Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New partner's coke use

177 replies

blueandpinkbubbles · 01/12/2023 23:34

I'm in a fairly new relationship and he has just told me he does coke every weekend. This was always a deal breaker for me before, but in every other way we are very compatible.

He has used for 4 years and when I asked if he wants to stop he said sometimes. I'm unsure where to go from here. Is it inevitable that it will affect our relationship?

OP posts:
RainbowZebraWarrior · 05/12/2023 08:25

ZekeZeke · 04/12/2023 17:49

Gosh you have really let your standards slide to rock bottom.
This person can't add anything positive to your life.

Ask yourself rhis question and answer honestly, would you be happy if your own son or daughter was in a relationship with a drug user?

That's always the best question to ask yourself, OP

I once went out with a 'casual weekend coke user' he was supposed to come round one Friday night and never materialised. On the Monday, I got a text saying he'd gotten involved with a mate who had turned up with some gear and fell off the wagon. In his mind, because he didn't instigate it, it wasn't his fault (poor me, I was helpless to resist) I remember asking why he couldn't at least have let me know. The answer being 1. He was a selfish prick and 2. He used to turn his phone off as he knew he was in the wrong, so didn't want to be called out by any text messages as it would piss on his fun.

I remember telling a male friend about this guy going AWOL on me and the friend said "He either thought about letting you know, then didn't, or you never crossed his mind at all" That's all it took for me to get rid. What's the saying, When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

OhHowTheDogsStackUp · 05/12/2023 12:24

RainbowZebraWarrior · 05/12/2023 08:25

That's always the best question to ask yourself, OP

I once went out with a 'casual weekend coke user' he was supposed to come round one Friday night and never materialised. On the Monday, I got a text saying he'd gotten involved with a mate who had turned up with some gear and fell off the wagon. In his mind, because he didn't instigate it, it wasn't his fault (poor me, I was helpless to resist) I remember asking why he couldn't at least have let me know. The answer being 1. He was a selfish prick and 2. He used to turn his phone off as he knew he was in the wrong, so didn't want to be called out by any text messages as it would piss on his fun.

I remember telling a male friend about this guy going AWOL on me and the friend said "He either thought about letting you know, then didn't, or you never crossed his mind at all" That's all it took for me to get rid. What's the saying, When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Show quote history

The one I was dating, I could never work out why his friends seemed to be so against our relationship and be so cold with me whenever I met them. He'd socialise with them a lot so I'd see them quite frequently. I was always baffled and hurt on these occasions because they'd be borderline rude towards me.

I found out later that he'd been telling them I was nagging him to come home early when he was on nights out with them and that I'd cause a massive scene if he didn't.

That wasn't true at all. It made no odds to me what time he came home as we didn't live together. He'd been throwing me under the bus so he had an excuse to sneak off and take cocaine on his own.

Thank goodness we're away from that crap now!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page