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Original poster

I’m 24 and he’s 38, divorced with three children!

423 replies

Grace1999 · 06/12/2023 21:44

Hello, so I have met a man through work who is 38 and he is recently divorced and has three children. He keeps asking if I’m okay with the situation and if I want to get involved and what my parents and family will think about his situation. I’m getting anxious about it but i don’t know what to do. I really like him but this is a huge factor on us!
anyone experienced this and how they dealt with it ? Should I be avoiding this ?

OP posts:
Jztbrzzsy · 06/12/2023 21:46

How recently divorced are we talking?

He sounds insecure. If I was 24 I don't know if I'd bother with someone 14 yrs older than me, freshly divorced with two kids.

titchy · 06/12/2023 21:47

Oh god you're way too young for this sort of baggage. Find someone else nearer your own age.

SheilaFentiman · 06/12/2023 21:47

Honestly, I wouldn’t.

Lewiscapaldiscat · 06/12/2023 21:47

Run

Ffsnotaconference · 06/12/2023 21:48

You should definitely be avoiding this.

Do you want kids? Do you want to live with him? And his kids?

Do you want spend your life organising around him, his kids, his ex, his exs new partner if they get one?
Thats what ends up happening. If you have kids it gets even more complicated. And often step parents become less tolerant of their step kids when their own children are born. Not always but often. It’s understandable really.

and tbh, as someone his age, I don’t understand how he can find someone at 24 years attractive. You have a huge gap in life experience.

honestly, if I were your age I would walk the other way.

Go visit the step parenting board.

GrumpyPanda · 06/12/2023 21:49

Post this on the step-parenting board, peruse their responses, then run. Or just run.

rwc2023 · 06/12/2023 21:50

It might be ok, might not ….

A couple of things obviously to consider. 14 year age gap when you work together - what’s the power balance like? Is he a / your supervisor?
Then, the 3 kids … how might you see your life with them in? Does that have any bearing on him wanting more, or not, if you did?

arethereanyleftatall · 06/12/2023 21:51

No, no, no, no op. Please no. There is no DECENT 38 yr old on earth who would have anything to do with a 24 yr old.

You do not want to be a step mum to 3 - closer to the eldest as age than his? That child would not like you. No, no, no, no op. Run.

Fedupbeingworriedallthegoddamntime · 06/12/2023 21:51

You will look back and wonder why you wasted your youth on an old divorced bloke with 3 kids.

Gettingbysomehow · 06/12/2023 21:51

Way too much baggage, you will be an unpaid baby sitter. You should be having fun with people your own age. Not with some bloke old enough to be your dad. You are only young once, don't waste a day of it.

Littlestlargest · 06/12/2023 21:52

Too much unnecessary baggage.

I don't mean to be patronising but you are too young to need to deal with this.

Be wary of workplace romances and office gossip too particularly given the age gap and his situation.

Dotcheck · 06/12/2023 21:52

Fedupbeingworriedallthegoddamntime · 06/12/2023 21:51

You will look back and wonder why you wasted your youth on an old divorced bloke with 3 kids.

Agree with this 100%

adriftabroad · 06/12/2023 21:53

NO

TinkerTiger · 06/12/2023 21:54

N O P E

I'm 40 and wouldn't date someone with 3 kids, that's a handful

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/12/2023 21:54

Fedupbeingworriedallthegoddamntime · 06/12/2023 21:51

You will look back and wonder why you wasted your youth on an old divorced bloke with 3 kids.

This. He knows it as well. He wants a young, pretty woman to act out his youth on, be impressive to, and probably foist some shitwork onto.

Do you want to marry, have your own children, travel, develop and grow? Or slot into the woman-shaped hole in his old bloke's life?

stepintochristmas1 · 06/12/2023 21:54

Twenty four yr old me would have run a mile .

Wahtnow · 06/12/2023 21:55

Tbh that's a situation to avoid for a woman close to his own age, but by the time you're 38 most men are going to come with a past. At your age, there's really no need to accept that.

The reason he's asking what your family think is because he knows they'd hate it and there's a reason for that.

WhatHaveIDoneNo3 · 06/12/2023 21:56

Fedupbeingworriedallthegoddamntime · 06/12/2023 21:51

You will look back and wonder why you wasted your youth on an old divorced bloke with 3 kids.

Hit the nail on the head, OP don’t waste your best years playing step mum to 3 kids

ChanelNo19EDT · 06/12/2023 21:56

Way too much hassle, but if you trust yourself not to get sucked in (definitely do not move in) then you're only 24, you have time to meet somebody else who has no kids and no x wives. Honestly, three kids, they aint going anywhere, it's just a lot going on for a very young woman like yourself. Is he worth it? why did his x divorce him? is he extraordinary ? or is he just the guy that caught your attention and you his at the moment?

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/12/2023 21:56

stepintochristmas1 · 06/12/2023 21:54

Twenty four yr old me would have run a mile .

18 yo me was almost sucked in. I look back and my skin crawls.

PermanentTemporary · 06/12/2023 21:56

I think he's right to be unable to believe you are really going to stay with him. You are SO young. I know at that age I was in fact quite unhappy (not to mention extremely broke). I met someone, proposed to them and was married by 26 because I was desperate to feel a sense of direction. That was a mistake, overall, though it did give me more confidence.

If you think there's something fun or interesting in dating this guy for a while, then sure. But tbh I think there's more adventure and learning to be had away from someone with such a huge amount of baggage who's 14 years your senior.

KombuchaKalling · 06/12/2023 21:56

Run quick! Life is too short for all of this complication and drama

joelmillersbackpack · 06/12/2023 21:57

RUN

SheilaFentiman · 06/12/2023 21:57

PermanentTemporary · 06/12/2023 21:56

I think he's right to be unable to believe you are really going to stay with him. You are SO young. I know at that age I was in fact quite unhappy (not to mention extremely broke). I met someone, proposed to them and was married by 26 because I was desperate to feel a sense of direction. That was a mistake, overall, though it did give me more confidence.

If you think there's something fun or interesting in dating this guy for a while, then sure. But tbh I think there's more adventure and learning to be had away from someone with such a huge amount of baggage who's 14 years your senior.

… all this AND you know him through work, which could make a break up awkward.

SoulCaptain · 06/12/2023 21:57

Run!!! Do not waste years of your life with this man