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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
x2boys · 31/12/2023 09:59

Good luck with trying to carry this on as your child gets older they will realise when their actual birthday and Will.want to celebrate it
My sons birthday is also on Boxing day.

PostmansKnock · 31/12/2023 09:59

Half birthdays are not a thing and you are sending a very weird message to your child about their birthday.

That's what I think.

'Well darling, you weren't born at the right time, it's inconvenient for everyone.'

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/12/2023 10:00

I don’t think that having some sort of party later in the year is completely unreasonable, but it‘d be beyond weird to do nothing on her actual birthday. At 3 she won’t know or care, but she certainly will by the time she’s at school.

HoldMeCloserTonyDancer · 31/12/2023 10:00

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 20/12/2023 23:41

If you try and start something so idiotic, you have to be prepared for other people not to play along.

Lunacy. I’ve never heard the like

Snowyet · 31/12/2023 10:01

my birthday is Christmas, when you’re at school you just gave you party two weeks before or after, having a whole different date and celebrating it as a half and not acknowledging the real one is weird. Good on your mil for sending presents and cards on her birthday

springtome · 31/12/2023 10:01

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

So you are allowed to acknowledge it but not your mil?

My sil has a Christmas Eve birthday which is still celebrated by everyone but for the last few years my DB has also celebrated with her and their kids in June. They would never expect the rest of us to celebrate and acknowledge the June day though. That is really weird.

CommonOrNot · 31/12/2023 10:01

I do this 🙋🏼for my best friend her half birthday falls in June. It’s great. Breaks the year up and gives something to look forward to rather than everything coming at once. Plus it’s nice to have birthday in the summer rather than dreary weather.

Howbizzare22 · 31/12/2023 10:02

This is so fucked up. Stop inventing new rules that are only going to confuse people including your child. Their birthday is 26th dec- end of! Have a party a weekend or two before it after the date not half a year away calling it a half birthday. Absolutely ridiculous nonesense. MIL is in the right and seems like you’re creating narratives to suit yourself and your entitled attitude.

Kingsleadhat · 31/12/2023 10:02

My son's birthday is New Year's Eve. We always had his birthday party on December 1 when he was at school so that people could make it . As an adult he still prefers to celebrate on December 1 and family and friends regard this as his birthday

HoppingPavlova · 31/12/2023 10:03

This is weird. I know someone with a child born 36th and another on the big day itself - 25th. In both cases, family celebrated the actual birthday ON the day, but both had school birthday parties mid-year. No one tried to get the grandparents to celebrate on the school party, not actual birthday. No wonder your MIL is highly confused, because this is batshit.

CommonOrNot · 31/12/2023 10:04

FTR everyone else followed suit when they saw how much nicer it is for all involved. She absolutely loves it as she hates having her Xmas birthday

Newsenmum · 31/12/2023 10:04

Sorry op I’m with the others. I understand doing a summer party and maybe friends give presents then, but her birthday is her birthday. Just let mil do her thing!

Fuckmeicantbebothered · 31/12/2023 10:04

We do both.
DD is a 26th December baby too.
Most of her friends can't make her actual birthday, and she's always wanted a "summer" thing to celebrate, so things like barbecues etc.

Though that celebration doesn't really take from her birthday being her actual birthday, she receives gifts, a cake, cards and we celebrate twice.

Kerri44 · 31/12/2023 10:05

My Stepdaughter is born on the 27th, she decided at 7 she wanted "half birthday" that swiftly got told no....by both parents. My cousin was born Christmas day, he's never had "half birthdays".... personally think it's daft.....you make her birthday her birthday

Dontcallmescarface · 31/12/2023 10:05

As someone who has their birthday on December 25th, I will just say this. Half birthday's are shit. It's bad enough being ignored on the actual birthday but having a "half birthday" just rubs salt in the wound. "Oh we're not going to celebrate your birthday near your actual birthday, you'll have to wait six months", meanwhile every other member of the family gets to celebrate and have parties on or near their actual birthday. If you want your child to feel like their birthday doesn't matter to anybody apart from them, then crack on with the "half birthday"

IMustDoMoreExercise · 31/12/2023 10:06

I think that it is a really good idea and would do the same if my child was born around Christmas.

I would let your MIL celebrate when she wants and have the party in June. That way your daughter gets something on her real birthday.

Xyyxxx · 31/12/2023 10:07

I think its a marvellous idea. I've often wondered why more people don't do it.

Littleslowloris · 31/12/2023 10:08

This is a ridiculous idea. My DD’s birthday is 30th December. We have never and would not celebrate her birthday 6 months later. We celebrate her birthday on the day she was born just like everyone else! We always did her party in mid January as everyone is so busy in December. She’s too old for parties now but is having a few friends for a birthday sleepover in Jan.
Why are you assuming it’s a bad thing to have a birthday straight after Christmas? My daughter loves that her birthday is at this time of year 🤷‍♀️

QuillBill · 31/12/2023 10:09

CommonOrNot · 31/12/2023 10:01

I do this 🙋🏼for my best friend her half birthday falls in June. It’s great. Breaks the year up and gives something to look forward to rather than everything coming at once. Plus it’s nice to have birthday in the summer rather than dreary weather.

And you just decided this without her input and if her grandmother wishes her happy birthday in December do you get pissed off and tell her grandmother that your friend will find it confusing and that she mustn't tell her it's her birthday in December because you have decided it's in the summer?

Outforlunchallday · 31/12/2023 10:09

You say you still acknowledge it so why isn’t your MIL allowed to acknowledge it too.
You’re being very unreasonable.

LlynTegid · 31/12/2023 10:09

Half birthdays are for Paddington Bear or maybe Adrian Mole.

Better off to celebrate sometime nearer the day, indeed once at school, a birthday party in the first or second week of the new school term might be a good way of reducing the feeling of being flat in January.

Baba197 · 31/12/2023 10:10

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

If you acknowledge it then why can’t your mil also?! My friend does a half bday as her daughter was born Xmas day but it’s literally a party mostly for the friends, they celebrate with family on the day or day after.

LondonLass91 · 31/12/2023 10:11

I have to say, celebrating something 6 months after the day is the oddest thing I have ever heard of. Also quite cruel, actually. Sorry.

LadyBird1973 · 31/12/2023 10:11

I think I'd continue to have birthday parties in the summer, because otherwise your child will miss out on having friends get together to celebrate. But with family, I'd celebrate her birthday on the actual day.

But I would also stop pushing dh to invite his mum to events or you choosing her in preference to your own (supportive) mum. It's up to your husband to make the effort here and if he cba, then so be it. I certainly wouldn't be going out of my way to make a special effort. I'd not be rowing with her and I certainly wouldn't discourage dh from visiting/inviting her, but it would have to be his effort, if you know she dislikes you.

sausagepastapot · 31/12/2023 10:11

YADBU. This madness, stop it. So weird

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