Does silent treatment get worse over time?

[Dolphinwaves]

Used to be 2 days every couple of months. Now lasts few days/ couple of weeks.

Exactly, and you think there is some sort of answer or solution or something you can do to solve that issue. But either way does nothing because you can't solve an abusers issues.
The only way to solve it for oneself is to get out of the relationship.

You can't stop it, he is abusive.
You are hoping like I did and many others who are/have been in a similar situation that it will not happen again, because we just want a normal relationship, but it won't stop.

Am I at risk of something physical now?

If there was no evidence, the police wouldn't have anything to disclose.

"Clare’s Law is focused on disclosure and risk management where someone is identified as having a conviction, caution, reprimand or final warning for violent or abusive offences; and/or information held about someone’s behaviour which reasonably leads the police and other safeguarding agencies to believe that someone poses a risk of harm to another person."

Why would you believe him saying there was no evidence over the police telling you he has this history?

Police said not enough evidence to take further.

OK, but if you asked the police about most men, they wouldn't have anything to tell you. Nothing.

Multiple women have complained about this man to the point of going to the police, which was of sufficient relevance to tell you when you made an enquiry.

This is not normal.

And in fact it's not particularly normal for you to be in the position of using Clare's Law in the first place. Obviously you've known there was something deeply wrong here for some time.

Just because he hasn't been charged with anything yet, doesn't mean you should take his word that the other women are "crazy".

@Dolphinwaves, I hope your recent posts are you processing what has been going on with this bloke. He is not relationship material.

Unfortunately, to me at least, they are coming across as you finding reasons to believe him, which worries me.

Stay strong

This with bells on.
Make sure you are safe OP.
💐

It is me trying to make sense of it. It helps so much having objectivity from others as I do still have doubts. I'm guessing the doubts are normal though and part of dealing with it? Because if it was someone else saying this I'd be saying it's so obvious and to get rid. I was always told I'm overreacting and paranoid.

That's gaslighting and - I think I've seen it described as the "spaghetti head" effect of abuse - the emotionally abusive/controlling person basically manipulates you so much you end up not trusting your own perceptions. Like they take offence or act terribly hurt over something and you end up apologising to them - when they've been the ones behaving badly.

Being told "you're too sensitive" or similar, tends to be a way of getting you to shut up and feel ashamed about your own reactions, generally when you've challenged that person's behaviour.

Overall you've got to weigh up what's more likely, this man has had terrible terrible luck with women and only manages to pick ones who are deranged and bitter and report him to the police at the drop of a hat (including you, no doubt) - OR it's his behaviour (some of which you have experienced for yourself) that is at fault.

@Dolphinwaves, that's a relief It is easy for us old hands who have seen many similar threads to forget that this is happening in real time, as it were.

In a strange way, getting out from an abusive relationship can knock self-esteem further - we find ourselves pondering how we could have been such an idiot. But no, we were the victim of subtle and not so subtle brainwashing. And after the getting free, comes the learning from experience, which can be painful, of course, but so worthwhile.

I've looked into the freedom programme and it's not in my area. Is there an alternative?

I think it’s online OP. In fact I know it is, having accessed it there. It might be convoluted to access, keep trying, clicking more links?

He's emailed me on a new account. What should I do?

Block him. It will never stop unless you are NC.

Agree. Block him. Delete the email.
He's just some random stranger now.

End it. Fucking abusive tosser. It never gets better.

I’d block him but only after emailing him the text of the Harassment Act 1977 (I think, date may be wrong) to remind him that just two instances of unwanted communication is a crime.

Block him
And keep blocking him

I agree with PP that you need to be clear, and set out what the consequences are if he doesn’t leave you alone.

So something like ‘Please do not contact me again. This includes by email, text, phone, social, letter or in person or via third parties or any other means. If you do contact me again, I will report you to the police for harassment. Any response to this will not be read as I have blocked you on this and all other channels‘

Since he has form, he will likely ignore your request but then you can report him. Take a bit of extra care about answering your door and get something like a camera doorbell installed.

💐

OK thanks I've blocked. Anything else I need to do?

Yes.
Enjoy Christmas. Eat lots and watch lots of telly. All the best!

Did you send the message suggested before blocking? That was excellently worded and will help you if he does continue to contact you.

I didn't send the message as I don't think he'll listen and worried about escalating things.

It could put ideas into his head.
Stalking and harassment are illegal.
And it is not up to the potential victim to warn the potential perpetrator that this is the case.
(I can also see the other pov, but on balance think silence is the best way forward.)