Update - Divorce is in sight from sulking exh!

[jamaisjedors]

I posted a thread on mumsnet 5 years ago 😵and received amazing support from posters on here - couldn't have got through this without you all😘

Now the judge has finally come back with a verdict and she has ruled that we are divorced (no fault[ and rejected all of exh's claims of fraud etc. financially. She has made one ruling financially which is not particularly in my favour, and also reduced maintenance again but that's the price to pay for my freedom!

I had a nerve-wracking couple of weeks waiting to find out if exh was going to contest the decision, which would mean another 2 years of court and back and forth, but miraculously he has signed the paperwork accepting it and so have I, which means we all but divorced - just waiting for the official paperwork and update to marriage certificate etc to go through.

We also have to go back to a solicitor's to finalise the financial agreement, which I'm hoping will happen in the next month or so, so by early 2024, everything should be done and dusted.

I should be breaking out the champagne but it's a weird kind of anti-climax, still bits to tie up, still got to see exh again at the solicitor's, still in contact with my lawyer etc.

Plus I think after a rollercoaster 5 years I don't think I can let my guard down yet, I've had so many setbacks and delays.

I didn't want to jinx it by posting too early but my lawyer assures me that there is no going back on the divorce now, so it's finally time to share the news and thank everyone again for their amazing support.

Previous thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4125147-Divorcing-sulking-DH-it-WILL-happen-in-2021?reply=130620438

Hurrah! Here's to Mr Sulky shrinking to a tiny dot in your rear view mirror as you speed away from him.

Delighted for you! I was on your threads from the beginning.

I think you're bloody marvellous and I wish you every happiness in the future! 🎉

So pleased, after everything you've been through. Congratulations!

thats just fantastic news. congratulations xxx

Out of interest, has xh accepted the divorce and stopped 'his ways'?

This was great to read @jamaisjedors . I'm so pleased for you. Here's to a wonderful 2024 for you, your boys and Mr DJ 🥂.

Jesus Bloody Christ!

What happened with him asking for financial compensation? Hopefully got laughed out of court!?

Congratulations!!! I am so delighted for you!

He did indeed! Well not literally as he didn't turn up but the judge was pretty clear in her ruling that he had no grounds for any compensation!

I am still actually waiting on the solicitor /notary to clear up the last details of the financial "agreement" but almost there. Most of exh's outlandish claims about me were totally dismissed but he did get one huge financial advantage which is probably why he finally accepted this ruling and didn't appeal it.

He also managed to get maintenance for ds2 reduced again, still a decent amount but galling as he doesn't actually stick to the custody arrangements and cancels anytime it's not convenient for him.

I'm not sure you could say he's stopped "his ways" but he is less aggressive by email (only contact bar the occasional text for emergencies) and slightly less inclined to automatically disagree with any suggestion or arrangement I make.

He still does the passive aggressive thing of not answering for several days even when it's a simple thing or just not acknowledging information I send over but that's liveable with.

Only a few more years and you will be even less tied to him as DS2 becomes an adult.

That old miserable life must seem like past nightmare!

It absolutely does feel like an old nightmare @RandomMess ... Although exH has popped up again in the last few days in my nightmares as he is prone to do!

Even MrDJ had a dream that exh was coming after him with a shotgun - still not really sure if exh knows I'm in a relationship or not.

Don't worry @Grenola , if there's one thing this whole process it's taught me, it's that! The advantage of the civil partnership (in France anyway[ is that you only need ONE of you to dissolve it. So if you want to end the partnership, you just go down to the city hall and tell them and it's dissolved with immediate effect.

Plus you can draw up a contract when you sign laying out who has what and whether all assets are to remain separate or not going forward. Things would have been a million times easier if EXH and I had done this - although I'm sure he still would have found a way to delay.

Unfortunately it is true that the whole thing has made me very cautious (rightly so, I feel[ about other committment and about finances etc. So MrDJ and I have spent a lot of time sorting out how the finances will work and he understands that I need for my own mental health and for my kids to keep everything as separate as possible and protect myself.

Still a big step though moving in with someone again! But lovely to be moving forward in this way, I could never have imagined it 5 years ago!

@jamaisjedors these experiences def make u cautious but also mean we have these Important conversations with new partners. It’s sounds like u both have great communication! So happy for u. Xx

Congratulations Jamais! Thanks for updating us with such excellent news!

Did he get to keep the family home ?

That's what we agreed and he's still living there which is fine by me, wouldn't want to try to collaborate with him on selling it😱.

It will be taken into account in the final settlement which we STILL haven't received as exh has found another thing to disagree with in it.

I admit to feeling pretty down about it as I thought it was just a formality now but it's been 6 months since the divorce ruling and it's still dragging on...

It feels like I'll never be free of him, he is also contesting an agreement we made at the beginning of the school year about sharing costs for ds 1's university studies...

Otoh, Mr DJ is still my absolute rock and endlessly patient and we are working together to get our new flat ready to move in to at the end of July. So a wonderful distraction from exh and his "ways" as a pp says 😉

oh my god, he really is the gift that keeps on giving, isnt he.

Im sorry this is still dragging on and on and on and on

Honestly you have to laugh at him that he can't let go and move on.

You've already had your fresh start, great not so new relationship and hopefully a changed and improved relationship with your boys

Meanwhile Mr Sulky is stuck with his self inflicted miserable and miserly ways!

Sounds like you need to wheel out your Gallic shrug, he's flailing around still trying to make an impact on your life. Once it's done and both the boys hit 18 you're at least no longer stuck with regular contact.

You've come some far, don't let him get to you in the final stretch. Plus new house sounds great!

I think I found your thread halfway through thread one, and have followed ever since. But I forget how many years it is now? 5?

I'm so pleased things are good for you now ☺️

You are amazing the way you have kept sane through 5 long years.
What a truly torturous process divorce is in France. Archaic.
Set up to be used and abused by any batshit, toxic, unhinged party wanting revenge.
No fault divorce sounds great by comparison, irrespective of who did what.
It cannot be in the childrens best interests to be witness to such an extended period of conflict.
Solicitors the only winners clearly.
Stay strong.

Ironically No fault divorce does exist in France. But the interminable procedure is still the same, My best friend is going through the most hideous purgatory for no valid reason, the first judge apparently didn't like her... He hadn't read the brick if paperwork with all the proof, he didn't let her or her avocat express her/themself, he had decided before she sat down.

Yes, I'm trying to keep that attitude but occasionally it gets to me - Mr DJ lets me have a good moan and I know you are all amazing at keeping me on track!

As @Mix56 says, no-fault divorce does exist, and that is actually what I initially requested, but I had to wait 2 years to apply for that (now reduced to one[; and then he hung around for a year before replying and countering with a request for a "fault" divorce (my fault of course![

Hence the dragging on... ironically his brother got divorced 3 years ago, they decided in the summer holidays and had it done and dusted by Christmas. I was agog as they had a very openly conflictual relationship but still managed to do the right thing by the kids and each other. Just showed me what a dick exH is, if I didn't need any more proof!

You’re doing fantastic Jamais and you’re a real inspiration to anyone going through this

Go you 💪