I think he's a fuckboy

[Worriedsick78]

So, I was on a very rare night out on Saturday. My friend was running an event and I went with my little one. I'm a single mum so I don't get out at all. I have no family nearby to babysit etc.
Anyway, this bloke, 10 years younger than me, kept smiling at me. I thought maybe he recognised me from somewhere and so smiled back. He was sitting at another table. He then left with his friends - one of whom I knew a little and had had a brief chat with that night.
About an hour after he left, he sent a FB friend request saying he hoped I didn't mind but he'd asked his friend who I was and would like to take me out. He thought I had a really amazing persona and stunning eyes. We chatted for a while on Messenger. We have friends in common. We live in the middle of nowhere. Everyone knows everyone. I'd not seen him before though.
This guy is hot. Totally out of my league. I mean totally. He's ten years younger, fit, gorgeous Viking type. I'm very very overweight, but with a pretty face. But fat fat. And in my mid forties.
So, we went for coffee yesterday. In the afternoon. We're both freelance. He was very chatty. We had a good laugh. He was flirty. We talked for a couple of hours. We had a snog at the end like a couple of teenagers.
But, I can't shake the feeling that he likes his women. He's very confident and sexy. But we just don't look right together. I'm wondering whether he's just fucking around. I reckon he is. I just don't know whether I'm brave enough to go for it, knowing that he's probably just after a shag. I mean, part of me wants to know what it's like to shag someone that hot. Or am I just setting myself up for a dose of pain? He's carried on sending messages all day today. He wants to meet again on Thursday. He said he'd be passing through my village on the way home from work and tomorrow and if I could just see him for five minutes, it would make his day. He's a fuck boy, isn't he?

Possibly not if he genuinely wants to just pop in and see you. No opportunity for a shag then is there?
Play it cool and see if he asks you out again?

He’s a fuck boy!
But there’s nothing wrong with enjoying it for what it is! Go and have a few coffees etc… you don’t have to take it any further if you don’t want to

Hmm. Shag and be wary, I'd say.
Shag because it might be fun, and why not?
Be wary because some men are unprincipled creeps and will get with a woman to access her children, or to take up cocklodger residence in her home. Keep it on your terms.

I came on here ready to say yes he's a fuckboy, because let's face it they usually are. But actually I'm not seeing any evidence of fuckboy behaviour from your post. Are you basing this purely on thinking he's too good for you and so he must be a fuckboy to be showing interest? If so, have a word with yourself! You have more to give than just the way you perceive that you look or should look. It sounds like you are lacking confidence. Try being cautiously optimistic.

Take him done from the young, hot pedestal you've put him on first!

He may or may not be a fuckboy. Nothing in your message says do but in person and gut instinct usually spots this so you probably aren't wrong.

Also, shouldn't take you long to find out if you know loads of people in common.

Finally, depends what you are after.

I'm afraid I would trust my instinct here, and keep away from him

Can you gently probe your mutual friends?

You mention your weight and age, and say "we don't look right together".

I think you need to think hard about whether a) you aren't actually attracted to him (but just think you "should" be because he is younger and conventionally attractive); b) if you are picking up on something else (always listen to your gut); or c) just feel self conscious about your appearance.

Because if it's weight and age, I used to work in an industry where...men approach women for sex and I can tell you that the 40s-60s, larger ladies were EXTREMELY popular. Given a choice between a 25 year old model type, and an older woman with an unconventionally hot figure, a large proportion will choose the latter. It's not a cliche, it's reality.

That doesn't mean he isn't a fuckboy, but don't assume he doesn't find you genuinely smoking hot.

I wasn't really after anything. I was quite happy to just carry on being me and DD until she's older. I've been hurt too much in the past and feel over it. But I thought, well, this has come my way out of the blue, why not just see what happens? I asked a friend about him. She said he's never been good at commitment and has had a few girlfriends, but that I should probably just enjoy myself.
I don't know if I'm the friends with benefits type. I like the idea of being someone who could be a bit wilder. But I'm too sensitive. I know myself. Maybe I should step out of my comfort zone though, as long as my eyes are wide open. Maybe he could help boost my confidence a bit. He said I'm funny and really great company. Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'll try not to overthink it.

@FineWordsForAPorcupine I honestly find him very attractive. I think it's a lack of self-confidence. My gut is telling me he's a ladies' man though.

I don't think there's any harm in taking an opportunity when it presents itself. I dated younger chaps when newly single in my forties and it really boosted my confidence.

Just don't get emotionally involved. He's v unlikely to be a long term partner or anything serious. Recognise it for what it is... a bit of fun.

“She said he's never been good at commitment and has had a few girlfriends, but that I should probably just enjoy myself.”
Likely a bit of fun, which is fine but watch you don’t get too involved and get hurt.

I've never done "just a bit of fun" though. So, maybe that's what I need. I always want them to fall in love with me. In the longterm, I mean. I don't expect them to fell in love with me on the first date. but dating for me was always with the aim of finding a partner. I've never done casual.

Then don’t, you’ll get hurt. Just enjoy the chase!

Good lord splutters

Life is hard, work, bills, kids - just have some fun. Enjoy him flattering you and if he is using you for sex just use him back. Don't overthink it enjoy being a teenager again if thats what you are okay with its Christmas be spontaneous but don't go looking for a relationship just yet

You sound like you know yourself pretty well, and "casual" isn't something everyone is (or should be) into.

But it also sounds like you are happy with your life, have a good circle of friends and aren't desperately looking for someone to make your life complete or anything. (NB: these are very attractive qualities.)

I don't want to talk you into a fling with this hot young viking or anything, and I think you should listen to your gut feelings. I suppose ask yourself "if we had sex and he didn't call me after, would I feel sad for a bit, then be OK" or "I would feel hollow and depressed, and wish I hadn't done it"?

suppose ask yourself "if we had sex and he didn't call me after, would I feel sad for a bit, then be OK" or "I would feel hollow and depressed, and wish I hadn't done it"?

and wear a Sexy Viking lady dress when you next see him 😂

DH has a friend who is very conventionally good looking. His partner is obese and not at all conventionally good looking. They do look a bit odd together because socially we are not used to seeing good looking men with obese, unkempt women. He adores her. Totally adores her. He gets this puppyish look when she walks in the room.

And another woman I know, who is also obese and not conventionally pretty has a doting, gorgeous Viking type (older than her so not your Viking!)

In the media, men only go for size 6 pretty girls. In real life all sorts of men go for all sorts of women and vice versa. If you like him, go on a date and see how you feel afterwards. If he starts asking for money or being a sponge in other ways, you can always break up.

...also, sometimes a ladies man can be very good company. Some of them are motivated by conquest, misogyny and self-aggrandisment, but some just...really like the company of women, find them attractive and like sex.

Bascially is he a Don Juan (bad) or a Cassanova (good)?

I have a friend who is a total ladies man, but also he likes women, treats them well, enjoys hanging out with them and has many good female friends. He would always rather spend time with a woman than a man, whether that is romantic or platonic.

I say give him a chance. My fiance is much younger and better looking than me. I'm 40 and fat fat - god knows why he loves me but he does. I daresay we look weird together but he's not bothered and neither am I.
At worst, you'll get some hopefully excellent sex, at best you might have met someone really special. But it would be such a shame not to see....

F

If your suspicions are right then he will keep up all this effort until you sleep with him and then you won't hear from him again. How would you feel then?

Maybe, have you thought that maybe you're not "fat fat" or however you've phrased it in your own head?

Maybe you're one hot mama. Deserving of attention and affection from a sex-Viking man ?

Just a thought. You've been a bit hard on yourself in your OP.

@Worriedsick78 Are you ok with it if it turns out as a bit of mutual fun as the worst case scenario but which you both enjoy? If there any embarrassment to be had in relation to the mutual friendship circle?

Maybe a bit of no strings sex with someone that you are attracted to isn't a bad thing and may work out better?