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Original poster

DP did not disclose Genital herpes - Yrs later, I am still bothered

216 replies

FPCculture · 08/12/2023 17:38

So , I have never got over this, I thought I did but 2 years later, it is bothering me.

3 months into intimate dating this girl dropped in a lie that she just found out that Genital herpes via her routine smear tes. Soon after, when I was looking for tablets in her bedroom and I found a prescription dated one year prior of her repeat Aciclovir prescription. when she "lied" initially, I decided to continue because I had already exposed myself to the risks etc and I did not know she lied also.

I was broken because this was a massive lie and I confronted her and she cried and apologised stating that she was scared to lose me or to be judged etc.

LSS, I may likely have it already now as she has had 3 breakouts since we got together(we do not have sex during the outbreak) so not bothered but it's just the thought of why she risked it with me and I feel disrespected years on. Mentally I question myself if I will ever get over it because I ended up finding out that she was very loose throughout her 20s, meeting men online and just having 1 night stands with whoever gave her attention.

It's playing on my mind even more now that we are discussing starting a family with this person that lied to me/put me at risk/ scared to go most place with her incase some men recognise her and laugh at the one who settled for her etc(she understands this last part which makes me realise i am not silly to think this way).

I was always taught by my aunts and uncles "you cannot turn a promiscuous person into a wife/husband" (I do not have separate rules for men/women as society does on this matter)

What would you do if you were in my shoes, should I just believe that people change or just leave as I cannot ever get over this in my head? apologies if I sound shallow/ignorant in my thought process to some but I am sure some have gone through this

OP posts:
fulawitt · 09/12/2023 14:19

You have no ethics, break up with her. Nobody cares about her past.

Original poster
FPCculture · 09/12/2023 14:22

You couldn't be far from being wrong but good day . You haven't walked in my shoes down a street or experienced this to understand.

Thanks for your comment nevertheless

OP posts:
Peacheroo · 09/12/2023 14:34

FPCculture · 09/12/2023 14:15

You missed the point I mentioned her past that's behind 1 partner I assume ?

I missed the point that you're so pathetic you are concerned about people judging you for "settling" with her and embarrassed to be seen with her. You're right. You're not silly to feel that way... silly isn't the word I'd use. Cunt is. You're downright in the wrong. Hope that helps.

fulawitt · 09/12/2023 14:41

I don't have to. The worst sin is pride not sexual misconduct. You are prideful. It is your pride that makes you feel this certain way when other people look at you or talk about your GF in a certain way, you see her a certain way. She is beneath you in your mind. So why are you with her? 2 years. No wonder people look at you and want to vomit. It is the nature of the relationship that binds you together. You are disparaging her by putting her past in front of everyone to see at all times. You make sure of it. This is slander. You are not bringing anything positive, while you are being promiscuous with her,yourself. This is fornication. So you basically wants her to abide by laws that you do not respect in the slightest. This is hypocrisy. You are judging her past present and future. Do you want me to go on ? Leave her alone.
OP.
You do not love her. This is the single reason why you should leave her now. Love covers sins, mistakes, misgivings, love forgives. To forgive you have to be in the wrong. FIY. You can't. You do not want to marry her. So there is no purpose to your relationship. Let her go.

Extrasprinklesplz · 09/12/2023 15:00

@Over40Overdating
But people have been prosecuted for it, they weren't prosecuted because it's ok for them to knowingly transmit without telling their partner for them to make their own judgment

Fuckered · 09/12/2023 15:15

I still dont know if he has it or not???

Megifer · 09/12/2023 15:17

Just break up with her honestly op your contempt for her is despicable, and as for the self indulgent naval gazing about walking in your shoes.....if you don't break up with her I truly hope she runs for the hills as it sounds like you'll hold this over her for the rest of her miserable life with you.

fulawitt · 09/12/2023 16:22

She is prego isn't she ?

FatFatMary · 09/12/2023 16:31

This has just reminded me I once drank from a bottle juice my friend had who I then noticed had a cold sore. I don’t think I’ve ever had one but I wonder if I have the virus now

TheGrimm · 09/12/2023 16:43

@FatFatMary the only way you would know is if you had a blood test for HSV antibodies and even then it’s not 100% accurate.

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 16:52

FPCculture · 08/12/2023 20:32

Immaturity on my part ? Interesting but okay ,
You are wrong here " However previous posters have touched on the fact you’re out of touch with society’s attitudes with regards to STDS"

Its literally not the point, point is simple ,it's not right to knowingly put someone at risk of an incurable issue. Yes many carry it but don't put me at risk, allow me choice. I guess I am out of touch there .

Show quote history

You made the choice to risk it when you slept with her or any of the other women you have slept with. You might have slept with someone who didn't know they had it so are they responsible even if they don't know they have it or are you responsible?

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 16:53

TheGrimm · 09/12/2023 16:43

@FatFatMary the only way you would know is if you had a blood test for HSV antibodies and even then it’s not 100% accurate.

It is quite poor on accuracy from what I've read, false positives and false negatives. Swabbing an actual outbreak is very accurate though.

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 17:01

Wednesdayweekday · 09/12/2023 09:13

@AlmostAJillSandwich you realise most people who have HSV-1 contract it as kids, right? And that being a virgin til 30 in no way means you’ve not been exposed to, or contracted it?

I’ve never had cold sores either, and I’ve also never had anyone disclose to me prior to kissing me that they have HSV-1. It’s just not something society expects people to do, even though those of us without it may want to know. It’s actually laughable the difference in how these two strains of the same virus are viewed.

I agree, I get terrible oral outbreaks. People are sympathetic and I never had a boyfriend who was worried about it, never had anyone worry about sharing crockery or utensils. In many ways I think I'd prefer GHSV as the way I get cold sores is very disfiguring and uncomfortable. I don't get one of those little sores on my lip, I get them all along the top of my lip, round my nose and up my nose. I occasionally get them in my mouth which is a particular sort of agony, I've begged my dentist to pull teeth out before now when the pain was nerve pain from a cold sore.

My immune system doesn't copy well with the virus but God bless acyclovir tablets, they changed my life.

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 17:07

AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/12/2023 02:42

Absolutely yes i would!

I have never had a cold sore, nor genital warts. (Didn't have my first kiss til my current partner in my early 30's and he's the only person i've even seen naked let alone had physical sexual contact with, so i know 100% i didn't have anything before getting together with him) You damn right i'd want to know if the person i was considering a relationship with had one of these incurable lifelong conditions that i would be risking catching and having for the rest of my life. You never know how seriously you could be affected, some people get an occasional mild breakout, others are plagued with it severely. I specifically asked him if he'd ever had a cold sore or genital warts/sores etc right at the beginning before we'd kissed, along with his STD history.

To know you have either virus, currently in an active outbreak or dormant, and to not tell someone before kissing/sexual contact, is absolutely disgusting. You know that you can infect them if they haven't previously been exposed, its pure selfishness to put your own desire to be in a relationship with that person, over their right to choose if they want to risk infection or not. Imo i'd even class it as assault.

Show quote history

Did no one ever kiss you when you were a child. That is sad. I got oral herpes when I was 3 and an aunt kissed me. I wish I never caught it but I wouldn't have given up kisses from those who loved me for the privilege.

Ginandjuice57884 · 09/12/2023 17:15

I would rather marry your partner than you. You sound fucking horrible and hold your partner in such low regard.

FatFatMary · 09/12/2023 17:35

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 17:07

Did no one ever kiss you when you were a child. That is sad. I got oral herpes when I was 3 and an aunt kissed me. I wish I never caught it but I wouldn't have given up kisses from those who loved me for the privilege.

Show quote history

kissing children on lips wasn’t done in my family. It’s just a cultural difference. Besides it looks like it’s better not to if it passes disease

Opentooffers · 09/12/2023 17:49

There's a lot of drip feeding going on. Now she has slept with lots of married men and still sees nothing wrong with it. Also, she is a kept woman and you provide 100% of everything. Well, you know, people have opinions based on what you do say, not on what you don't. So instead of getting nasty, just fill in the back story better.
Based on what you say, what's in it for you? Sounds pretty crap really, another person with less baggage would be better for you.

BoobyDazzler · 09/12/2023 18:08

FatFatMary · 09/12/2023 17:35

kissing children on lips wasn’t done in my family. It’s just a cultural difference. Besides it looks like it’s better not to if it passes disease

Show quote history

Better not so show your children love if if they might catch a completely manageable and slightly inconvenient “disease”? Are you quite well? Also what culture doesn’t kiss their kids?

FatFatMary · 09/12/2023 18:10

BoobyDazzler · 09/12/2023 18:08

Better not so show your children love if if they might catch a completely manageable and slightly inconvenient “disease”? Are you quite well? Also what culture doesn’t kiss their kids?

Show quote history

I’m not sure about what culture as I’m white british. I’ve never kissed my DC the lips but will hug them and tell them I love them. I just don’t see the need. It never crossed my mind to

FatFatMary · 09/12/2023 18:11

I’ve kissed them on the cheek though

Peacheroo · 09/12/2023 18:23

So the husbands were not in the wrong but she was? You clearly don't think she is worthy of your greatness so get rid.

neilyoungismyhero · 09/12/2023 18:29

No one can advise you because it's all down to how you feel. Like other posters I'm disappointed that a partner should feel the way you clearly do. It seems as if you're going to hold this opinion of her, loose morals etc. for the rest of your relationship and as for being embarrassed possibly seeing her ex partners?? It appears you've convinced her she's some sort of Delila to your Sampson. She deserves better to be honest.

Dolly567 · 09/12/2023 18:32

How old are you? You sound VERY young

Dolly567 · 09/12/2023 18:34

I know more friends / family who have only had one partner their whole life and cheated on them and had affairs! You don't know if she was struggling with her mental health or the reasons she was doing this (low self esteem) etc
Leave her, you are so judgmental

How would you handle it if it was the other way round?

DSDaisy · 09/12/2023 19:15

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