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Original poster

I’m 24 and he’s 38, divorced with three children!

423 replies

Grace1999 · 06/12/2023 21:44

Hello, so I have met a man through work who is 38 and he is recently divorced and has three children. He keeps asking if I’m okay with the situation and if I want to get involved and what my parents and family will think about his situation. I’m getting anxious about it but i don’t know what to do. I really like him but this is a huge factor on us!
anyone experienced this and how they dealt with it ? Should I be avoiding this ?

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 06/12/2023 21:58

RUN.

I was 42 when I met my now DH who had 2 kids. Being a SM is a thankless task (made even worse if there’s a bitter EW who will make your life a misery).

You are 24 - go & enjoy life.

Katy231 · 06/12/2023 21:59

If he's a multi-millionaire who can hire 3 nanny's then maybe but still probably not.

Robinkitty · 06/12/2023 21:59

Well it seems to work for my ex husband who left me for his secretary. Same age gap.
I think they have a lovely life. Every other weekend they have 3 lovely children come and stay with them, go out for dinners, ice skating get takeaways with the kids and the rest of the time is theirs to do as they please. Only issue is that he can’t and wouldn’t want to have any more children so I do genuinely hope she doesn’t regret that..
edited to add that as the ex wife I certainly do not make anyone’s life a misery.

SkaneTos · 06/12/2023 21:59

I would not get involved.

How recently is recently divorced?

How old are the kids?

Again, I would not get involved.

Illegallyblonder · 06/12/2023 22:01

Urgh

Panaa · 06/12/2023 22:01

Definitely avoid.

He keeps asking if I’m okay with the situation and if I want to get involved

It's a stupid question for him to ask you and at his age he knows it. You don't know the reality of what it would be like or how it could restrict your future.

tsmainsqueeze · 06/12/2023 22:03

Don't lumber yourself , so many obstacles stopping you from being top of his list.
You are so young with the world at your feet and there are so many fish in the sea.

neilyoungismyhero · 06/12/2023 22:06

I was going to say just have some fun with him and enjoy it for what it may be, but to be honest can't see him having the time money or energy to have the sort of relationship you deserve at your age. He'll be paying for his new accommodation, child maintenance and all the rest of it plus as others have said his ex will still be a massive part of his life one way or another. Far too much drama heading your way.

MistyBean · 06/12/2023 22:08

I think if he really did care for you, he would let you go. This is a huge amount for someone so young, go and enjoy your life.

OnAir · 06/12/2023 22:09

Wonder what the responses would be if it were roles reversed. A bunch of men telling another man that the woman has far too much baggage. 🤔

coxesorangepippin · 06/12/2023 22:10

Run

Hedonism · 06/12/2023 22:10

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/12/2023 21:56

18 yo me was almost sucked in. I look back and my skin crawls.

Show quote history

Urgh, same here for 19yo me. Wtf was I thinking.

RADIOOFF · 06/12/2023 22:11

What he needs is an electric blanket and a 24 hr a day nanny for contact weekends with his children.

But they would take more money and effort to acquire than you, @Grace1999 …

takeyourmeds · 06/12/2023 22:13

Rather you than me OP. Honestly take the rose tinted glasses off and think, is this really what you want to be with some man 14 years older than you with three kids when you could be having the time of your life with no ties and then meet a nice guy your own age to do the whole marriage and kids thing with. He may be a nice guy but I would end it now.

idontlikealdi · 06/12/2023 22:13

You're way too roung for the baggage. Run.

wp65 · 06/12/2023 22:13

OnAir · 06/12/2023 22:09

Wonder what the responses would be if it were roles reversed. A bunch of men telling another man that the woman has far too much baggage. 🤔

But it's not as straightforward as that. Ingrained gender roles can make a massive difference, eg to the power dynamic, and also to the expectations around how much childcare the 'step-parent' will do. In practice, a young woman getting involved with an older man with kids is likely to be more vulnerable to exploitation (even if it's unconscious) than if the sexes were reversed.

Whalewatchers · 06/12/2023 22:14

arethereanyleftatall · 06/12/2023 21:51

No, no, no, no op. Please no. There is no DECENT 38 yr old on earth who would have anything to do with a 24 yr old.

You do not want to be a step mum to 3 - closer to the eldest as age than his? That child would not like you. No, no, no, no op. Run.

I don't think that's right. A 24 year old is mature and would be interesting to a decent 38 year old if they are each others type.

Humbugg · 06/12/2023 22:14

I really really wouldn’t OP

Missiing · 06/12/2023 22:15

So Interesting reading these responses - my sister was almost in the same situation but in reverse as a mom of 37 suddenly single - he was 24/25 and now she is 40 and he is 28 and they’re super happy together. We did say at the time he was so young but he had loads of life experience due to what he had been through early on. It sometimes can work but I think it’s quite few and far between

wp65 · 06/12/2023 22:15

(Though I would add that I'd still strongly advise a young man against getting involved with a much older woman with three kids! Still a terrible idea.)

unsync · 06/12/2023 22:15

Nope. This was how my abusive marriage began. Massive power imbalance, always last in the queue for anything, it was a litany of awfulness. Don't do it to yourself.

Andthereyougo · 06/12/2023 22:15

You should be having fun, nights out, fun activities with friends, you don’t need to get involved with kids and maybe an angry mum . I’ve been there, done that, a lot older than you and it was shit.
Walk away.

Userengage · 06/12/2023 22:15

All the nos, you’re 24 - what could you possibly want with this old fella and his three children? Go and enjoy your life.

FKATondelayo · 06/12/2023 22:15

OnAir · 06/12/2023 22:09

Wonder what the responses would be if it were roles reversed. A bunch of men telling another man that the woman has far too much baggage. 🤔

If a 24 yo man was thinking about getting involved with a 38 yo divorced mother of 3 i would say exactly the same thing. Run like the wind.

SemperIdem · 06/12/2023 22:15

Honestly - no, do not get involved with this man.

Step parenting is really hard and at 24, there will be many other men you will meet who will not require this from you.