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Original poster

I’m 24 and he’s 38, divorced with three children!

423 replies

Grace1999 · 06/12/2023 21:44

Hello, so I have met a man through work who is 38 and he is recently divorced and has three children. He keeps asking if I’m okay with the situation and if I want to get involved and what my parents and family will think about his situation. I’m getting anxious about it but i don’t know what to do. I really like him but this is a huge factor on us!
anyone experienced this and how they dealt with it ? Should I be avoiding this ?

OP posts:
Christmasss · 06/12/2023 22:34

Run

Do not get pregnant

Read the step-parenting section on mumsnet.

Howmuchtohireahitman · 06/12/2023 22:35

I was 33 when I started dating my DH. He was 31 with 3 kids. I have no kids and have never wanted any of my own. I do love being a stepmum and given my time again, knowing what I know now I'd still choose him, but it is hard work. His ex is extremely difficult. We had to report her to the police last week for harassment. Even if the ex was ok you still have to plan your life around the kids. Couldn't just go off travelling for a couple of months, need to live close to the ex and the kids school. Then if you want to have your own kids that just adds another level of complexity.

Honestly have a browse through the step-parenting page. There will be a bunch of issues you won't even have thought of.

Disturbia81 · 06/12/2023 22:35

Yuck, leave him for the late 30s women and have fun with men your own age.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 06/12/2023 22:36

C'mon now don't be silly

RealBigBarbie · 06/12/2023 22:36

Are you actually serious right now?!

I’m 24 and there’s no way in HELL that I would date a divorced man, who’s 14 years older than me, that has 3 children. And I’m saying this as someone who has two children.

I don’t think it matters whether he’s a nice guy. There’s plenty of nice guys about. Find them!

Sundance03 · 06/12/2023 22:37

Oh god no, avoid avoid avoid

allmyliesaretrue · 06/12/2023 22:37

I'd have a conniption as the mother of a 24 year old!!!

RaininSummer · 06/12/2023 22:39

Unless he is the only vaguely suitable man within 200 miles just don't do it. You don't need such a complicated life at your age and would be potty to willingly enter into one.

zeldazoo · 06/12/2023 22:39

As someone with an older husband with 3 children from his previous marriage i say RUN and don't look back. Being a step mother is hard

WaltzingWaters · 06/12/2023 22:40

That’s a no way from me. Run. Even if he’s genuinely lovely, that’s a lot of baggage to take on.

GreatGateauxsby · 06/12/2023 22:44

Honestly…

If you were my daughter I’d tell you not to piss away your 20s and 30s raising this man’s kids for him while deprioritising your life goals… because statistically this IS what will happen.

run, don't walk.
there are a tonne of nice funny good men out there. It isn’t a choice between him and spinsterhood.

Startingagainandagain · 06/12/2023 22:45

Nope.

-There is too much of an age difference

-He failed to maintain a long term relationship although he had 3 kids in the mix.

Enjoy your youth and date higher quality men your own age.

therealcookiemonster · 06/12/2023 22:46

just no. been there, got the t shirt. not the right call in the majority of cases

SamW98 · 06/12/2023 22:47

takeyourmeds · 06/12/2023 22:25

I think most people would think a 24 year old and a 38 year old with 3 kids were not well suited and would be unlikely to work out long term regardless of sex.

Show quote history

💯 agree. It doesn’t matter which way round they are, a childless 24 year old and a 38 year old with 3 kids isn’t really a compatible long term match imo.

At 24 there’s so much life to live and taking on someone else’s children really isn’t something I would advise to someone that age.

aroundtheworld247 · 06/12/2023 22:56

I met my husband when I was 24 and he was 38 also divorced with 3 children, we have now been together 12 years happily married with two beautiful children of our own.

The age gap is noticeable at times but we love each other, when you love someone and you are compatible it works out

Marionberry · 06/12/2023 22:57

I chose to never date anyone with children , it’s just too much additional possible stress plus being poorer because obviously they need to support their children.

Also though a 14 year age gap may not seem much there is a time when the stage of life will be different. That stage being retirement I am having to wait for at least 3 years for the boy wonder that is DH to be able to retire because I’m a little older.

When I was 21 my 40 year old manager declared feelings, you know what I thought what an absolute deluded egoist to think he even had a chance. I mean he was old enough to be my Dad and that guy is not that far off being able to be your Dad.

Sodullincomparison · 06/12/2023 22:59

Don’t do it - in my 30s I dated a guy in his late forties who was divorced with five children aged 10-21 ( to the same woman).

four days a week it was amazing and how dating should be and three days were a juggle of housework, tantrums, getting everyone sorted and settled.

then one by one they moved in and it had some special moments and it had some shocking moments too.

go for the less complicated path while you are young.

HerRoyalNotness · 06/12/2023 23:02

Don’t waste the best years of your life on this

Wahtnow · 06/12/2023 23:03

Marionberry · 06/12/2023 22:57

I chose to never date anyone with children , it’s just too much additional possible stress plus being poorer because obviously they need to support their children.

Also though a 14 year age gap may not seem much there is a time when the stage of life will be different. That stage being retirement I am having to wait for at least 3 years for the boy wonder that is DH to be able to retire because I’m a little older.

When I was 21 my 40 year old manager declared feelings, you know what I thought what an absolute deluded egoist to think he even had a chance. I mean he was old enough to be my Dad and that guy is not that far off being able to be your Dad.

Another consideration. My boss is about to retire from a career she loves at 58 because her DH is 72 and they're very aware that it's now or never for any retirement travel plans.

Original poster
Grace1999 · 06/12/2023 23:03

How did your family and friends take this? If it goes there I am nervous to tell them.

OP posts:
YireosDodeAver · 06/12/2023 23:03

Run for the hills! Do not get involved with this man. Get away right now.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 06/12/2023 23:05

Not at 24. Choose freedom.

LongAndWindingRoads · 06/12/2023 23:06

You will be unpaid nanny, cleaner and cook. Most of these men are divorced because they were useless husband's and fathers. They just want you to pick up where ex wife left off.

hotpotlover · 06/12/2023 23:09

You're 24. You're young and the world is your oyster.

Please don't play step mommy to 3 kids.

TheFormidableMrsC · 06/12/2023 23:10

Nope, been there, absolutely not. Run.