Does silent treatment get worse over time?

[Dolphinwaves]

Used to be 2 days every couple of months. Now lasts few days/ couple of weeks.

He has shown you so clearly that he cannot communicate. He doesn't even want to. Relationships mean something different to people like this. They want you to reflect back their view of themselves.

You"ve dodged an awful bullet.

Be the best mum - do not engage with this abuser any more.

Send him one last email telling him that any future attempts by him to contact you will be treated by you as harassment and reported to police.

Then report if he contacts you again.

You MUST stop trying to explain yourself or the situation to this man.

You need to block his email address.
You need to block his number.
You need to block him on SM.
Do not engage with him ever again.

I recommend you do the Freedom Programme.

No I haven't emailed him. Last text was 2 weeks ago where I said his nasty behaviour had to stop and that my number has been changed so if he chooses to talk to me then he will have to email me. He hasn't emailed me and I haven't chased since except a phonecall the day after I sent that message (it was an accidental pocket dial but went unanswered and not returned).

He does not have my new number.

'He believes firmly in the gender roles and has said before when a female relative of his was vocal her husband should have "manned up and put her in her place".'

OP, that is incredibly serious and incredibly frightening. What do you suppose he meant by 'put her in her place'? Does that sound like anything pleasant, or reasonable, or anything you would want to invite into your life? He is telling you LOUD AND CLEAR who he is

His treatment of you is absolutely appalling. I completely agree with the advice to send one final message making it crystal clear that the relationship is over, and then block him on everything. And I mean this kindly, because I was in a similar relationship many years ago, but you need to have a long hard think about why you tolerated his behaviour for so long. Otherwise you are at risk of ending up with some other controlling scumbag in your life before very long

He believes firmly in the gender roles and has said before when a female relative of his was vocal her husband should have "manned up and put her in her place"

The silent treatment is bad enough, but this last sentence from you. Just no words.

I agree, a final message that it's over and move on. You have had a lucky escape and you can now make sure your child has a happy life with you.

Exactly this in my case.

Personally I'd just block him and celebrate the close call. Do not listen when he comes round begging and apologising. He won't change!

Will my child and I be OK? I'm really worried now. Break ups are a part of life and I know leaving is right so wiling to walk but I don't want to risk him doing anything to either of us. In the past he blocked me once, forgot he had so he thought I was ignoring him and he said he drove by my house a couple of times to "give that bitch a piece of my mind".

Why wouldn’t your child be okay? What is it you think he might do? If you feel threatened in any way, please call the police.

No one can answer that. Obviously call the police if he threatens you or gets aggressive.

You need to focus on improving your standards and self worth before ever considering dating again, and keep shit blokes away from your daughter. You need to raise her to be fully aware of red flags, how to spot abusive males, unacceptable behaviour in a boyfriend, raise a strong feminist who’d never date scum, and lead by example.

He's done it with exes where he writes letters, tries to drop things off, turns up at the house. One occasion he was arrested and another police went to his to warn him to stop. I have tried to leave before and I get messages or him insisting on coming round instead of posting things, presents through the letterbox. He has a history of not letting go. He maintains contact with all his exes (friendships are fine but I do feel it's to keep tabs).

The police can deal with it.if needed he can be prosecuted for stalking, and get a non molestation order in place.

He's had a few incidents with the police over years with exes and nothing happens. None related to me and I bought his explanations of them as he said his exes had mental health issues but seeing people say he's abusing me is making me relook at it.

For me it got worse, then he attacked me and told me it was my fault. I left. Please keep yourself safe.

For future reference, "crazy" exes are a red flag.

Even one "crazy" ex is something to raise an eyebrow about, but multiple? The common denominator is him., and probably by "crazy", he means "didn't like his behaviour" and complained about it.

He'll be describing you as a crazy ex to the next woman.

If he does anything to alarm or harass you, get the police involved.

This gets worse, I put up with this silent treatment on and off for 7 years.
The last time he didn't speak to me for 6 weeks as he thought my dad had taken me to shag a man (absolutely bonkers). He is a total narcassit and years later married to a woman who was once beautiful and now looks completely drained and downtrodden.

One word-of advice I never got counselling from the aftermath of this relationship and also my codependency issues.
I'm now 43 and in a relationship with another idiot. Only now have I sorted counselling and books.
Don't message him to tell him it's over its part of his game. Just block him

Just block him. He's abusive, and speaking as someone in their 50s, if he's 50 and has never had a relationship longer than a year there is something seriously wrong with him. You don't want a man like that anywhere near your child.

I'm honestly so grateful to everyone who has posted as I was worried I was overreacting and that I'd pushed him away and it was my fault as he has said before I need help with my craziness but freezing someone out for wanting to talk normally or doing normal things is so confusing as you feel you have done something wrong.

OP with each post of yours, the red flags multiply.

if you have a new number and you have pocket dialled him from it, it’s likely he will guess it is you. So make sure his number is blocked. Or change it again and delete him this time.

Don’t email him to say it’s over. You already told him that when you sent the message about changing your number. He’ll see any contact as a sign of you weakening. Which it is.

Move on rebuilding your life with DC.

Have you got a camera at your door? If not, maybe get one and don’t let him in if he turns up. Tell him to leave and if he refuses call the police.

It's good that you're writing this down because its all too easy to not remember the details. Imagine he was treating your best friend like this, how would you advise her?

You are doing well at waking up from a kind of trance induced by abuse. A long-running support thread I used to be on called this "spaghetti head."

Once you get your head unravelled, as it were, as you have already begun to do, things will get clearer.

MN has helped many people to understand that they were in abusive relationships, and to escape them. Including me, and several other posters I recognise on this thread

Pocket dial was thankfully on old number. I have blocked everything now as think that is best. If I try talking to him it won't go anywhere especially as when I've raised things in the past he minimises, says its nothing etc. These silent treatments cause so much anxiety I worry about his motives.

I can tell you what his motives are. To make you anxious. Make you doubt yourself. Stop you ever questioning him. To keep you second guessing yourself. To keep you in your place. To get his own way. To control you.

I have been doing all these things. Two exes over 18 years have gone to police about him and they've done nothing. I don't know why.

I've also had to get emergency contraception a few times when I've told him my pill failed. He said I'm equally responsible as I confuse him when I say pill failed eg due to sickness but all that matters is I said use a condom which I can ask for anytime surely?