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Original poster

I’m 24 and he’s 38, divorced with three children!

423 replies

Grace1999 · 06/12/2023 21:44

Hello, so I have met a man through work who is 38 and he is recently divorced and has three children. He keeps asking if I’m okay with the situation and if I want to get involved and what my parents and family will think about his situation. I’m getting anxious about it but i don’t know what to do. I really like him but this is a huge factor on us!
anyone experienced this and how they dealt with it ? Should I be avoiding this ?

OP posts:
Missiing · 06/12/2023 22:16

Whalewatchers · 06/12/2023 22:14

I don't think that's right. A 24 year old is mature and would be interesting to a decent 38 year old if they are each others type.

Show quote history

Agreed. I don’t think it has anything to do with being indecent that he shouldn’t want to. Both consenting adults and you never know what connects people. It’s very black and white to say he wouldn’t be decent because he was interested in that

PerspiringElizabeth · 06/12/2023 22:17

Honestly, find someone with no baggage. Waaaay too complicated way too soon. Now is the time to live your life with freedom!

I say this as someone who got married at 22 and first kid at 25, but DH was 2 years older than me and didn’t have any kids. So we were free together. No power/experience discrepancy.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 06/12/2023 22:17

You're young. You have a lot of options. He comes towing a shit-ton of baggage that will make your life much, much, much harder.

Throw this one back.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 06/12/2023 22:18

In a nutshell, avoid yes.

Sunflower8848 · 06/12/2023 22:19

I think the ultimate question is, does he make you happy?

SemperIdem · 06/12/2023 22:19

OnAir · 06/12/2023 22:09

Wonder what the responses would be if it were roles reversed. A bunch of men telling another man that the woman has far too much baggage. 🤔

My response would the same to a 24 year old man staring down the barrel of being step dad to a recently divorced 38 year old woman’s 3 kids. HTH

dottydaily · 06/12/2023 22:20

No, too much baggage for your age.

MadeForThis · 06/12/2023 22:21

No way. Walk away now before you get attached.

You're 24. Enjoy your time. Don't tie yourself down.

LimePi · 06/12/2023 22:21

You are so young- you can meet a lovely man without three kids and all related drama closer to your age. Or several!
dont get bogged down in this
Three kids is a lot of work- enjoy carefree years and dating before having your own kids on your own timeline

Jl2014 · 06/12/2023 22:23

avoid avoid avoid

arethereanyleftatall · 06/12/2023 22:24

Sunflower8848 · 06/12/2023 22:19

I think the ultimate question is, does he make you happy?

It really isn't. Because of course that would be a yes. One always is when they first start dating, otherwise you wouldn't bother.

The questions are - do you want to be a step mother, do you want to be going out with a 60 yr old when you're 46, do you want to be going out with someone who is happy to see you throw your carefree twenties away to feed his ego, will you be happy about this decision if yes on thirty years time - those are the questions.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 06/12/2023 22:24

Wasted my 20's on one of these. Run!!

DeadbeatYoda · 06/12/2023 22:24

You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. If you were my daughter I would be asking you to think very hard about saddling yourself with the baggage of someone else's life when you could be making your own life. I agree with the other posters, get out before you get in too deep.

Panaa · 06/12/2023 22:24

OnAir · 06/12/2023 22:09

Wonder what the responses would be if it were roles reversed. A bunch of men telling another man that the woman has far too much baggage. 🤔

😂
They wouldn't be pleasant. Have you ever been on a forum where it's mostly men who post?

A huge amount of them bash single mothers and say they wouldn't raise another mans spawn 😂even if the woman isn't asking them to.

There would be plenty to say to go for it because single mothers are 'gagging' for it but to end it before it got serious.

And then maybe a token couple of responses from men who had been in that situation and ended up happy and in love.

Londonscallingme · 06/12/2023 22:24

Seems like I’m massively in the minority, but I wouldn’t rule it out if I really like him, but I’d have to REALLY like him. I also wouldn’t want to meet the kids for a long time to be sure he was worth it.

takeyourmeds · 06/12/2023 22:25

OnAir · 06/12/2023 22:09

Wonder what the responses would be if it were roles reversed. A bunch of men telling another man that the woman has far too much baggage. 🤔

I think most people would think a 24 year old and a 38 year old with 3 kids were not well suited and would be unlikely to work out long term regardless of sex.

DeadbeatYoda · 06/12/2023 22:26

OnAir · 06/12/2023 22:09

Wonder what the responses would be if it were roles reversed. A bunch of men telling another man that the woman has far too much baggage. 🤔

@OnAir
If a 24 year old lad was asking about getting together with a 38 year old woman with 3 kids I'd say exactly the same.

LemonLimeDivine · 06/12/2023 22:27

Walk away (quickly)
I met my DH in my twenties. He was separated with 2 kids. Being a step-parent is an utterly thankless task. Have fun and find someone closer to your age who doesn’t have so much baggage. Don’t put yourself through it. Your life won’t be your own and will be dictated by others.

GoldDuster · 06/12/2023 22:27

AVOID. A 38 year old man chasing 24 year old women is questionable, "recently divorced" is a hard swerve, plus three kids, wouldn't touch it with someone elses.

You have your own life to live, don't miss the next ten years miring yourself in his life, make your own.

Book a holiday, sign up for a course, get tickets for some gigs, plan some nights out with friends, anything but this.

StaceysDaughter · 06/12/2023 22:28

Avoid avoid avoid

PickAChew · 06/12/2023 22:29

I'm 54 and I wouldn't.

GrumpyPanda · 06/12/2023 22:30

OnAir · 06/12/2023 22:09

Wonder what the responses would be if it were roles reversed. A bunch of men telling another man that the woman has far too much baggage. 🤔

How many 24yo men date 38yo women with three kids? And how many of the former are likely to have been socialized into people-pleasing? Maybe spend some time on the step-parenting board reading up on the gendered expectations towards stepmums as opposed to step-dads before starting up a ridiculous false equivalency argument.

Ehwot · 06/12/2023 22:31

Omg! Dump him, take some savings and see the world ffs.
or be the emotional punch bag for his kids. I’ve got my own and that’s hard enough.

bonzaitree · 06/12/2023 22:32

No- find someone a similar age who is child free like you to create a life you chose. Marry and have kids if you want, travel if you want, work abroad if you want.

Don’t be some divorced dads fantasy.

StopWithYourNonsense · 06/12/2023 22:33

He's middle-aged and has got 3 kids (and an ex). I think you'd be better off with someone nearer your own age, but definitely someone with no kids.