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Original poster

I think he's a fuckboy

186 replies

Worriedsick78 · 28/11/2023 21:06

So, I was on a very rare night out on Saturday. My friend was running an event and I went with my little one. I'm a single mum so I don't get out at all. I have no family nearby to babysit etc.
Anyway, this bloke, 10 years younger than me, kept smiling at me. I thought maybe he recognised me from somewhere and so smiled back. He was sitting at another table. He then left with his friends - one of whom I knew a little and had had a brief chat with that night.
About an hour after he left, he sent a FB friend request saying he hoped I didn't mind but he'd asked his friend who I was and would like to take me out. He thought I had a really amazing persona and stunning eyes. We chatted for a while on Messenger. We have friends in common. We live in the middle of nowhere. Everyone knows everyone. I'd not seen him before though.
This guy is hot. Totally out of my league. I mean totally. He's ten years younger, fit, gorgeous Viking type. I'm very very overweight, but with a pretty face. But fat fat. And in my mid forties.
So, we went for coffee yesterday. In the afternoon. We're both freelance. He was very chatty. We had a good laugh. He was flirty. We talked for a couple of hours. We had a snog at the end like a couple of teenagers.
But, I can't shake the feeling that he likes his women. He's very confident and sexy. But we just don't look right together. I'm wondering whether he's just fucking around. I reckon he is. I just don't know whether I'm brave enough to go for it, knowing that he's probably just after a shag. I mean, part of me wants to know what it's like to shag someone that hot. Or am I just setting myself up for a dose of pain? He's carried on sending messages all day today. He wants to meet again on Thursday. He said he'd be passing through my village on the way home from work and tomorrow and if I could just see him for five minutes, it would make his day. He's a fuck boy, isn't he?

OP posts:
B1rd · 28/11/2023 23:23

Ignore, you are so much better than this. You need to remember that you are an independent woman...never forget that!

Pinkbonbon · 28/11/2023 23:28

He's looking for a shag or a few shags.

If you want that go for it. But it's not going to be a relationship. He's told you that. In about 4 different, round about ways tbf. But they all mean 'I do not want a relationship with you'.

He clearly finds you attractive though so there's that! Bit it's not about who you are as a person (Even though I'm sure youre great).

The thing is with flings though...often they are not bothered about your pleasure. So...the good part is the snogging and getting to see them shirtless...and then it's often just pound town and regret xD

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/11/2023 23:29

Unmoved38 · 28/11/2023 22:57

Imagine how regretful you're going to be in 10 or 20 years time if you don't act on this. Go for it.

And how shit she's gonna feel next week if she does.

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/11/2023 23:30

BeigeChair · 28/11/2023 22:39

I need to know what the definition of a “fuckboy” is, but I really don’t want to google!! Someone help me out!

Also Op, I say go for it, as long as a PP said if you had sex and then he ghosted you you will fee a bit sad but glad you did it or broken in a heap for weeks.

It's someone who will tell you what you need to hear in order to get you into bed. Then they will dump you.

Original poster
Worriedsick78 · 28/11/2023 23:30

Yeah, he texted today. Chit chatty. How was your day, jokey chats. A few pictures of something he'd done at work. Then this evening there was the topless Viking photo in bed and suggestions of me joining him and him asking me what I wore to bed. I told him I haven't lived with a man for 9 years and I wear fluffy pjs in this weather. He laughed and said some more stuff about wanting to kiss me all over. So, it's not got to full-on sex talk, but it's getting there. But I don't know how things go these days! I'm out of the game. I would say it's 80% normal talk, 20% suggestive/cheeky/flirty. But I've flirted back as well. Not overtly, but I mean I've said a few things. Maybe I need to lighten up.

OP posts:
Real1971 · 28/11/2023 23:33

Hi I was a fuckboy many moons ago and had much fun with older ladies
TBH always preferred older but anyway ..
Have fun with him don't catch emotions and enjoy yourself!!
You only live once and if no one is getting hurt ...
Hope it goes well 😍

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/11/2023 23:38

So this guy saw you once, and smiled at you, looked you up and now he is sending you sexual messages? You know this is going to end in your tears don't you?

Nicole1111 · 28/11/2023 23:40

If you don’t want to risk being used I wouldn’t pursue something with someone who is talking about kissing me all over after 1 date. That said if you can handle the possibility that he will disappear after a shag and take the experience for what it is and enjoy it then go for it.

porridgeisbae · 28/11/2023 23:43

He is now revealing the fact that he is in fact an Fboy. Shame that. I like to think I would block him OP but I know it's tempting if someone's attractive.

taylorswift1989 · 28/11/2023 23:43

Okay so he's made it clear he's looking for sex.

If you want sex with him and you think you won't catch feelings then go for it.

I suggest telling him what you want sexually. A lot of men prefer older women because they want a bit of sexual guidance. So use the opportunity to let him know what you'd enjoy sexually. Tell him you don't want a ONS but you might be up for a short term fling. But only if you're sexually compatible and the sex is amazing.

See if he rises to the occasion. So to speak ;)

Pumpkindoodles · 28/11/2023 23:44

Maybe he is maybe he isn’t
the real issue is that your self esteem is so low. You’ve put this possible fuckboy, who couldn’t even speak to you in person at the same event, on a pedestal, because you feel so bad. That means you can’t be sure if he’s a fuck boy or if you just feel like you don’t deserve him. And if he turns out to be a fuck boy it’s going to confirm your suspicions about you not being good enough for him, which isnt true or helpful.
Work on your self esteem

toomanyleggings · 28/11/2023 23:44

He’s just after sex. He won’t be seen for dust afterwards. If you’re ok with that go for it but your posts suggest you won’t be. You’ll probably just feel used.

shininglight16 · 28/11/2023 23:48

Worriedsick78 · 28/11/2023 23:30

Yeah, he texted today. Chit chatty. How was your day, jokey chats. A few pictures of something he'd done at work. Then this evening there was the topless Viking photo in bed and suggestions of me joining him and him asking me what I wore to bed. I told him I haven't lived with a man for 9 years and I wear fluffy pjs in this weather. He laughed and said some more stuff about wanting to kiss me all over. So, it's not got to full-on sex talk, but it's getting there. But I don't know how things go these days! I'm out of the game. I would say it's 80% normal talk, 20% suggestive/cheeky/flirty. But I've flirted back as well. Not overtly, but I mean I've said a few things. Maybe I need to lighten up.

OP you're the best judge here. I've never gone for anything casual so a fuckboy would be a big NO NO for me. You know yourself best, as tempting as this may seem, have you thought of how you'll cope with the emotions and the pain if you two have sex and he disappears after that?

Think through carefully, if you're strong enough and ok with some casual fun then go ahead, if not, steer clear. Do not end up hurting yourself in the long run just for some casual temporary fun.

SwordToFlamethrower · 29/11/2023 00:34

Ask him what he's looking for. Casual sex or something long term?

Just ask!!

porridgeisbae · 29/11/2023 00:36

Just ask!!

They've been known to lie.

What they're after/their character can sometimes be guaged by how quickly they go on about sexual stuff- like this one.

silverxylophone · 29/11/2023 00:38

Mid-forties? Pretty soon the only men making a pass at you will be silverhaired (and married). I say, give this Viking a chance. He may turn out to be devoted to you and the love of your life. If not, you are surely able to carry on with your life..

Sashya · 29/11/2023 00:48

OP - I think you are doing well, scary as it is for you.

I think your main issue is that you can't trust that he likes you for you. Because of the way you look and being older.

Both of you have kids. Both seem to not want a proper relationship. What he said is no different from what you said, BTW.
You said you'd not want to bring a man into your child's life, not live with anyone until your child is older, etc - so essentially what you say you can only have an arms length relationship. He just expressed it in different words.

So - you have similar lives of single parenthood. He clearly finds you attractive. And you like the look of him.
Just let yourself see what comes out of it. You are not an impressionable teen. You aren't going to do anything you don't want to do.
As long as you just listen to yourself and follow your needs and wants - no one can "use" you.
And - btw - it's OK to want to have sex with a hot guy. Nothing at all wring with it.

Whether it becomes nothing or something - no one knows. There are no guarantees when you meet someone. No matter what they tell you at the beginning. People meet; get to know each other; things go somewhere or not.

So - just keep your eyes open and listen to yourself. And it'll be fine.

EmmaEmerald · 29/11/2023 00:49

Unmoved38 · 28/11/2023 22:57

Imagine how regretful you're going to be in 10 or 20 years time if you don't act on this. Go for it.

I would guess OP would forget it ever happened? I was single for years before this summer, I don't remember strangers who asked me out in those years.

OP what's "fat fat"? I dated a man half my age this summer. I'm fat. But we knew each other for a while before, so it was different. I broke it off as I'm not relationship inclined, but we seem to still message "I love you" quite often.

In my eyes, 10 years is nothing. I don't have kids though so nothing to worry about there, my main concern was money.

But I can't have sex with someone just for lust, maybe you're the same. Only you know the answers.

Gowlett · 29/11/2023 00:50

Sex-Viking. I’m liking it. What could go wrong?
Could you handle seeing him around post-shag?
He will probably only stick around a short while.

Ger1atricMillennial · 29/11/2023 00:55

You deserve to have some fun with someone you find hot and is clearly attracted to you!!!

If you are in the situation where you are checking your phone for a reply, only send messages at a time where you have something else to focus on or set a timer for an hour or 90mins before you look again. If it's too much go for a walk!

Sashya · 29/11/2023 00:58

and - DO NOT - Just Ask - what a silly and naïve suggestion

You didn't meet on a dating site. You met in real life, which it sort of rare these days. Neither of you were "looking for anything" in particular.
Neither of you can articulate too well what you want.

And - what people want is really dependent on the person you meet.

It's different when women in early-mid 30s date - for eg. At that time - there is a clear purpose to dating - "find a partner to have kids with before biological clock runs out" - of course this is not how we phrase it, but essentially it is that.
But after we have our kids - it all becomes more blurred.

And for men who have kids already, and who don't have a ticking clock - that question does not make much sense anyway. As what they WANT is really dependent on the person they meet.

momonpurpose · 29/11/2023 01:02

Maybe he is and maybe he isn't. Give yourself the chance to enjoy it either way

Dery · 29/11/2023 01:17

Absolutely no point just asking - first of all it would be massively premature to ask if he wants a relationship because you don’t know each other. Second of all - most men at this stage and in his position will tell you want they think is most likely to get you into bed.

As some PP have said - the best test here is how will you feel if you have a night or two of fun and then you never hear from him again? If you don’t think you’ll be too bothered, then go for it. Condoms all the way, of course.

Burntouted · 29/11/2023 01:50

I think subconsciously you know that this type of dynamic isn't for you. If causal isn't really for you, don't do it.

If you know you're prone to catching feelings easily, don't do it.

It doesn't matter how attractive he is, and how you feel this may be a once in a lifetime opportunity...

If you feel like this is leading to you being used, discarded, feeling badly about yourself more, and sadness...

Don't.

Feels like you're trying to force yourself to be into this, but you're really not.

retinolalcohol · 29/11/2023 01:57

Yes he just wants sex.

And if you're having to convince yourself into giving casual a 'go', I don't think it's for you. I know because I've been that person, who never ever ever did casual but forced my own head around it cos someone was attractive. Afterwards I only felt used and small. It can be empowering for some people & others (like me) the opposite. It wouldn't matter now if Jason momoa laid himself bare in front of me - there'd be no temptation what so ever because it just isn't me, and any amount of pleasure I felt during was far outweighed by how shit I felt after.

If that resonates at all with you just give him a miss, so you don't open yourself up for a heartache. He's basically told you in not so many words that it'll never be anything more- the 'but I don't know'/'we'll see what happens' vibe is to soften the blow.

If I'm completely off the mark, go for it! You only live once and all that