Does silent treatment get worse over time?

[Dolphinwaves]

Used to be 2 days every couple of months. Now lasts few days/ couple of weeks.

How long are you going to put up with it? It’s a form of abuse.

Abuse does generally escalate, yes.

All I know is it never gets better. My ex got worse, but I think that was because I stopped trying to placate him. In the beginning id beg and plead to understand what the problem was. I then stopped doing things such as seeing friends etc so he didn't sulk because I was working on egg shells.

When I stopped walking on egg shells or begging him to talk to me, he'd try harder with the emotional blackmail in the form of sulking, so yes, it lasted longer. I remember he didn't want me going on a works do, so he sulked for over 3 weeks. I still went out but it was the beginning of the end.

Silent treatment last as much as the recieving part allows it. The best way to stop silent treatment is to speak clear and loud that that behaviour is utterly unacceptable and the person who do it can either apologise and move on or just move out the relationship.

Silent treatment is a slow cooked highly abusive behaviour. Do not ask how long, ask yourself why are you coping with that shit.

It never gets better. Is it possible for you to leave ?

The only way it can get better is if he realises the behaviour is abusive and toxic. But more likely, it will just continue until you are doing everything in your power to ensure he doesn't do it and that means never ever saying or doing anything that might upset him. Which probably means making your life small, doing more of the grunt work at home etc etc.

Categorically worse. The last time it was 7 weeks. I stopped caring by that point and he became incandescent with rage I didn't care.. that is where it led to physical abuse.

Abusers don't like to lose control

Yes.

Dump your abuser now.

I had a 5 year relationship. It started with a couple of hours of silent treatment a few times a year. Then it was a few days of silent treatment every three months or so. Then it was a week, then a fortnight. By the time I left I lived in an almost permanent state of silent treatment for perceived wrongs. Please don't waste anymore time on someone who would treat you like that.

Abuse escalates over time, this silent treatment is an example of emotional abuse. Abuse is NOT a relationship issue, it’s about power and control.

The only accountability level of abuse in a relationship is none.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

My H used to try it when we were first married but I just used to go out and leave him to it, and when he realised it didn’t work, he gave it up. Hasn’t tried it for more than 20 years now.

He learned it from his dad, so I attribute it more to poor communication and a sort of emotional ineptness rather than being abusive, so I suppose it does depend on what’s underlying the behaviour.

It gets better if you use the time wisely, get your affairs in order while enjoying the peace and then getting rid of the offender if he doesn’t grow up!

It's already getting worse OP.

Yes, in my experience, it did get worse and was intolerable. What happened to me was that I became more and more detached and stopped trying to get him to talk to me. Which meant the silences got longer and longer until eventually we just didn't talk at all really. It absolutely destroys you, and yes, as others have said, it is abusive.

Yep it always gets worse. My ex ignored me for 2 weeks once. Not one word for two weeks.

After we'd moved away from my family.
To an area I had not one friend in.

He came in one weekend after he's not spoken to me for nearly two weeks and had stayed out for about three nights without a one word and saw me sunbathing in the back garden.

Because it looked like I wasn't bothered enough he stayed out another few days with not one word and then we went another two weeks without a single word to me.

That's how it gets you. Doubting yourself. Embarrassed about your situation.

Until I apologised. That's how it gets you.

Torture, my mother does it to me, but then DENIES IT
It is crazy making.
A person who does this to you is showing you that they cannot communicate.
I was looking for a quote earlier in the week, "relationships die in the conversations that never happened".
(It was John Gottman!)

My ex did not speak to me for three months once. He started again just because I almost had a nervous breakdown. I say run for the hills, but it is up to you of course.

No, it does not get better unfortunately.

Yes. Definitely.

By the time we were teenagers it could be weeks comfortably sometimes months.
my dad didn’t speak to me for about 6 months because I wouldn’t apply for the university degree of his choice.
he didn’t speak to my brother for over a year once.

This was 2000s in a 3 bed semi not 1950s In a house with separate wings

i really really cannot recommend leaving him enough…

I found it didn't get better. I hoped every time it happened that he'd see how much it upset me and how it was unreasonable not to communicate about issues.

It won't get better because they don't see it is as wrong. They think it's ok to punish you and treat you like that. I came to realise that normal people don't behave like that. Normal people talk if they're not happy and try to resolve things.

It made me anxious and stressed but he didn't care. It got worse and the abuse (because that's what it is) escalated and we have now separated. It's such a relief not to tread on eggshells in my own home anymore.

It's torture and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

Yes, they see you as wrong for trying to discuss a matter that doesn't require discussion. There is one perspective, theirs, so trying to force a conversation on them is an act of aggression that you perpetrate against them.

It's taken me a few years but the penny has dropped. That is how my mother views a 3 and a half year cold shoulder..

Definitely this.

They are emotionally immature , emotionally unavailable . And this is the only way they know how to communicate; like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum and trying to control you.

There is nothing you can do to change them. You will become increasingly frustrated, bitter , cut off, disappointed and despairing.
Your only hope is to leave them.

Partner. It happens anytime I express an opinion and writing it down its always when I demonstrate any independence. He also makes jokes at my expense. I have chased in the past and been told it was because he was unwell or busy or his phone updated but I tend to leave him to it and it gets worse. How do I stop it? Should I message. Its day 9 now.

Reading between the lines you’re not living together? Then he’s not your partner. Someone who ignore you for weeks or days at a time is not even a BF, I’d call it an acquaintance at best. This is not normal and you do not have to put up with it.

You stop it by sending him a message saying the relationship is over. If he wants to know why, it’s because you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who uses emotional blackmail to try to control you or “jokes” to belittle you.

You then get some counselling to help you understand your sense of self-worth and avoid men like this in the future.

Unfortunately OP, you can't stop it. It's him, not you. He knows he's doing it and even if he is busy or stressed or whatever, you are not his emotional punching bag.

I grew up with a parent who did this. It actually changed dramatically when he finally accessed mental health treatment and medication. Our relationship is now completely transformed but I think in general it's rarely behaviour related to poor mental health and more likely to be a partner seeking to control/punish you with their shockingly bad behaviour.

You've got a few choices but if you haven't already (and feel it's physically safe to do so), you can just simply say, 'If you are not going to speak to me, then I am going out'. And then you leave and go somewhere and when you go home, refuse to tolerate it or 'submit' to it. If you plead, cry or try to reason, it just lets the person feel they can keep on using this as a weapon.

Without a genuine admission from the person and willingness to change, it won't get better. Only you can decide if you want to live this way for many years to come.