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Original poster

Life too difficult as a single mum, get back with ex?

212 replies

ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 11:48

Just that really. Has anyone given things another go? It doesn’t get any easier it really doesn’t so don’t want to be told it does as it doesn’t. Just has anyone given things another go and did it work out?

OP posts:
Raspberrymoon49 · 17/12/2023 20:27

@Thatswhy11 what is the point of your post, most people are trying to help OP in the here and now, this issue her very tough reality, how do your words help, stop putting her down, so bloody insensitive.
OP I really feel for you, I raised one alone with no help, no financial or practical support from ex, had mortgage and working full time, can only imagine the pressure you’re under and wish I had a magic wand to make it better for you all

Socialyawkward · 17/12/2023 20:44

Think op was hoping for happy outcome stories.

I think your mind is made up op on him moving back in so not gonna say anymore on that.

However I have a school refused a bad one which last year was impacting younger ones punctuality. The la should have some support and solutions for you

Socialyawkward · 17/12/2023 20:45

That's not trying to change your mind ^ just some practical thoughts as now you've elaborated in circumstances you probably do feel stuck down a hole and can't split yourself in 4

Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 17/12/2023 22:18

Raspberrymoon49 · 17/12/2023 20:27

@Thatswhy11 what is the point of your post, most people are trying to help OP in the here and now, this issue her very tough reality, how do your words help, stop putting her down, so bloody insensitive.
OP I really feel for you, I raised one alone with no help, no financial or practical support from ex, had mortgage and working full time, can only imagine the pressure you’re under and wish I had a magic wand to make it better for you all

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 17/12/2023 22:24

I'm on some support groups for school refusers but the general consensus is to home educate him but I couldn't cope with that.

The only other thing is letting ex stay over when he sees the children but he was doing that before but it felt like we was a couple anyway and he kept trying it on so I put a stop to it. That's when he backed off but doing families days out and sleep overs felt like I was back in a relationship with him.

OP posts:
Socialyawkward · 17/12/2023 23:18

You've been dealt with very unfairly here tbh op. You're trying your best BUT not getting help or support and ill recon the kids school are making you feel anxious as fuck and like you have no where or no one to turn to.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 18/12/2023 04:37

Socialyawkward · 17/12/2023 20:44

Think op was hoping for happy outcome stories.

I think your mind is made up op on him moving back in so not gonna say anymore on that.

However I have a school refused a bad one which last year was impacting younger ones punctuality. The la should have some support and solutions for you

Think op was hoping for happy outcome stories.

I've never got back with a bf and had it work out well

Sexist lower expectations of men mean that they get to cop out of parenthood using mental illness as an excuse but women don't unless we are actually hospitalised. Unless he spent some time as an in-patient, I'd agree with PPs that he just couldn't be bothered with parenting a fourth child.

My advice to you not to go back to him is based on those two observations.

The LA may be able to give support with the nine year old.

pikkumyy77 · 18/12/2023 06:16

OP can wish that this works as much as she wants but it can’t. The man is demonstrating a complete lack of care for her and the children. He may move back in for a while but he doesn’t have it in him to be a real asset to the family.

Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 18/12/2023 19:37

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 18/12/2023 04:37

Think op was hoping for happy outcome stories.

I've never got back with a bf and had it work out well

Sexist lower expectations of men mean that they get to cop out of parenthood using mental illness as an excuse but women don't unless we are actually hospitalised. Unless he spent some time as an in-patient, I'd agree with PPs that he just couldn't be bothered with parenting a fourth child.

My advice to you not to go back to him is based on those two observations.

The LA may be able to give support with the nine year old.

Edited
Show quote history

No not at all I know it's easy to assume it was a cop out to get out of parenting but that isn't the case at all, he has a life long diagnosed mental illness and has been sectioned at least 3 times that I'm aware of but possibly more. He is now medicated and has been well for a few years. This illness only happened when I was pregnant with the youngest for those who choose to believe I deliberately had children in this situation well I didnt!

OP posts:
category12 · 18/12/2023 19:45

ChristmasPuddingPie · 18/12/2023 19:37

No not at all I know it's easy to assume it was a cop out to get out of parenting but that isn't the case at all, he has a life long diagnosed mental illness and has been sectioned at least 3 times that I'm aware of but possibly more. He is now medicated and has been well for a few years. This illness only happened when I was pregnant with the youngest for those who choose to believe I deliberately had children in this situation well I didnt!

Show quote history

What if once he's back with you he goes off his medication?

People often do stop taking their MH related medications.

Once he has the safety net of you and the family home, he might be tempted to let it slide.

onanotherday · 18/12/2023 20:01

OP you sound at your wits end. Do you have a social worker? Might help to get support.

Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 18/12/2023 20:07

No we are not involved with social services.

My ex has been well for around 5 years now. Unlikely to come off his medication as he accepts it's a life long thing

OP posts:
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