to play along.

This. Plenty of people have kids whose birthdays overlap with Christmas. They still celebrate and acknowledge their birthday. You're being overly precious and I doubt your child will appreciate it the older they get if you can't even now manage to separate a holiday from their actual birthday happening close together. You think they'll keep their half birthday as a teenager or adult? Stop being silly. You know when you gave birth, acknowledge it correctly for your child. Mountain out of a molehill. Get a grip.

metellaestinatrio · 21/12/2023 01:10

I have a Christmas Eve baby and we celebrate the birthday as a family on the day (birthday decorations, birthday cake, separate presents wrapped in birthday paper plus an outing to ice skating / the theatre and lunch). His party is more of a moveable feast, either in January (giving something to look forward to) or later in the year as a half birthday depending on what we are doing. Not celebrating the birthday on the actual day at all is unusual and I’m with your MIL here!

Sashya · 21/12/2023 01:21

OP - you are being unreasonable and your MIL is not trying to undermine you.
Your child's birthday is when it is. You can't be upset that family recognises it as such. And - as your child gets older - they'll know when their birthday is and you'll need to do what all other parents do - recognise and celebrate your kid's ACTUAL birthday.

You can of course have more parties and mark half=birthday if you so wish. You can give your kid a present then. Or have a summer party with friends.

Or - as it often happens with kids birthdays - you have them a few weeks after the actual birthday when kids get back to school.

But anyway - stop making drama and blame your MIL for something of your own doing.

TheBeesKnee · 21/12/2023 01:25

This is a bonkers idea, why did you "decide" to make everything so difficult.

I'm afraid that I'm with your MIL and I would also send a card/gift on her actual birthday and not pander to your ridiculous demands.

That being said this seems SO FAR out there that I wonder if you're actually alright?

Ladyj84 · 21/12/2023 01:32

The problem is you making a scene about a half birthday which means nothing. Do you realise how stupid you sound!! So don't put the blame on others. We have a fair few December birthdays in our family and all happen as they should not some bizzare stupid idea to have in 6 months time

piscofrisco · 21/12/2023 03:53

Both my dh and DD's birthdays are Boxing Day. In fairness it's potentially a rubbish day to have a birthday, but we make the most of it with either a brunch at ours (earlyish so people can come, often before they go on to see their family or whatever), or we book lunch out. For dd when little we used to do a very early treasure hunt around our local park with flasks of hot drinks and pastries and stuff for the adults, which was really lovely and people used to like getting their littles out of the house for it. This year for her big birthday (18) we had a big party at the beginning of December to kick the festive period off, and we are also doing her usual brunch with friends on the day. You just have to plan it and invite people well in advance. We considered doing the half birthday thing but it wouldn't have felt the same for her or for us. (Dh isn't bothered re his birthday either way). I can see where your MIL is coming from and I wouldn't make it a hill to die on. Just make her actual birthday a thing.

Kimmeridge · 21/12/2023 05:40

yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes

So, do you just ignore her birthday on the actual day??? That's bizarre. Surely there's room to compromise. No matter what you feel Dec 26 is her birthday so surely its celebrated & acknowledged same as any other birthday and her 'half birthday' 🙄is for having a party etc

I cant see that your MIL is doing anything wrong. You're making un necessary problems

WandaWonder · 21/12/2023 05:41

Ok sounds weird to me but you want to celebrate it then so do so, other people would give presents want to see her or whatever on her actual birthday

You cant control how other people want to celebrate something that is perfectly normal to them

If the child wants to do some weirsd thing liek that when they are older that is up to them me

Olika · 21/12/2023 05:55

For me this is nuts. No wonder people are confused.

RowanMayfair · 21/12/2023 05:55

If you acknowledge it then what's wrong with MIL acknowledging it too?
have a half birthday for school friends (though the parents will find it totally weird) but why shouldn't family celebrate her actual birthday?

Temporaryname158 · 21/12/2023 05:56

It is not a manipulative act by your MIL. You are being totally unreasonable.

despite later protest you’ve clearly stated in the first post you pretty much ignore the actually birthday and are getting annoyed with those who perfectly rationally recognise it.

celebrate on the 26th and just have a school/family party in June

ZebraD · 21/12/2023 05:58

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

Sounds like you don’t acknowledge it if you are getting annoyed that your MIL brings a card and present on her actual birthday. Strange.

Littlegoth · 21/12/2023 06:01

Normandy144 · 20/12/2023 23:54

Those that I know with birthdays on Xmas eve,day or boxing Day do indeed have a party in the summer however they absolutely also celebrate their actual birthday too and so gifts and cards are sent as normal by family and close friends.The party is purely for school friends really and to allow the child to experience a proper birthday party because the reality is that they'll never be in school on their birthday. I would just let you Mil send gifts and card as normal and not over think it.

Yes lots of people we know do this!

Sugarfree23 · 21/12/2023 06:06

Op YABU. You can't ignore your child's actual birthday. Mil is doing the normal thing, acknowledging her DGDs birthday 🎂

Half my family, is in the last two weeks of December. Yes it's a PITA. Yes life would be more enjoyable if they were spread out. But nobody celebrates half birthdays.

Growing up, my Auntie with a Boxing Day child had a quiet Christmas but had the Grannies round for dinner and rest of the family for cake on 26th.

The one that does move is 24th, this year family are round on 22nd for cake. I just don't want a bundle of gifts on 24th and then trying to get LO excited again for the next day. I also want to watch a film. But if we are hosting dinner I'm normally running around like an idiot.

Chilicabbage · 21/12/2023 06:11

It's weird. Not the Mil, the half birthday

LakeTiticaca · 21/12/2023 06:20

You can do both. Celebrate the official birthday with family. Party in the summer for school/nursery friends

PurBal · 21/12/2023 06:34

We have a December 23 birthday. We celebrate on the day. I usually buy a gift that can used at a later date (eg a trip). We tried a half birthday one year but it just muddled things.