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Original poster

Life too difficult as a single mum, get back with ex?

212 replies

ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 11:48

Just that really. Has anyone given things another go? It doesn’t get any easier it really doesn’t so don’t want to be told it does as it doesn’t. Just has anyone given things another go and did it work out?

OP posts:
scoobysnaxx · 14/12/2023 15:05

Wow a man that doesn't want his kids at least 50% of the time, and who you don't think you love?

The problem here is that he isn't stepping up and the entire burden is on you.

Getting back with him is a stupid idea and won't change anything for the better, only worse in my opinion!

Sugarsun · 14/12/2023 15:07

Why don’t you move closer to him and then he can have the kids more?

Being a single parent is incredibly difficult but I have zero support as the dad isn’t involved at all.

You should be having the best of both worlds and he should be having the kids on a regular basis.
If he doesn’t want to then you shouldn’t even be considering getting back with him.

Notamum12345577 · 14/12/2023 15:12

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/12/2023 12:53

So you'd just be getting another person to look after and he gets a warm bed.

It's hard because he doesn't do his fair share of parenting, that's not going to change when if he moves in.

Maybe he does do his fair share that he is able to, just not 50/50. I don’t know any separated parents that do 50/50 with young kids. Because the dad works full time and the mum doesn’t work or works part time (in the people I know). I know people with older kids 50/50 though, teens etc who don’t need child care when parent at work.

Mumz0612 · 14/12/2023 15:13

It does get easier I'm a single mum to three kids oldest is 18 next month and youngest is 11, two of my kids have Austim and I've been on my own since my youngest was born with no help from family done it all so it does get easier you don't need a man or anyone, plus he's an ex for a reason

Whatadayyyy · 14/12/2023 15:17

What specifically is too difficult?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 14/12/2023 15:21

ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 12:45

Because he doesn’t want to

Show quote history

What makes you think he'll lift a finger if he moves in with you?

Ofcourseshecan · 14/12/2023 15:39

OP, he left you and your children.

He never has DC with him.

So he does nothing for you or his children.

He says he loves you. but shows no evidence of this.

If he cared about his children he would move heaven and earth to see them.

His feeble excuse is he lives 90 minutes away. I know people who commute that far to work every day! And anyone can move house or job if they need to.

I think you’d be taking on a heap of grief if you let him back into your life.

Mariposista · 14/12/2023 15:44

Nope. You split for a reason
you can’t raise children in an unhappy home.

SkaneTos · 14/12/2023 16:27

I have a relative who were married. 4 children together with his wife.
He and his wife separated and divorced.
Children ages 11, 8, 7, and 5 when the breakup happened.
The breakup lasted for three years.
Then they got back together. Started living together again.
And then two years later they broke up again, and separated.
Must have been a confusing experience for the kids, even if the parents probably had good intentions.

category12 · 14/12/2023 16:36

What's to stop him pissing off again like he did last time?

instantick · 14/12/2023 16:41

not necessarily, i have 3 and i am on my own i feel it at this time of year financial wise with the prices going up dont sell yourself short for someone. unless you know it will work

Tillybud81 · 14/12/2023 16:50

Why anyone even responds to posts like this is beyond me. One line answers and no real info for people to go on, either a bot or someone looking for an argument not advice

northernlight20 · 14/12/2023 18:15

Tillybud81 · 14/12/2023 16:50

Why anyone even responds to posts like this is beyond me. One line answers and no real info for people to go on, either a bot or someone looking for an argument not advice

Just what I wanted to say. It’s baiting ppl for an argument. This op can’t be real. Won’t answer how old the kids are and exactly what she’s struggling with. I was a single mum with 4 kids after splitting with my exh of 22yrs and it was bliss. The house was peaceful and calm and everything was much easier than being dragged down by deadweight.

Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 18:18

Because YOU chose to leave! Different situation. Being a single mum with no family and no help and an uninvolved father is hardly a walk in the park. It’s actually exhausting and completely awful.

OP posts:
northernlight20 · 14/12/2023 18:25

ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 18:18

Because YOU chose to leave! Different situation. Being a single mum with no family and no help and an uninvolved father is hardly a walk in the park. It’s actually exhausting and completely awful.

I didn’t choose to leave, I threw him out after finding out he’d had an affair on top of everything else. Anyway, you are not really listening to all these posters are you. You don’t want to answer questions that could help pp on how best to advice you. Goodluck in whatever you choose to do.

instantick · 14/12/2023 18:35

i have no family support i have 3 children 2,5,7 my daughters father lives across the street and he does f all for her. and im here handling xmas,bdays,food,gas,household,clothes,toys etc bills all on my own. maybe you do want him back if so go for it you seem to be getting annoyed at people so you should just take the risk

instantick · 14/12/2023 18:41

and its the season for men to lie wait until the summer when he fucks off again

IncompleteSenten · 14/12/2023 18:42

What if he just decides to leave again?

Would you be having sex with him? When you don't love him? Will that make you happy?

Being in a loveless relationship can be more lonely than being single.

But you're an adult and if you want to choose that, it's up to you. Just make sure to protect yourself as much as possible in the event he walks away again.

Maybe you could tell him you are considering his suggestion you get back together but you want to see some commitment to his children from him first and he needs to step up before you could decide.

gooddayruby · 14/12/2023 18:59

Clearly he doesn't love the kids if he doesn't see them..

gooddayruby · 14/12/2023 19:01

Living 90 mins away is no excuse not to see them. My dp lives 90 mins away, we don't live together, and yet we see eachother 4 times a week. He doesn't live them and he doesn't live you. Sorry you're struggling op, you deserve better, have you started dating again?

gooddayruby · 14/12/2023 19:01

*love

gooddayruby · 14/12/2023 19:02

(And I have 2 young kids, and he works 45 hours a week)

EarthSight · 14/12/2023 19:02

ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 18:18

Because YOU chose to leave! Different situation. Being a single mum with no family and no help and an uninvolved father is hardly a walk in the park. It’s actually exhausting and completely awful.

Why does he want to get back with you? Has he made the reasons known. It can't be parenting as he doesn't see them as much, so is it that? To see his kids more and parent them more? Or does he want to be looked after.

If you think it's right for you, then do it but consider what your child is learning from watching you as a couple, what a normal relationship should be. It's not great if he's in a house with a bad atmosphere, seeing little affection between his parents or lots of arguing.

Original poster
ChristmasPuddingPie · 14/12/2023 19:03

I should clarify him living 90 mins away isn’t why he doesn’t see them it’s why he doesn’t have 50/50 considering their schools are down here etc. he sees them by taking them out when he comes down here but the distance and the fact he doesn’t drive makes that difficult. I would happily move closer to him and he has suggested it but I live in social housing so that would mean giving up my house.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 14/12/2023 19:10

Single mom to a child with complex special needs. My life is usually a series of doctors and hospital appointments. My family live on the other side of the country and due to his special needs they couldn't help any ways.

I think you need to look at what you can do within your control to make life easier.

If your ex loved you and wanted to be a parent he wouldn't live 90 minutes away. He would make changes.

I think you have posted this before, and like last time you are being naive.

Not to mention what happens when he leaves you and your kids again? It's not healthy for your children .

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