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Original poster

New partner's coke use

177 replies

blueandpinkbubbles · 01/12/2023 23:34

I'm in a fairly new relationship and he has just told me he does coke every weekend. This was always a deal breaker for me before, but in every other way we are very compatible.

He has used for 4 years and when I asked if he wants to stop he said sometimes. I'm unsure where to go from here. Is it inevitable that it will affect our relationship?

OP posts:
category12 · 02/12/2023 07:26

Regular drug use is not a small drawback to be overlooked.

It's not like oh he's got brown hair and I always thought I fancied blonde men more.

It's not oh he's a vegetarian and I'm an omnivore.

It's not a he likes the toilet roll this way up and I like it the other way round.

He's a coke head.

Don't be so quick to drop your own boundaries for someone. What else won't you also drop, if so?

spottydinosaur · 02/12/2023 07:27

Please bin him.

It was a deal breaker for my friend but he said he wanted to stop using & she believed him.

4 years later he's still using, so is she, plus harder drugs too.

All as she's ever wanted is to settle down & have a baby. I'm so sad for her

User43219 · 02/12/2023 07:34

I was a massive party girl, even now I have the odd blowout in the right circumstances, but I've not done coke for almost a year and can happily go without (same with alcohol). What puts me off is the wasted money and wasted weekends, not being able to sleep (I'm peri-menopausal so struggle as it is) then just spending the day on the sofa when I could be out doing something.

If you've a fully functioning adult saying he does it every weekend and he's middle-aged I'd think he has a problem.

MilkChocolateCookie · 02/12/2023 07:34

Every weekend is definitely a deal breaker. I can see how if it was occasional use you might give him a chance. But every weekend means that he is an addict and it will affect every part of your relationship.

Lovelycupofcoffee · 02/12/2023 07:37

Run for the hills . My ex was a part timer user and he made my life hell. Life is way too short .

cheezncrackers · 02/12/2023 07:42

There is a very good reason why some people are single OP. You've just found out the reason your new guy was.

I'd end it right now. No way would I want to be with a coke head.

StopStartStop · 02/12/2023 07:44

Why would anyone want that? Run.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 02/12/2023 07:52

Rare to get a totally unanimous response, OP. If he’s been using on the regular for 4 years it’s already an out-of-control habit and he’s probably minimising the true extent of it.

I don’t think you’ll find anyone who’ll make excuses for this bloke or give you encouragement to carry on with him, although I t’s obvious from your post that’s what you’re looking for, because it turns out your ‘dealbreaker’ is not actually a dealbreaker, is it?

Honestly, cut your losses and get out before you catch real feelings for him - it won’t end well.

Howbizzare22 · 02/12/2023 08:03

Extremely expensive habit. Extremely addictive habit. Wrecks lives. Illegal. I’m not trying to be all holy here just stating facts, and it’s not like he’s using it occasionally- it’s every single weekend. This will be a disaster OP. I hear the disappointment in your post as you like him and it’s so hard to meet people you connect with these days but this does not mean you should settle for something you know is a deal breaker for you- think about all the reasons why. All that money could be spent on lovely weekends away or meals out or something worthwhile but he’s choosing to sniff it all up his nose and don’t think for a minute he will stop.

SpringleDingle · 02/12/2023 08:06

It’s only a boundary if you are willing to enforce it, otherwise it is a preference. They only coke a functional adult should be ingesting comes in a red or silver can. Don’t be an idiot, dump the druggie!

SeatonCarew · 02/12/2023 08:06

Get Rid.

ALightOverThere · 02/12/2023 08:11

This is no good- a middle aged man doing coke every weekend has a problem and the fact he’s telling you about means it’s a big part of his life. Leaving aside the perils of addiction, coke turns people into boring arseholes. I’d end the relationship.

Nicole1111 · 02/12/2023 08:14

Yes it is inevitable

User135644 · 02/12/2023 08:22

He's funding organised crime, how vile. Dump and inform the police.

JudyGemstone · 02/12/2023 08:22

I’m also fairly tolerant towards drugs and don’t mind partaking of psychedelics or mdma occasionally but coke is a wankers drug, it has a negative energy around it that i really dislike and yes it turns people into boring self obsessed dullards.

Practically speaking, every weekend is a lot, when would you get to spend time with him if he’s either out doing coke (and drinking, the drinking is a big part of it often) or hanging out of his arse the next day.

he needs to stick to dating other coke enthusiasts really, you’re not compatible.

Crumblecakes · 02/12/2023 08:23

Take it from someone who lost a loved one at a young age from a coke overdose. Leave now don’t put yourself through the heartache. It ruins lives

Hellzbellz25 · 02/12/2023 08:24

Ewwwwww disgusting, seriously higher your standards!!!

gannett · 02/12/2023 08:34

DifferentUserName12 · 02/12/2023 02:21

Every weekend is a lot op. And I say this as a former massive party girl who's not adverse to the odd line now and again in the right circumstances. Every weekend quickly turns into just a bit on the odd Thursday. Then our every Thursday and every weekend. Then he's doing it more days than he isn't. I don't think you should consider a relationship with this guy unless you're OK with this.

Same, and echoing this too. Having to do drugs every weekend indicates an unhealthy dependency on them.

In my party circles you ended up being able to distinguish those who were dependent/grew addicted to drugs, and those who were just hedonists and could live without drugs.

And regardless of this, if any sort of drug use is a dealbreaker for you, then you are not compatible with a drug user. You are only compatible with someone if you're OK with them entirely as they are.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/12/2023 08:35

A few times a year wouldn’t bother me

every weekend is a worry

that’s a heavy use and spend and is maybe more ….

Baffledandalarmed · 02/12/2023 08:36

ToThineOwnSelf · 01/12/2023 23:36

If this is a dealbreaker for you then you aren’t compatible after all.

It will definitely affect your relationship, speaking from experience.

This. He’s not going to stop and drugs will always be his number one priority.

dangerrabbit · 02/12/2023 08:36

Why are you with this loser?

GuitarGeorgina · 02/12/2023 08:39

Run for the hills

even occasional use would be a huge turn off for me

Hibernatalie · 02/12/2023 08:43

How old are you both? Do you have kids?

InSpainTheRain · 02/12/2023 08:46

That would be a deal breakers for me. You need to dump and run. Sorry OP but I see a lot of pain and drama ahead as he will keep using, especially if he's been doing it 4 years.

Maddy70 · 02/12/2023 08:47

If its a deal breaker you have your answer

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