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Original poster

New partner's coke use

177 replies

blueandpinkbubbles · 01/12/2023 23:34

I'm in a fairly new relationship and he has just told me he does coke every weekend. This was always a deal breaker for me before, but in every other way we are very compatible.

He has used for 4 years and when I asked if he wants to stop he said sometimes. I'm unsure where to go from here. Is it inevitable that it will affect our relationship?

OP posts:
User43219 · 02/12/2023 12:38

Putting aside the ethics of it all (because quite frankly other than mumsnet no one I know thinks about where coke comes from) and people posting about cartels sacrificing children and the extreme side effects of coke, you have to think about whether you want to be with someone whose views are so different to yours.

porridgeisbae · 02/12/2023 12:43

I remember when I'd first got out of hospital with bipolar and a bloke I saw casually occassionally came over to visit. He asked me if I'd like some coke, I said no (I'd never had it before, either.) He got coke out and snorted it in front of me. He offered someone who'd just got out of hospital with bipolar, coke!

If he does it every weekend he is someone who's quite into drugs. These people are not on the same page as the rest of us.

AbondonedThemePark · 02/12/2023 12:55

blueandpinkbubbles · 01/12/2023 23:34

I'm in a fairly new relationship and he has just told me he does coke every weekend. This was always a deal breaker for me before, but in every other way we are very compatible.

He has used for 4 years and when I asked if he wants to stop he said sometimes. I'm unsure where to go from here. Is it inevitable that it will affect our relationship?

Why's it no longer a deal breaker?

LauraRacÄ¥4 · 02/12/2023 19:37

From experience, dump. You won't be a priority.

Original poster
blueandpinkbubbles · 03/12/2023 16:55

He is late twenties. I'm a few years older. Both have children from previous relationships and not looking for anything serious, so my children won't be around it.

He says he isn't addicted but then told me he does 2g a weekend which I think is a lot? He doesn't just do a line or two, some nights he's doing them one after the other all night. He has offered me a line but I turned it down and he hasn't pushed it.

We are compatible in so many other ways, which is why I'm hesitatant to leave. We have a lot in common, the same values, hobbies etc and we had a strong bond quite quickly.

Money isn't an issue for him. He has a good lifestyle, supports his children well financially and I'm not planning on living with him.

He has been honest and upfront about everything, so yes I do believe it's only weekends. Perhaps I'm naive. I've never been around people who do drugs before. Or maybe I should say people who are open about it.

OP posts:
DifferentUserName12 · 03/12/2023 17:04

@blueandpinkbubbles I would never have had 2g to myself even in height of my party girl days. That's an amount that would have been split between 3 or 4 people.

LittleMissSunshiner · 03/12/2023 17:12

Sorry OP I think you are extremely naive and there's red flags all over the place.

As a couple of hundred people took the time and effort to point out to you but you're going to ignore, so what can anyone say really? You'll find out the hard way. I'm genuinely sorry about that as the hard way is horrific.

He already offered you coke? That is pushing. What do you think drug pushing is? How do you think anyone in this world originally got started on drugs?

You do realise that in a court of law if it were proven that he asked you 'would you like some of this coke?' he would be convicted for intent to supply Class A drugs. That's quite the very definition of drug pushing.

What do you do on your weekends whilst he's wasted on coke and you're not? I can't imagine that's very entertaining? Or do you enjoy the thrill of being around a wasted person?

You are aware that whilst you're in his company or if he's in your home or your car, you're in the company of someone breaking the law and in possession of a Class A substance?

You are aware that the police love to gain a conviction where they can if for any reason whatsoever you had an incident where they police are required / nearby / involved, they will charge for possession of drugs if they find any just because they can gain a clear conviction. They're a bit petty and heavy handed like that. This is the world you're going to be living in so you'd better get educated fast.

Would you not prefer your kids to see you with a lovely bloke who's not a cokehead?

CheekyHobson · 03/12/2023 17:13

No way on God's green earth would I get into a relationship with someone who was doing 2g of coke a weekend. Especially someone who has kids!

Nobody has a coke habit like that if they don't have some serious issues that would compromise good relationship functioning.

catotangent · 03/12/2023 17:15

blueandpinkbubbles · 03/12/2023 16:55

He is late twenties. I'm a few years older. Both have children from previous relationships and not looking for anything serious, so my children won't be around it.

He says he isn't addicted but then told me he does 2g a weekend which I think is a lot? He doesn't just do a line or two, some nights he's doing them one after the other all night. He has offered me a line but I turned it down and he hasn't pushed it.

We are compatible in so many other ways, which is why I'm hesitatant to leave. We have a lot in common, the same values, hobbies etc and we had a strong bond quite quickly.

Money isn't an issue for him. He has a good lifestyle, supports his children well financially and I'm not planning on living with him.

He has been honest and upfront about everything, so yes I do believe it's only weekends. Perhaps I'm naive. I've never been around people who do drugs before. Or maybe I should say people who are open about it.

Sounds like you've already decided what you're going to do

ThankYoufortheDay · 03/12/2023 17:19

Ok so on weekends he will be doing coke. What will you be doing?

GodDammitCecil · 03/12/2023 17:20

Good luck, OP.

When (not if) this descends into unhappiness, resentment and unfulfillment, you will look back on the red flags you ignored, and wonder why you ignored them.

But you obviously need to learn that the hard way (as so many people do).

So, as I say, good luck……

Nanny0gg · 03/12/2023 18:00

blueandpinkbubbles · 03/12/2023 16:55

He is late twenties. I'm a few years older. Both have children from previous relationships and not looking for anything serious, so my children won't be around it.

He says he isn't addicted but then told me he does 2g a weekend which I think is a lot? He doesn't just do a line or two, some nights he's doing them one after the other all night. He has offered me a line but I turned it down and he hasn't pushed it.

We are compatible in so many other ways, which is why I'm hesitatant to leave. We have a lot in common, the same values, hobbies etc and we had a strong bond quite quickly.

Money isn't an issue for him. He has a good lifestyle, supports his children well financially and I'm not planning on living with him.

He has been honest and upfront about everything, so yes I do believe it's only weekends. Perhaps I'm naive. I've never been around people who do drugs before. Or maybe I should say people who are open about it.

You haven't got the same values

And instead of wasting spending all that money on coke, why isn't he spending it on his children?

category12 · 03/12/2023 18:05

Isn't that a couple of hundred quid up the nose every weekend? 😱😫

I think you are daft as a brush.

OhHowTheDogsStackUp · 03/12/2023 18:17

OP, two grams of cocaine for one person is an extraordinary amount.

I am speaking from experience of being around cocaine. I am in no way anti-drugs. If you had written this saying he smokes an eighth of weed every week, I would say give him a chance. If you had said he occasionally takes mushrooms, or ecstasy at a big party, I wouldn't think much of it.

But getting two grams of cocaine up your beak every weekend is genuinely not something you want to be around. It will have already changed his personality, he will have lost empathy, he will have lost the ability to derive pleasure from anything but cocaine, he will always put the contents of his baggy in front of you because cocaine is one of the most addictive substances in the world. When it is mixed with alcohol, it forms a substance called cocaethylene, which is even more addictive and incredibly damaging to the heart and other organs. Please see the attached link.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8956485/

Unless you also wish to become addicted to cocaine, this relationship will not function. If you did decide to join him in his addiction, you will be in an extremely dysfunctional and destructive relationship.

You have been warned.

OhHowTheDogsStackUp · 03/12/2023 18:23

There's also a strong risk that he will have episodes of cocaine psychosis taking that quality by himself.

Trust me, you do not want to see someone experience an episode of cocaine psychosis. It is extremely frightening.

I've seen a grown man cowering shirtless, covered in self inflicted scratches, convinced that there are people in the house trying to attack him.

Cocaine is seriously fucking dangerous. I can't stress this enough.

excelledyourself · 03/12/2023 18:38

supports his children well financially

This is all you say about his kids.

I assume if he's taking coke every weekend that he doesn't actually see his kids?

If you're not wanting anything serious with him, I don't understand why it's not a no brainer to just walk away.

DifferentUserName12 · 03/12/2023 18:50

I assume if he's taking coke every weekend that he doesn't actually see his kids?

Either that or he does it when they are in bed.

EarthSight · 03/12/2023 19:11

Do you like strippers, prostitutes and reckless driving?

Asking because almost every developed 'My partner does coke' thread on here will always at least one of these, most often the first two listed.

LittleMissSunshiner · 03/12/2023 19:24

OhHowTheDogsStackUp · 03/12/2023 18:23

There's also a strong risk that he will have episodes of cocaine psychosis taking that quality by himself.

Trust me, you do not want to see someone experience an episode of cocaine psychosis. It is extremely frightening.

I've seen a grown man cowering shirtless, covered in self inflicted scratches, convinced that there are people in the house trying to attack him.

Cocaine is seriously fucking dangerous. I can't stress this enough.

Oh please don't forget the 'cocaine paranoia' and the 'cocaine rage' and the 'cocaine violence' which all nicely segue nicely together when all of a sudden out the blue he thinks he saw you chatting to another bloke in the bar and three hours later you're being kicked round a room by a man with super human violence and dead behind the eyes, picking up objects to batter you to death with.

crankit · 03/12/2023 19:24

It's not going to end in a happy relationship is all I can advise op, been around that crowd long enough to know my friends in relationships with men that do that amount of coke aren't happy. Him going out on a sesh every weekend for two days will soon piss you off
Then when he's coming down in the horrors he will be a joy to be around !

crankit · 03/12/2023 19:25

@LittleMissSunshiner Yep, Major paranoia

LittleMissSunshiner · 03/12/2023 19:29

Where's he getting the money for his drugs and to support his kids (allegedly) one wonders?

And how does he get his steady regular supply?

Has he got customers of his own?

Do you know that every single person who sells coke is also selling and aggressively pushing crack cocaine, heroin, and all the synthetic garbage of the world such as spice and also pills of every description. They know that people want to 'come down' and chill after getting high. They also love to have a multiply addicted customer and if someone wants two grams they're asking can't you buy six as I might not be around next week. It's a game. For mugs.

DifferentUserName12 · 03/12/2023 19:31

LittleMissSunshiner · 03/12/2023 19:24

Oh please don't forget the 'cocaine paranoia' and the 'cocaine rage' and the 'cocaine violence' which all nicely segue nicely together when all of a sudden out the blue he thinks he saw you chatting to another bloke in the bar and three hours later you're being kicked round a room by a man with super human violence and dead behind the eyes, picking up objects to batter you to death with.

Show quote history

I've known a few heavy coke users in my time and none of them became violent out of the blue because of it. In my experience that's that's what alcohol does yet most people on this thread drink.

Most coke heads I know / knew gave up. Mostly they just grew out it and other things became more important to them. For others it took a health scare or losing friends or relationships.

A couple of them died, one by suicide, one of a heart attack. I think both of these deaths were ultimately caused by cocaine.

OhHowTheDogsStackUp · 03/12/2023 19:33

LittleMissSunshiner · 03/12/2023 19:24

Oh please don't forget the 'cocaine paranoia' and the 'cocaine rage' and the 'cocaine violence' which all nicely segue nicely together when all of a sudden out the blue he thinks he saw you chatting to another bloke in the bar and three hours later you're being kicked round a room by a man with super human violence and dead behind the eyes, picking up objects to batter you to death with.

Show quote history

Crikey is this from experience? What a shit!!

DifferentUserName12 · 03/12/2023 19:39

@LittleMissSunshiner when I was younger and took party drugs no dealer aggressively pushed heroin or crack on me. It's not in dealers best interests to get someone who buys expensive coke onto cheap heroin is it?