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Original poster

I’m 24 and he’s 38, divorced with three children!

423 replies

Grace1999 · 06/12/2023 21:44

Hello, so I have met a man through work who is 38 and he is recently divorced and has three children. He keeps asking if I’m okay with the situation and if I want to get involved and what my parents and family will think about his situation. I’m getting anxious about it but i don’t know what to do. I really like him but this is a huge factor on us!
anyone experienced this and how they dealt with it ? Should I be avoiding this ?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 07/12/2023 01:18

Is he interviewing you for the position of nanny?

GreatGateauxsby · 07/12/2023 01:33

Grace1999 · 06/12/2023 23:03

How did your family and friends take this? If it goes there I am nervous to tell them.

erm…. Maybe consider why you are nervous?

Would you be nervous about introducing them to a 24/25/26 year old with no children who you met at work and were dating? No. Why?

Posters are also clearly advising/saying DO NOT let it “go there”.

And FGS if you do nothing else sensible, get and stay on reliable contraception.

ImustLearn2Cook · 07/12/2023 01:33

@Grace1999 I have read your posts but not RTFT, so I don’t know if this has been suggested.

Have a look at the step parents board on MN. You’ll get a bit of insight into what it can be like in a relationship with a man who has kids.

There is more to dating or having a relationship than liking them, being attracted to them. There needs to be compatibility on a number of levels. And one thing to consider is how sharing your life with this person would be like. Are you both in the right place? Are you headed in the same direction? What would your life be like with this person? Is it what you want? Do you want to have children? Does he want more than 3 kids? Are your future goals aligned?

Holdingsteady · 07/12/2023 01:44

Speaking from experience here. DON’T DO IT

I did it and was widowed at 42 yrs old.

We had 3 kids, everyone thought he was grandad to my youngest.

He also retired 10 yrs before he passed away and I was basically his carer.

Another factor in all of this is because I was so much younger than him, he was fully expecting me to leave him for a younger man (I wasn’t) and he became very jealous and controlling.

When we met, I was young and headstrong and I wouldn’t listen to anyone who criticised. Given my time again, I would run a mile.

Don’t be me!!!

JFDIYOLO · 07/12/2023 01:53

The BAGGAGE. How old are the kids?

By the time you're in your mid forties he'll be sixty. When you're my age he'll be in his mid seventies.

He's divorced with three kids already while you at 24 are still not quite an adult, neurologically speaking. This is creepy.

https://www.inverse.com/article/33753-brain-changes-health-25-quarter-life-crisis-neurology

3 Things That Happen to the Human Brain at 25

You've peaked. Kinda.

https://www.inverse.com/article/33753-brain-changes-health-25-quarter-life-crisis-neurology

Honeychickpea · 07/12/2023 01:58

Yes, you should. Don't waste your youth on an asshole who wants a nanny with beneits. You are worth so much more.

User893432374902zzx · 07/12/2023 03:18

If you like the person I don't see why you should be put off. In fact, he is probaby quite mature and the relationship/marrying type if he has previously been married and had three children. If he could be good enough for someone else he could be good enough for you too.

Also, his children are not necessarily a burden. You may want a full family immediately without the body ruining pregnancies. He may rarely see the children.

There are many more nuances to this scenario.

Panaa · 07/12/2023 03:31

User893432374902zzx · 07/12/2023 03:18

If you like the person I don't see why you should be put off. In fact, he is probaby quite mature and the relationship/marrying type if he has previously been married and had three children. If he could be good enough for someone else he could be good enough for you too.

Also, his children are not necessarily a burden. You may want a full family immediately without the body ruining pregnancies. He may rarely see the children.

There are many more nuances to this scenario.

Who says "ah he's just divorced, well he must be mature and the marrying type?" 😂

There's a fairly decent chance that he's not mature or the marrying type if he's just got divorced, especially when he's then chasing a 24 year old.

Justfinking · 07/12/2023 03:32

Sorry haven't RTFT, run. Even if it's all good, do you really want 3 stepkids, too much hassle. You can do better

SquashPenguin · 07/12/2023 03:37

My ex was 8 yrs older with two kids. His whole family was a fucking nightmare. Don’t do it!

Im now with a man my own age, no baggage and a baby of our own on the way. I never thought I could be this happy after the shitshow my last relationship turned out to be.

hellohellothere · 07/12/2023 03:37

User893432374902zzx · 07/12/2023 03:18

If you like the person I don't see why you should be put off. In fact, he is probaby quite mature and the relationship/marrying type if he has previously been married and had three children. If he could be good enough for someone else he could be good enough for you too.

Also, his children are not necessarily a burden. You may want a full family immediately without the body ruining pregnancies. He may rarely see the children.

There are many more nuances to this scenario.

Most 24 year olds aren't going to want an instant family ffs. She may never even meet the kids. Btw pregnancies aren't "body ruining".

coldcallerbaiter · 07/12/2023 03:43

You can do waaay better.

what’s so good about him, is he really good looking or rich? I don’t get it…

Geppili · 07/12/2023 03:56

Just don't! Read some stepmum threads on here.

Geppili · 07/12/2023 03:58

Pay attention to your contraception.

saffronsoup · 07/12/2023 04:07

OnAir · 06/12/2023 22:09

Wonder what the responses would be if it were roles reversed. A bunch of men telling another man that the woman has far too much baggage. 🤔

Or taking about a 24 year old as though they are not yet an adult or a competent or capable being. There are many 24 year old women married, residing children, running businesses, owning homes, working in professions with responsibilities for people’s lives…but this thread treats OP like she is just some wee little thing who can’t possibly understand life or make decisions for herself or who she dates. The infantilization of women drives me up the wall. OP is not a child. When adults work together it isn’t uncommon for there to be attraction or to find things in common or to enjoy spending time together. That doesn’t mean everyone is compatible and work relationships have lots of complexities but all this hand wringing as though OP is 14 and not yet a competent adult is quite sexist.

Ascubudr · 07/12/2023 04:11

Missiing · 06/12/2023 22:15

So Interesting reading these responses - my sister was almost in the same situation but in reverse as a mom of 37 suddenly single - he was 24/25 and now she is 40 and he is 28 and they’re super happy together. We did say at the time he was so young but he had loads of life experience due to what he had been through early on. It sometimes can work but I think it’s quite few and far between

3 years is not "it working out" I assume the children are stilll young ? Cone back to us in 10 years.

oakleaffy · 07/12/2023 04:17

Heck no!

A 38 yr old man is different to one with three children in his wake.

Run !

He’s probably after sex and lots of it -
If that’s what you are after, fair enough - but three kids, newly divorced-

Nope.

Mirrormeback · 07/12/2023 04:20

Sounds like it'll be a boring and tedious life for someone age 24 with a 38 divorcee with 3 DC

Noicant · 07/12/2023 04:26

Fedupbeingworriedallthegoddamntime · 06/12/2023 21:51

You will look back and wonder why you wasted your youth on an old divorced bloke with 3 kids.

Yup don’t do it OP

Noicant · 07/12/2023 04:29

OnAir · 06/12/2023 22:09

Wonder what the responses would be if it were roles reversed. A bunch of men telling another man that the woman has far too much baggage. 🤔

If a 24yr old bloke at the start of his life was talking about a 38yr old woman with 3 kids I’d say the same.

inquisitiveinga · 07/12/2023 04:30

I don't think the age comments are fair... I'm 26 and have a 38 year old partner. I had my first baby at university (which I describe as the most amazing surprise of my existence to date) and am pregnant with our first child together now. We have loads in common and love eachother dearly. Although the child situation is somewhat reversed, it shows that "age gaps" and step children can work.

I agree with one other PP who said continuing if you really really like him, but holding off to meet children for some time to ensure you're both feeling stable/secure etc (for the children's sake if nothing else).

Good luck x

Dentistlakes · 07/12/2023 04:48

At 24 you don’t need the complications this relationship brings. I would call it quits. You’ll have plenty of opportunity to meet someone much more suitable.

CurlewKate · 07/12/2023 04:51

@Grace1999 you are the same age and the same name as my dd. I'll say to you what I'd say to her. Please, please don't do this. And PLEASE, whatever you do, don't get pregnant while you're deciding. That would be the biggest mistake of your life.

SauronsArsehole · 07/12/2023 04:54

I’m the same age bracket as him with a teen and even I wouldn’t want that! Throw him back in the sea and keep looking.

ButterBastardBeans · 07/12/2023 04:57

You've not said much about him as a person OP. You seem very hung up on what others would think.

Are you with him but want to know how to tell your folks that you are because that is a different question.