Does silent treatment get worse over time?

[Dolphinwaves]

Used to be 2 days every couple of months. Now lasts few days/ couple of weeks.

You can block them when he messages you on them. Or you can ignore them and not read them. Theirs is absolutely no reason to engage. Now you’re just teaching him that if he messages you X number of times and says Y, then you will respond.

I don't want him to think me responding is me weakening I just thought he isn't accepting me ignoring him so asking to back off might work. If it continues I'll speak to police especially as he is being horrible to me.

Remember @Dolphinwaves

THE BEST ANSWER IS NO ANSWER

Dear OP, I'm afraid you responding to him, saying anything at all, is a win for him. He knows he's getting under your skin and so keeps pushing against your barriers and is learning how far he can go to get you to acknowledge him. He will keep ramping up the abuse each time you do.

If you've not been absolutely clear and said "leave me alone, I don't want you contacting me any more. If you continue to harass me I will involve the police" and do exactly that if he doesn't believe you and keeps harassing you he has little incentive to stop. Follow through OP. 🌹

Did you tell him to back off, though? Like I
said, there is a difference between ‘We are over, do not ever contact me again’ and ‘stop sending me nasty messages’.

Why not go to the police, now? What makes you think that he’s suddenly going to stop?

Op, you haven't ignored him for any length of time.

You're just showing him that if he keeps contacting you, you'll start responding.

Don’t respond, it’s exactly what he wants. Block where possible, delete any obsolete accounts. Keep yourself safe.

This, this, and this 100%

S1 Harrassment Act 1977

You do not need to have the last word.

In fact, it is important that you let him have the Last Word. This can only happen when you stop responding to him. Someone has to be last - it might as well be him.

So let his most recent message be the last message. Just do not reply. And block.

Any further messages (if you can't help yourself), let that message from him be the last. Just do not reply. And block.

I am not sure why you are continuing with this thread OP. You’ve taken no notice of the advice you’ve had.

It’s obvious you still want him to communicate with you as long as he isn’t ‘nasty’ or ‘horrible’. This sounds very childish. As do your comments like ‘he isn’t accepting me ignoring him’. Not replying for a few hours and then saying ‘don’t be nasty’ is not being clear about wanting no contact, and it isn’t actually ignoring him at all. This is a man who has showed up in the Claire’s Law scheme. He’s a potential threat to women. To you.

Time to grow up and get serious if you really do want him out of your life. Phone the police for ADVICE at this stage. You have no idea what they will say until you actually speak with them. You don’t know if they will or won’t think what he’s done so far is harassment. Find out and get it on their radar.

I have contacted him once this month after 2 weeks of messages which is when I asked him to stop being nasty. It hasn't been a few hours. I emailed because he wasn't leaving me alone and ignoring wasn't working. I blocked him on everything. I'm going to be speaking to police non emergency about what tk do if he doesn't drop it.

You can never get through to him with WORDS.. He will never accept that you had the right to take back control. You have a trauma bond of some description no doubt so you are locked into needing his ''approval'' to dump him !! Because those werent the terms and conditions.

If you feel obliged to respond, that is the problem. That is enmeshment. You have been trained to be unable to have that boundary where you say goodbye.

The only way to break this bond is to IGNORE him and then sit with the uncomfortable feelings that will engulf you when you ignore the person who trained you to put him first.

Ignore him, and let the excruciating feelings pass. It takes a while but they will pass. And when you do that, you're a little bit less ''co-dependant'' than you were. I hope you understand that I'm not trying to offend you when I say that.

Not responding means just that - not responding. It will feel weird, because it isn't something you have ever done before, probably.

It feels weird, just like the start of learning to drive (or any skill) feels weird. Not responding, (whether that's self-defending, being angry, trumping with a last killer sentence. or anything) is actually a very useful skill, which will stand you in good stead.

So he's trying to gaslight you, and at the same time making sure he drops in 'I miss you' so as to reel you back in.

Hey messages stopped a week and a half ago but not before he sent a really nasty one saying if it wasn't for him we'd never have done anything as a couple and that I do this with all my partners (I co parent and occasionally me and that ex will have disagreements). He said I'd be a terrible person to settle with as I can't cook too and that as I refused to meet him sometimes I must have chested on him. Basically an entire character assassination. It is incredibly upsetting even now but at least there's been nothing since. Thanks again for all your help.

Hardly designed to make you regret splitting with him, though, was it?
More like a full on demonstration of why he was bad news.

Why are you even reading them???

Honestly, OP. There is nothing to be said. If he contacts you again from another email, the minute you open it and realise it is him again, just delete and block.

Don't bother read the bloody thing. Why the fuck would you? You know it's just some wanker pouring out nasty comments about you to upset you. What are you expecting from him? Just block/delete.

Hi guys just an update he continued to message my old number on whatsapp (I didn't realise deactivating the number for text/ message didn't deactivate the whatsapp) so had that uninstalled. This was 3 weeks ago.

Just found out from a mutual friend in our home town 4 hours away he has started a job back with them and applied for this job back in July. So after giving me all that abuse saying I'm not invested and don't care he'd been doing this behind my back. Even though we're not together or speaking it really hurts he did this behind my back and when he'd started this job was saying he loved and missed me and I should be empathetic that he had to get an unstable job but never told me it was back home. He said he'd been making plans for us and that sometimes couples who are busy with work might not meet for weeks (can see why he said this now).

Sorry. I haven't broken no contact just shocked about this info and needed to vent.

Stick with the NC @Dolphinwaves , anything you say to him will just encourage him to keep trying. You already know he has a history of pestering Exs to the point they went to the police, he will be just the same with you because he can't accept rejection. Your Ex sounds like a nasty piece of work, he just can't be in the wrong which is why he can't cope with you leaving, he thinks you should put up with any amount of shit and be grateful.
If he keeps on, don't answer, go to the police if you feel threatened but don't let him get in your head- ignore, ignore, ignore

No point being shocked, OP.

He's a wanker. It shouldn't be shocking that he's behaved liked a wanker. "Wankers gonna wank," as my friend says...

That's what I think the answer is that he's just a dick. Just odd he's been pestering me until a couple of weeks ago when I deactivated last method of contact when he's moved away. He said in his last email that if he got a job that involved working away he'd expect my support in it but he never told me. If he felt he was moving back home and wanted out he wouldn't continue to reach out on any platform he could find and this job he knew about for a while before but he was still trying to push for us to stay together. Either discuss being ldr or leave or accept I want to leave don't continue to message.

I had a call from an unknown mobile yesterday for 2 seconds as ended by caller before I even got to phone. I tried googling it and not known at all, I'm the first person to look it up. Number has been calling me weekly since I deleted all my WhatsApp etc. I never gave my ex my new number but is it possible he got it? Am I being paranoid? He has a history of stalking and harassment.

I don't answer unknown numbers because it's usually scammrrs or a wrong number. Just ignore the calls Op, probably isn't him.

You could answer in order to find out if it is him (I wouldn't bother, but it might satisfy your curiosity) and then block if it is him, or simply block the number and move on.