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Original poster

New partner's coke use

177 replies

blueandpinkbubbles · 01/12/2023 23:34

I'm in a fairly new relationship and he has just told me he does coke every weekend. This was always a deal breaker for me before, but in every other way we are very compatible.

He has used for 4 years and when I asked if he wants to stop he said sometimes. I'm unsure where to go from here. Is it inevitable that it will affect our relationship?

OP posts:
ToThineOwnSelf · 01/12/2023 23:36

If this is a dealbreaker for you then you aren’t compatible after all.

It will definitely affect your relationship, speaking from experience.

lemonsandlimesx · 01/12/2023 23:37

Nope. Deal breaker for me. Not worth it

DeedlessIndeed · 01/12/2023 23:37

God, run now.

Can you imagine trying to have a nice, normal, relaxing weekend and he's only interested in being off of his face? Sounds like it is doomed from the get-go.

Eatbetterthisweek · 01/12/2023 23:38

How old are you and how old is he?

Loads of sad old 40 somethings doing cocaine just makes them look pathetic at that age. Rambling on and on about pensions, mortgages and all the other boring stuff that comes with this age group.

If you are teenagers and early twenties at Uni with no responsibilities then that’s a bit different.

NotSorryForTheReality · 01/12/2023 23:39

Nope, that was the sort of thing that was acceptable in a “relationship” when you were 18/19 and fucking up every aspect of life 😂so if you’re not at that stage cut your losses and run like fuck

Grendell · 01/12/2023 23:41

So, a dealbreaker in theory, but not in reality.

LittleGreenDragons · 01/12/2023 23:41

Of course it will affect your relationship. He's wasting his health, his money and any relationships for a white powder. What would happen if you wanted children, would you be prepared for him to spend money on drugs instead of nappies, or have him look after the child? And no, he wouldn't stop.

Onelifeonly · 01/12/2023 23:42

Depends maybe on your stage of life and how serious you are hoping this is going to be. Serious and hoping to have a family would be a definite no from me. Casual relationship maybe ok though tough if you fall hard for him.

seagull82 · 01/12/2023 23:45

From experience leave. It will definitely affect your relationship.

altmember · 01/12/2023 23:53

Someone who admits to using coke every weekend is probably omitting to tell you that they also use it the other 5 days of the week. And if not that, they're craving it all week. Personally, I'd run.

Catoo · 01/12/2023 23:55

Bin him off

Stress101 · 01/12/2023 23:59

Finish it now. Nothing good will come from it. BIL put his wife and two DDs through hell due to a cocaine and alcohol addiction. He was a user before she met him but his dependance got worse over time. He would go the shops and disappear for days and go on a bender leaving SIL worried out of her mind. There was domestic abuse when he was drunk and drugged.

She tried her best to help him but he didn't want help. Told her he was going to AA and NA meetings, admitted later that he never went.

They are now divorced and he has lost all rights to his children who are 13 and 14. He has never paid maintenance. He lives in a hostel and is still on coke and drinking. My SIL has recently lost the family home after trying to keep it for years. They are now in a hostel waiting to be rehomed. The two girls have deep psychological trauma which is devastating and to top it all of their Grandparents and other Aunts and Uncles have turned their back on them and continue to support and enable BIL. Myself and DH are the only ones that support SIL.

Run and keep on running from this man you are seeing. When somebody shows you who they are believe them.

MadCatLady27 · 02/12/2023 00:02

It would be a deal breaker for me

Kinneddar · 02/12/2023 00:04

Total deal breaker for me

If hes admitting to using 2 days a week probably means he's really using at least 4

sixteenfurryfeet · 02/12/2023 00:06

If he's using every weekend then the person you think you know isn't who he really is.

Time for new partner to become ex-partner. Sorry.

OkayScooby · 02/12/2023 00:07

I'm in a fairly new relationship and he has just told me he does coke every weekend. This was always a deal breaker for me

It's a fairly new relationship and you are already lowering your standards. Not boding well, is it?

B1rd · 02/12/2023 00:09

There are so many other men who dont have a coke habit.
He's basically telling you that he cant cope with life.

Panaa · 02/12/2023 00:09

This was always a deal breaker for me before

Did you ever enforce this dealbreaker before or did you just think it was one until you met a guy who you liked and he happens to do coke so you want to pretend it's no big deal?

If this is the first time you've encountered this issue in a relationship and before now you always said it was a dealbreaker then I think you need to really assess your own judgement if you were willing to overlook something so big just because you liked a guy. What other red flags would you ignore?

If you previously enforced it then what's different now?

Is it inevitable that it will affect our relationship?

There's a very high likelihood that it will.
In my experience regular cocaine users develop the most narcissistic personalities, they're awful.

Do you want kids? Are you going to be ok with their daddy doing coke every weekend? Or being an asshole to you if you try to get him not to do it?

What age is he? He could have a heart attack in his late 30s or early 40s.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 02/12/2023 00:10

It's either a deal breaker for you or it isn't?

How old are you both? Do either of you have any children?

It would be an absolute no from me at my age and life stage. As it her have said, this late teens/early 20s behaviour. Every weekend use is problematic and a health concern. Where and when is he using it?

You'll definitely be impacted. It keeps people awake (significantly), gives them a Colombian cold, increases aggression, makes them talk absolute shite, costs a bunch, is highly addictive...

GodDammitCecil · 02/12/2023 00:10

Your weekends will be really shit.

And I say this as someone who had a very fun, misspent youth.

It’s not for actual adults.

Ditch and move on. There’s zillions more fish in the sea.

RantyAnty · 02/12/2023 00:18

It's a deal breaker.
They're meant to protect you.

oogbkihdeeflkigfviimmm · 02/12/2023 00:21

Run for your life it’s not worth it

speaking from experience

Aquamarine1029 · 02/12/2023 00:21

I'm unsure where to go from here.

If this is true then you need to massively raise your standards. It's alarming you even had the need to write this post. He should have been yesterday's news already.

Dotcheck · 02/12/2023 00:21

How off putting.
Agree with pp- don’t lower your standards.
This is a fundamental difference in values, not he’s a cat person while you prefer dogs

JFDIYOLO · 02/12/2023 00:32

This will ruin your life. His life. And any children's lives. It will claw up every penny he has. All you have. Money that should go to supporting himself, you, any children. It will destroy his health and his mind. The only relationship addicts have is with their drug. When he tells you he 'only' uses bla bla bla, he is lying. Wake up.