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Original poster

Life too difficult as a single mum, get back with ex?

212 replies

ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 11:48

Just that really. Has anyone given things another go? It doesn’t get any easier it really doesn’t so don’t want to be told it does as it doesn’t. Just has anyone given things another go and did it work out?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 12:24

Socialyawkward · 14/12/2023 12:20

Do you love him ?

I don’t think so but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t come back. He said he loves me though.

OP posts:
littlemousebigcheese · 14/12/2023 12:26

But if he's no help surely getting back together is just adding more work as you'll end up looking after him too?!

Curlywurlycaz2 · 14/12/2023 12:26

It sounds like you would be raising them alone when he is there too though? What would he actually contribute?

Curlywurlycaz2 · 14/12/2023 12:28

Instead of getting back together, tell him to start pulling his finger out and raise his own children.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/12/2023 12:28

ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 12:23

because then I wouldn’t be raising them alone?? Someone else will be here? I’m struggling with raising them alone with no family help. The single mums I know have lots of family support.

Or, you would still be doing 100% of the work of raising your children, but you would also have another mouth to feed, more laundry, and a man you don't love and who clearly is not a good parent under your feet at home and sleeping in your bed. Yay.....

Curlywurlycaz2 · 14/12/2023 12:28

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/12/2023 12:28

Or, you would still be doing 100% of the work of raising your children, but you would also have another mouth to feed, more laundry, and a man you don't love and who clearly is not a good parent under your feet at home and sleeping in your bed. Yay.....

Show quote history

This!!!!!

BloodyAdultDC · 14/12/2023 12:30

He's not stepping up with any parenting when you are separated, what do you think is magically going to happen when you get back with him?

You'll still be doing all the parenting - the emotional, physical and financial load - AS WELL AS dealing with all his shit too.

Why not tell him that before you agree to get back together that he needs to take on some more - taking the kids out a bit more, having them overnight etc.

It might not get much easier (I've been on my 'own' for 14 years now with almost no support from ex, teenage dc have their own special set of issues) but it can only get harder adding an ex back into the mix, surely?

tescocreditcard · 14/12/2023 12:30

Can you be more specific about what your struggling with?

muchalover · 14/12/2023 12:31

I have 4 kids. All ADHD and one autistic as well. All traumatized.

It gets easier. Why would all of us say that if it isn't at least possible.

Is it that you want to get back and are looking for external validation for that?

Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 12:33

TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/12/2023 12:28

Or, you would still be doing 100% of the work of raising your children, but you would also have another mouth to feed, more laundry, and a man you don't love and who clearly is not a good parent under your feet at home and sleeping in your bed. Yay.....

Show quote history

No it wasn’t like that when he was around he actually did his share

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 12:34

muchalover · 14/12/2023 12:31

I have 4 kids. All ADHD and one autistic as well. All traumatized.

It gets easier. Why would all of us say that if it isn't at least possible.

Is it that you want to get back and are looking for external validation for that?

Because I’m 6 years in and I haven’t found it any easier at all? Only harder.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 12:35

I’m guessing the people that found it easier either have family support or their ex has the children some of the time.

OP posts:
maslinpan · 14/12/2023 12:36

But if he hasn't bothered parenting them at all over the last few years, he is clearly showing they are not a priority for him. How is he going suddenly start building a proper relationship with them just because he is living with them?

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/12/2023 12:37

You still not said how old your kids are.

Socialyawkward · 14/12/2023 12:37

Why isn't he having the dc ?

how many kids is there ?

Is it financial or emotional struggles or a mix ?
I was a single mum with 0 help no friends or family around.

Socialyawkward · 14/12/2023 12:38

You shouldn't get back with someone just for an easier life =( you deserve mutual love and support

Curlywurlycaz2 · 14/12/2023 12:39

ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 12:35

I’m guessing the people that found it easier either have family support or their ex has the children some of the time.

Not necessarily.

Some just became unburdened from the incessant resentment that had been simmering away for years.

Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 12:40

Well he left me so there was no resentment on my side.

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 14/12/2023 12:41

No, my Ex wasn't around and my family lived miles away. I still found it easier than living in an unhappy home.

I can't square him being a hands on dad who did his share of the housework, cooking, parenting, life admin, when you loved together but never has the children now. Can't you get him to do his fair share of parenting while still staying apart?

Getting back together with someone who you once left (for presumably good reason) and who you no longer love won't work out.

egowise · 14/12/2023 12:43

Rather than having him back, make him step up and engage with his children.

Comedycook · 14/12/2023 12:43

Ok...so we need to know more about him and why you broke up I think.

I will give a slightly alternative view...I think a lot of posters on here try to make out that you'll be happier on your own. I'm honestly not sure this is always true. But like I said it depends on what he's like. If he was abusive, then no never get back together.

Dery · 14/12/2023 12:44

It does sound like you’re having a very difficult time but it’s hard to understand what’s going on here and why getting back with him might be helpful. Apparently he’s telling you he loves you but he can’t be bothered to parent your shared children. He sounds defective. What’s wrong with him? How has he been able to just walk away from his own children? Why is he having nothing to do with them? How are your children supposed to adapt to having him back in their lives? The relationship problems were bad enough in the first place for the relationship to end despite children. Given his non-involvement since then, this doesn’t look like an obvious fix.

Rocksonabeach · 14/12/2023 12:44

ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 12:13

No it’s not still an issue. No I have no family help at all they are not interested and no he isn’t with them half the time they are here full time.

Why doesn’t he have them 50/50

ChristmasTreeStar · 14/12/2023 12:45

If he doesn’t help in the 6 years youve been apart, he sure as hell wont if you get back together. Why doesn’t he help and give ypu a break if he loves you that much?? Youll be in the same position you are now except with a CF who thinks his lifes about to become easier with his maid moving back in. You need to be stronger to get him to do his fair share now or to cough up more money so you can pay for childcare to give yourself a break

Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 12:45

Rocksonabeach · 14/12/2023 12:44

Why doesn’t he have them 50/50

Show quote history

Because he doesn’t want to

OP posts: