Half birthdays

[Ekbygum]

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

Says who... most people posting here with Xmas birthdays say it's a mad idea.

I was born at Easter, weather is rarely great, schools are all off and people are busy and years where it lands bang on Easter everything is closed... but having a random birthday summer or autumn birthday instead would be bizarre.

6 months is the POLAR OPPOSITE of the persons birthday, it literally could not be any further in either direction of their actual birthday... just weird.

Moving a birthday 'party' either way by a week is pretty normal to fit into life/schedules. Moving it by 2 weeks either side might be logical based on situation but if you can find any time in the MONTH surrounding the birthday to celebrate its a bit weird.

Moving it not just a few weeks but 6 MONTH is bat shit and actually quite disrespectful basically saying 'hey no one can be arsed with your birthday lets move it to a time where something else isn't more important that you'.

A party held in Summer for a Winter baby is also NOT on any planet a 'birthday' party. You can hold a random party any time of year if you want to, loads of people have summer parties/BBQs etc... (there no reason except nice weather and wanting to be social) but to be an actual 'birthday' party has to be with in reasonable time of when the birth date actually is.

This though process brings to mind the father who tried to insist the hospital lie on his kids birth certificate because he didn't like that date the kid was actually born on... he was sharply told no one would commit fraud for his nonsense and sense of entitlement and its the same here, just nonsense.

If you read the op's posts she says that the day is acknowledged - so I don't quite get your point here!

The entire point of the thread is that the OP is mad that the MIL wants to acknowledge the actual day.

She posted subsequently to say they do acknowledge it (I would venture because everyone came on to say how weird the whole set up is) - so if that is indeed the case, why get so irate that the MIL wants to acknowledge the actual day……..?

I’m a Christmas baby too - so you don’t need to tell me anything on that front! As I said upthread, my parents always made sure I got birthday and Christmas parents, and as a result, I LOVE this time of year! It helps that it’s summer here, and everyone’s on holiday and in a festive mood.

As I have also said upthread, having a half birthday celebration at a different time of year is absolutely fine, if that’s what the OP wants to do.

What’s not OK, is getting so aerated at the MIL for wanting to acknowledge the actual day. That is plain weird.

Especially if, as the OP says, the immediate family do actually acknowledge it! Not letting MIL also acknowledge it is even weirder!

Ans yes - she did ask for opinions, so she is getting them. Although has long since left the thread, so obviously wasn’t happy with the loud and clear feedback that most agree with MIL.

What I would suggest as constructive feedback for the OP, is to allow people to acknowledge the actual day with a card and gift, and carry on celebrating the half birthday as a family as well.

The OP is digging her heels in over something that it’s really not worth falling out over. It’s silly and not conducive to good family relations.

I never understand why people don’t just try to get on! MN is a different world to me, with all the fallings out and needles drama with family members.

@housethatbuiltme Says me 🙃 It's what I'd like if I was born at Xmas, because I prefer summer to winter.

I have two daughters with birthdays either side of Christmas. We still send cards and and have a cake on their actual birthdays I think it's really sad that you do nothing at all. We do parties at the half birthday but they still have an actual birthday and want to celebrate turning another year older.

If you still acknowledge it on the 27th then you should not have any issue with her grandmother sending cards or gifts for the day, for this to be a real concern of yours sounds controlling and actually you’re fortunate to have a grandparent for your daughter who wants to express her love for her by acknowledging the day she was born….you are absolutely being unreasonable in my opinion

My BIL has a Xmas day birthday and he still has a half birthday. We get him a card in his actual birthday and give him his preset on his half birthday.

Have heard of several that do this. Think it's a nice idea.

My daughters birthday is the 27th and she absolutely loves it. She is off school and it is just more excitement after Christmas. There is no way we would now be able to tell her we wasn't celebrating fully and told people not to bother for 6 months but she could have a couple of cards and bit of a present!! She would be so upset. She has just gone 6. Don't think you will be able to get your child on board with the stupid plan by the next birthday.
I understand a party for friends in the summer may be ok, but not really necessary. We have had parties a week or so into January and it's fine. Or her friend who was born on the 25th usually has one early December for friends.

@Sugarfree23 he’s just turned 8. He still loves having presents two days in a row! I’m waiting for him to inevitably realise it’s a bit shit getting it all over and done with in two days, and then having to wait a year, but that hasn’t happened yet. We tend to have a low ish key day on his birthday, he has a balloon and all of his presents and cards first thing, cake after lunch, but we’re quite often doing either family things like walks, and he wants to play with his new things.

@Rainbowshit what age do they celebrate in summer?

You are being ridiculous op.

My husband switched to a half birthday when he was 26ish (November to july)

Lots of people were confused to begin with but he changed it on social media so people got reminders in July and now everyone apart from his parents and brother just roll with the july one (i completely get why his immediate family don't do the july one though... i mean his mum pushed him out on that day and they celebrated it for 25 years!)

I think your reasons are fine, I wouldn't fight it with her though. Just roll with it and if she gets silly just don't invite her to the summer birthday party!

My daughter’s birthday is a few days before Christmas and I hate it but her birthday is her birthday, we just do her party at the start of the month or on a weekday/school night to make it easier.

One of her friends has her birthday on Christmas Day and they do actually do a half birthday party and ask people to give gifts etc in June rather than December, but inevitably she still gets some gifts in December and they just accept that. They still acknowledge her actual birthday anyway - they do a birthday breakfast for her on Christmas Day and birthday gifts from her parents in the morning, then they do Christmas in the afternoon.

You say you acknowledge your LO’s birthday on her birthday, so I’m not sure why you have an issue with her grandmother wishing her happy birthday on her birthday? It sounds to me like you have bigger issues with MIL and it’s resulting in you making this into a mountain out of a mole hill, but this one does seem to be a you issue…

My nephew's birthday is Xmas Eve, My Brothers is 27th. We celebrate them on the day. We do this because we don't like creating unnecessary drama and because it is the day they are born on. Hence the name "birth day". You are being pretty ridiculous to be honest.

@yellowlabrador how olds your nephew?
How do the parents cope with family round on Christmas eve, then trying to get a mega hyped up child to leave stuff for Santa ? And deal with getting sorted to host Christmas Dinner?

The thought of it frazzles my brain - LO just turned 7. I do birthday a day or so early but maybe it should be actual birthday!

This is so odd! You will really confuse your child once she’s old enough to realise it’s not her actual birthday then. Why would you not celebrate her actual birthday on her birthday then have a party a few weeks later in January, that will give her something nice to look forward to in the new year when there’s not really much going on. I can totally understand where your MIL is coming from.

I mean, I’ve heard of half (and even quarter) birthdays but that’s from working in life insurance years ago 🤣

I can understand your reasoning regarding parties, but honestly what does it matter if your MIL sends her present and card to mark her actual birthday? You say you DO acknowledge her real birthday, which I think is very important as that will be her birthday for the rest of her life and when she grows up she won’t be celebrating it in June anymore.

I think the half birthday should really only apply to kids parties, and her family cards and gifts should be on her real birthday.

It’s not confusing, your MIL is either dumb or awkward, but just let her send the present in December, she’s not coming to the party.

My daughter is christmas day - we did first saturday of December until she was about 12. it worked ok at first with a few grumbles of 'when is it again?!' as she got older she and her friends didn't really class it as her birthday as it wasn't. She is now 20 and we just do the best we can and embrace it with little traditions - birthday cake xmas dessert, her pressies with bubbles at 7pm. essential it's just a bit rubbish but you have to just make the best of it, it's part of who they are and a special little thing about them

You are being daft OP, just celebrate on your child's birthday or have a party the following weekend. If she has siblings with what you consider 'normal' birthdays, it's going to make her feel odd being forced to celebrate in what you consider a more acceptable month of the year.

My daughter's friend was born Xmas Eve and we used to go along to her party which was sometimes on the day, sometimes the Saturday before.

Nowt wrong with a December or January birthday. Some of the coolest people are Capricorns😀and she isn't going to thank you for making her feel like an oddball.

This is a tough one as I slightly relate, since my birthday is 27th August & most people are either on hols or having some sort of bank holiday stuff going on of their own (and it was always, always in school hols of course). However, I was lucky it was at least in summer so you could do more. DS's is 15th April, so similar prob as often near Easter (I also have a cousin with twins - now mid 30s - who share a Christmas Eve birthday and just royally embrace it). Husband's is Feb 17th, right near Valentine's & half-term. Both my parents share a birthday with a sibling and only one is a twin.

So, with all that in mind...I say stick with 26th Dec as official birthday & have fab Boxing Day family celebrations each year, with family gifts & cards, then hold the kids / friends party in eg May /June so DC can have a fun party with friends innice weather too. As the years go by, your DC will inevitably make her own choice about how & when to celebrate her birthday (eg during the ages 17-23, she'll prob want a mahoosive Boxing Day / New Year's Eve bash with her mates and that will be your cue to remember how much your MILs interfering bothered you & have the good grace to let your DC figure this stuff out for herself!!

Nowadays, I make my own fun, regardless of who's on a cruise / in Spain or Greece / is having a summer bank hol BBQ, etc. by typically booking off work for looonnnnggg weekend & doing sonething nice with hubby...(2023 it was Guys & Dolls in London, while my brill ILs looked after DS!) I very rarely work / have hideous day on my birthday, with 2 notable exceptions: my 16th (also my GCSE results day) & one year around 2008 ish, where I gave results rethink advice at a school (I'm a Careers Adviser), including to someone who was celebrating their 16th birthday! Oh how we laughed :-(

I think this will get confusing for the child when she is at school

Celebrate her birthday with her school friends a few weeks early then with family on her actual birthday

You said you acknowledge her birthday on the actual day but seem annoyed with grandma doing the same? Very confusing....

Hot weather doth not a birthday make - Shakespeare said that!

There's loads of fun stuff to do at this time of year for kids - pantomime, outdoor ice skating rinks, Christmas funfairs, indoor places with all the twinkly lights where you can add your birthday banners and these go on into January. Makes it doubly special.

Go with the December birthday, forget about a fake June birthday (who cares about that!) and make your child feel lucky to be born at this magical time of year.

My cousins birthday is in Boxing Day and we always have a family party and celebrate - birthday cards and presents given - Totally fine no problem at all. Don’t bother with half birthday waste of time, plus only the Queen had two birthdays?!! Just have the party with class mates during term time either before or after Xmas holidays

I've finally set up a mumsnet account so I can reply, since all the other replies wound me up!

Our 2yo has a birthday a few days away from Christmas. For their 1st birthday everyone got combined Christmas/birthday presents for child, and no one was available to celebrate. The birthday was swallowed up by Christmas. Every single person I have met with a similar birthday says birthdays growing up were rubbish OR they say they celebrated in late January or in summer. So we said going forward we will do a half birthday instead. All family are fine with this, and say it makes sense as long as child is happy. People text happy birthday this year and child got a few birthday cards but that's it.

If child wants to celebrate both, or just real birthday, as they get older then we'll do that.

If your MIL is getting separate presents and still celebrating the half birthday, then just let her do her thing. But if she's simply dismissing your child's actual celebration then I'd have words. Explain that you want your child to have a day that's all about them, when the Christmas period is so often about everyone and all family.

It really is an unnecessary affectation to invent a half birthday & celebrate random 6mth point. It is wholly random to chose a 6mth date and decide that’s a half birthday and schedule cake and celebration. Having to explain oh it’s not actually my birthday. You see my mum insists on a half year celebration that is not actually my birthday. Plenty of folk have Xmas birthdays And they crack on. They dont invent a convoluted half birthday and expect family to fall in line

It's odd how many people here are saying how terrible for the child.
Maybe the child would like it.

When the concept was mentioned to my aunt, who's had over 70 years experience of a near Christmas birthday, her immediate response was "I wish someone had suggested that when I was little."