New partner's coke use

[blueandpinkbubbles]

I'm in a fairly new relationship and he has just told me he does coke every weekend. This was always a deal breaker for me before, but in every other way we are very compatible.

He has used for 4 years and when I asked if he wants to stop he said sometimes. I'm unsure where to go from here. Is it inevitable that it will affect our relationship?

When does he see his children if he's doing coke every weekend?

Your title is wrong - it should say EX partner's coke use.

Friend's (ex) husband was a coke user. 'Just recreational' and 'under control' for years, until it wasn't and he beat her up for 2 years in front of her kids. In the end it was so bad she ran away to her neighbours and escaped the abusive relationship but she is scarred - physically and mentally. As are her children.

His children live several hours away from us so he doesn't see them as much as he would like. They talk daily and he sends money every week. He has a well paid, stable job and manages to function at work perfectly well.

At the weekends I'm mainly with my children and he's with friends. I see him when they're at school during the week and some evenings.

He's never shown any signs of aggression and treats me with respect. If that changed then I would be out of there, but I think everyone has flaws. I can live with it as things stand.

If I was wanting to get married or have more children it would be a different story.

Sounds like you've already decided to accept his cocaine habit.

Good luck OP. Just keep your kids out of it.

You’re an idiot and thinking with your fanny, not your head @blueandpinkbubbles, you can do better than this. You deserve better than this.

So do your children.

Honestly if you'd ever had a close relationship with a regular cocaine user before you would know that it will become intolerable to you. It always does when it's this frequent.

What were you hoping to get out of this thread, OP? It reads like a long justification on your part.

He absolutely doesn't manage at work to the best of his abilities. This isn't a drug you can take and then skip out of bed the next morning feeling tip top.

Or if he is apparently coping well at work, he'll be doing bumps in the loo to keep his high going.

Obviously it's your choice what you want to do with your life. But I know of people who have woken up in a smashed mirror because of cocaine. I know people who have flushed it all down the loo and then hidden in the toilet because they've imagined that the police are coming to get them. I know of people who have driven so high that they have to close one eye to see the road because they're seeing double. I know of lawyers who have gone to court to defend someone having not read the papers and having spent an hour having a panic attack in an alleyway on the way in. I know of people who have ended up engaging in extremely odd sexual behaviour because they're high as balls. I've seen people drooling over porn for hours with a limp dick and a tray of cocaine next to them so they can have the next bump.

That's not to mention the number of conversations I've sat through where the sole aim is to wait for the other person to stop speaking so they can continue boasting for several minutes.

He may well be a nice man. You may be besotted with him to the point you're willing to enter into this darkness going la la la. But at some point in the future, it'll be you warning someone else with a bunch of stories about the horrible things you've witnessed.

@blueandpinkbubbles
How often does he see them?
How do you know he even sends money?

My ex is a cokehead and literally a nightmare to co-parent with, well he doesn't co-parent at all because he barely sees them now, I told him he couldn't have them for overnights anymore if he was doing coke when he had them. He chose the coke.
And when I was going through something extremely stressful in the past couple of years and desperately needed a couple of days to myself, my only option for childcare was literally respite foster care 😂I didn't take up the offer but that's how useless those men can be as parents.

I decent dad with money to splash on coke every weekend would use that money to see his kids a few times a month instead.

As pp has said, a decent bloke would be using the coke money to visit his children at weekends. Instead he spends his weekends high. 🙄

Everyone 'functions' on coke/alcohol for a while, until they don't.

He's only been doing it 4 years - I don't think you know what your letting yourself in for. My ex functioned for 12 years, great job, great dad, plenty of money, then it began to unravel. He died aged 41.

Anyhoo, you seem to think you'll be fine despite the advice of literally hundreds of people.

You clearly must be better than all of us to be so sure of yourself.

Good luck. You're gonna need it.

Not sure what is more of a red flag; your boyfriend’s ex moving their children several hours away from him, or your boyfriend moving several hours away from his kids.

Good luck dating the duck.

He doesn't see his children as often as he'd like because he's too busy getting off his face

Ugh. What on Earth would possess you to stay with this grubby specimen?

What will you be doing with your weekends OP? Don't bother with this one, nice as he seems, Don't go looking for trouble, plenty of others on here who can tell you where this will go.

This is the best depiction of addiction I've ever seen. It really is like that.

@fulawitt I was like, 'nooooo, don't do it!' as the kiwi went on. I'm glad they didn't show him actually cark it.

Yes people have flaws but not everyone is a drug addict.

Foke. Not everyone is an addict. Yet.

This is so sad and actually reminds me of the person I mentioned above who died by suicide.

I've name changed for this.
You are being like I was which is SO NAIVE.
Two mates: both take coke in equivalent quantities to what you're saying, maybe more.
Both functioning, both good jobs etc.
I dumped him as I was never going to take it and a) he realised that b) I quickly cottoned on to the fact cocaine was the most important thing in his life - more important than me, more important than health scares he suffered etc.
b) his druggie friend's partner didn't and she now also takes it regularly when she didn't before.
It really hurt to break up with him and it might for you, but you need to because - honestly - this doesn't sound like a casual thing for you and there's loads of men who don't snort Colombia on the weekly.

I went out with a coke user (I didn’t know before I started seeing him.) He turned out to be an unreliable fantasist. Let me down all the time, didn’t turn up when he said he would, would lie about everything. The last straw was getting stopped by the police because he was drunk driving. Off his head on coke too. That was the end for me.