Does silent treatment get worse over time?

[Dolphinwaves]

Used to be 2 days every couple of months. Now lasts few days/ couple of weeks.

And he might even see such a message as a challenge.

Yep. Just go entirely silent on him. If he tries to contact again, just block.

He's looking for a response, so your most powerful weapon is to deny him one.

I've not responded to him. Anytime I think about it I text myself to get it off my chest. I miss him a bit but not a lot and he has not followed up so hopefully this is it.

Well done, that's a great update!

He contacted again to wish me a happy Christmas on an old account of mine (I haven't used for a while and wanted to go through all to block him). Is this part of a script?

It's part of him trying to find a way to hook you back in, yes. Delete and block.

Oh, the hoover. He wants to know if you're still on the hook. Could he reel you back in with a little effort.

Don't reply,nothing is going to unsettle him more than silence.

Yes. My ex once ignored me for 6wks.

He's just a random stranger now. No matter how he contacts you. Ignore.

He also said he's had a recent bereavement. A great uncle. Sorry to ask so many questions just want to get this right. Is this still trying to guilt me?

Have you taken any advice from the police on how to proceed?

Some years back they advised me to be clear with someone harassing me by telling them not to contact again or I would inform the police. I think you chose not to do that. Without that warning he will of course carry on trying to contact you. But he may have done that even with a warning.

Probably best to just ignore now but I do suggest ringing the police given his history, tell them the situation and ask what you should do next.

Yes, he's trying to suck you back in.

Sob-story to excuse his behaviour/elicit sympathy, using your compassionate nature against you to restart the abuse cycle.

Don't respond to it.

Block him wherever he's contacted you from this time.

You know he's an abusive person.

This is a classic, predictable move on his part to reel you back in. I bet he's done similar to you before many times.

No I haven't. I don't think anything will happen. Two different exes have had to go to police about him and nothing happened because of "lack of evidence". One had to go back when he messaged her again after 13 years. The second he was told not to contact her again. He says there's no proof. He keeps saying I blocked him and he messaged me a lot so the fact he has stated he was blocked and kept on tells me he won't stop. I have said no nasty messages and he keeps having a go saying I'm the controlling selfish one.

He's harassing you.

The police can get involved with harassment.

The more often he comes on their radar, the more likely they are to be able to build a case.

Stop responding to him. Block him.

I have been ignoring/ blocking him. I have told him to stop being nasty now as he's saying it's all me, I'm controlling and think everything's about me but that he also misses me? Sorry if messaging was bad I know ignoring is the best way forward but he won't stop and some people said previously if I tell him to stop and he doesn't I can take further as he's not getting the message. He's saying I'm the horrible one but I can't see it?

@Dolphinwaves

He keeps having a go. How many messages has he sent - more than one?

He's saying I'm the horrible one but I can't see it?

Why are you even trying to "see it"? To do so is to let him inside your head.

I have had dealings with 2 abusive men in the last decade or so (divorced one, lent the other money), and I was/am able to read their messages with detachment, and not respond. This is because of it taking a year to deal with one of them, while I divorced him. I had no problem in either not replying, or not replying until I was good and ready. The emails etc were useful in that they displayed patterns of abuse and entitlement, as revealed by the abusers themselves.

But that is me. You have not yet achieved this detachment. And you have replied to his taunting, feeling the need to defend yourself.

Your post at 12.30 shows that you know he harasses people. That the police were powerless then doesn't mean that you need to keep messaging him!

I suggest you report to the police, and send him one last message, saying you want him to stop contacting you once and for all.

Then block. And be strong. It sounds like you are not up to reading his messages dispassionately. If he sends another one, and your read it, at least post on here, especially if you are tempted to reply. We won't be cross! We know what it's like, we want to help!

Of course he would say it's you at fault, he's hardly going to admit he's in the wrong now, is he?

Christ, he justified breaking his ex's ribs, he's hardly going to start admitting he's an abusive piece of shit at this stage.

If you must reply, don't say something soft and daft like "no nasty messages" because that's in the eye of the beholder and leaves it open for him to keep messaging.

Instead say something firm like "stop contacting me, our relationship is over and I no longer want any sort of contact with you. Any further messages will be viewed as harassment and I will involve the police. "

Then block him again and if he does get around your blocks again, don't reply, go to the police.

OP, stop communicating with him, PLEASE.

How is he messaging if you have him blocked everywhere? If you haven’t got him blocked everywhere, why not?

Thanks everyone for your messages it's really helping me.

He uses different accounts to email me, ones I don't have so couldn't block as I didn't know them. It got too much which is why I said to stop being nasty.

If he messages again, don't answer. Go to the police and ask them to go and have a word. Considering they've had to do this before, they won't be nice about it. He'll probably leave you alone.

If it feels too much, do post on here IN LOUD SHOUTY CAPITALS IF YOU NEED TO.

We will lend you strength. Punching pillows, swearing loudly to yourself, or anything that lets out the feeling, is OK.

There is a difference between ‘We are over, do not ever contact me again’ (which is what some posters suggested you say) and ‘stop sending me nasty messages’ (which is what you appear to have said).

Go to the police. You keep saying it won’t make any difference, but you have absolutely no way of knowing this. You’ve only had his version of events regarding his past dealings with them and he’s hardly a reliable narrator. They is absolutely nothing stopping you from picking up the phone right now and reporting this.

Finally, dozens of people have told you to block him and keep blocking him. You don’t seem to be able to stop engaging. Why do you think that is?