I think he's a fuckboy

[Worriedsick78]

So, I was on a very rare night out on Saturday. My friend was running an event and I went with my little one. I'm a single mum so I don't get out at all. I have no family nearby to babysit etc.
Anyway, this bloke, 10 years younger than me, kept smiling at me. I thought maybe he recognised me from somewhere and so smiled back. He was sitting at another table. He then left with his friends - one of whom I knew a little and had had a brief chat with that night.
About an hour after he left, he sent a FB friend request saying he hoped I didn't mind but he'd asked his friend who I was and would like to take me out. He thought I had a really amazing persona and stunning eyes. We chatted for a while on Messenger. We have friends in common. We live in the middle of nowhere. Everyone knows everyone. I'd not seen him before though.
This guy is hot. Totally out of my league. I mean totally. He's ten years younger, fit, gorgeous Viking type. I'm very very overweight, but with a pretty face. But fat fat. And in my mid forties.
So, we went for coffee yesterday. In the afternoon. We're both freelance. He was very chatty. We had a good laugh. He was flirty. We talked for a couple of hours. We had a snog at the end like a couple of teenagers.
But, I can't shake the feeling that he likes his women. He's very confident and sexy. But we just don't look right together. I'm wondering whether he's just fucking around. I reckon he is. I just don't know whether I'm brave enough to go for it, knowing that he's probably just after a shag. I mean, part of me wants to know what it's like to shag someone that hot. Or am I just setting myself up for a dose of pain? He's carried on sending messages all day today. He wants to meet again on Thursday. He said he'd be passing through my village on the way home from work and tomorrow and if I could just see him for five minutes, it would make his day. He's a fuck boy, isn't he?

I got a message saying "Sorry, I had a really awful, frustrating, and mentally exhausting day at work yesterday. How are you doing?"

I just said, "Oh, that's a shame. Hope you feel better soon."

I think I'll leave it at that. If he pursues it, I might treat myself to a Christmas shag, but I know it's never going to be any more than that. I don't need any complications in my life. I'll have another crack at it next year on the dating sites, but I can't be doing with it all at the moment.

Thank you all for being so kind with me!

You barely know him and he barely knows you! You could go with the "have a bit of fun" but you have said you are not that kind of person so why bring grief onto yourself? ( because it will be grief) He sounds like he is love bombing you and that he is after a shag only, sorry.

You're right. I think he's only after a shag, but I get that now. So, I reckon I can give it a go. It's been a while!

This is what you want to find out over the grapevine. Is he good company and great in bed? In which case I suppose "fling, and dump if you catch him up to no good" is one possibility. A sceptical sense of self preservation is always good though!

But if he's all looks and no heart and selfish in bed then meh.

I worked with a bloke like Porcupine described - very friendly and good natured, got on with everyone, just, well, a bit forgetful of things like he already had a girlfriend . No malice in him, but..

As much as I'd probably still go for it...my instincts say that men who make everything such hard work, seldom bring anything but stress and agro. You go think it'll just be a bit of fun. And they find a way to make it a drama.

It's seldom just about sex. It's about their ego. And when it's about that, they need to 'win' somehow.

There's always a twist.

Go for it! I mean, he actually sounds quite nice. I don't think he's a fuckboy (that implies narcissism and unkindness.) He sounds like he's after a casual fling and like he would probably be quite fun.

But honestly, I would talk to him about it first. Get a sense of whether he's overall kind and considerate. Find out what he's into sexually. And then decide if you think it would be fun.

He fancies you - whether you're fat or not, the viking wants a piece of you, lol. Believe in yourself, sweetie, don't put yourself down. I've never had a one night stand, it's not my thing, but who can say that's all you and the viking are going to have? You don't have to sleep with him on the first date, the second or third .... or the tenth - you can choose you know 🙂! Go on dates with him, enjoy, and when (and if!) you're ready to take it further, well .... take it further. He might be your soul mate .... he might move on, but you won't know if you don't try!
Keep us updated ... and I wish you lots of luck, he sounds gorgeous!

I've not read all PPs, just OPs and a few more but sorry to say he sounds boring to me!

Not to say he is a bad guy necessarily and I'm sure finds you very attractive (you sound amazing).

However it sounds like such a routine for him: daring approach, compliment, compliment, compliment, ask to stop by instead of arranging a date, topless pic sex talk, CBA to talk when you rebuff him coming over, try and rekindle conversation dropping in the word 'frustration' so you offer a massage or something.

This is the bit he really enjoys. Not whatever comes after. Sex and the pursuit thereof is his priority at the minute, that is fine but if you're in any state of mind other than also just wanting a simple no strings shag yourself with zero complicated thoughts I would save the brain space.

Honestly? I think a bit of uncomplicated sex may not be a bad thing but I think you feel a bit wrong footed by this bloke's well rehearsed patter and your gut feeling is right.

You sound ace OP!!!

I've read the whole thread and I'm confused why you're overthinking this so much.

A guy you find attractive asked you out, you've had a bit of chat and he's keen to see you even if only for a quick hello outside your house. Yet you're second guessing his motivations and what he wants from you. Thinking he's "stroppy" because he only sent you one message.

You say you don't know how to play "the game". Teenagers play games. You're a grown woman. If you're interested in him, go on a date. It's that simple.

He might well be a fuck boy. Or not. The only way to find out is to spend some time with him. Why not just take the opportunity to get to know another human being before deciding if you want to see him again or sleep with him? Trying to analyse someone's personality from a few text messages is nuts.

Hello - I am glad to see this thread at the top again - all through everyone's responses, I've been like, 'whaaat??' The guy fancies you and wants to spend time getting to know you but you have immediately written him off as purely a sexual interest. I don't buy that. And so what if he is sexually interested in you? That's a good thing!

I'd start warming up if I were you - say yes to meeting him, then get all dressed up and go out and have an amazing time. Yes it is a risk - high risk, high reward. But the risk doesn't mean we don't try it surely?

The older I get the more I realise not every man is good at sex, not every man is interested in it, not every man is going to fancy me personally, and I miss sex and like it and when I get a nice opportunity like this, I think they don't grow on trees. I'd be arranging to see him. I hope you do. Just because he is hot doesn't mean he is a bad guy. You are hot too.

I agree with most of this. About 50% of all the problems I see in this forum could be solved by actually having a conversation with the other person. Rather than asking strangers on the internet to divine a man's motivations and character from his text messages.

It's like people never got over the teenage angst of 'my mate fancies you' and moved on to actually talking about their desires and emotions with the person they're with, or hope to be with.

If you can't have an honest conversation with someone, how can you possibly feel safe and comfortable to have sex with them? If you can't talk openly with someone then how can you possibly hope to understand what they're looking for? So you don't talk, you make a load of assumptions, and then get upset and hurt when it turns out your assumptions don't reflect reality. Then it's like, why are all men/women like this? And the answer is, they're not. They're just like this with YOU. You're the common denominator here. If all men lie to you and treat you badly, you need to change something so you start attracting honest and kind men instead.

Agree

Sorry to be a wet blanket but men don't generally want meaningful relationships with women 10 yrs older than them.

That's much more the case if they don't have kids of their own yet (does he?).

There are exceptions to every rule but..

Look at the issues 40 plus women on this site have just finding men their own age who are interested in dating them.

When significant younger men are interested in dating older women it's generally for sex and "fun", the milf experience; but not going anywhere. They'll settle with their own age or younger.

So talking about what it could be and what his motivations might be etc etc is fairly futile. He's probably up for a fling, that's all. If op thinks she'd like that and can handle it then great. If not and she doesn't want to feel discarded afterwards, maybe not. Maybe she needs to focus on expansion her relationship opportunities instead.

I remember meeting this girl who was a larger lady (this was also like 25 years ago) and she was beautiful but the thing that shone on top of everything was her confidence. She had groups of guys round her all the time because her confidence was so so beautiful!!! It really shone!!!! I remember after that being confident and even if you don’t feel it ‘fake it till you make it baby!!’

don’t put yourself down. Men love confident women regardless of their size.

He very likely is. But I’d embrace the opportunity nonetheless

Well, he sent me a photo of himself in the bath tonight. I'm now thinking he's a proper bellend. But I might treat myself for my birthday! I think I could actually shag this one without worrying about anything because I don't think he'd be the best partner anyway. But it might be fun for my DD to stay overnight with my best friend and for me to go and have a few drinks and a Viking experience. I don't think I'll get hurt with this one. I only tend to get hurt by partners who aren't considerate of ME - the inside ME. I've had two partners who were just pillocks after months and months of being with them. That hurts because they KNEW me and still did stuff that hurt. The worst that could happen with this one is that he shags me and then ghosts me. But because he doesn't KNOW me, I don't think I'll care.

Go get some !!!
Get wet and get sticky
Enjoy yourself you only live once !
😝

@Worriedsick78

The photo in the bath is screaming out exactly what he wants but from your latest update, fuck it why not. If you are going on with your eyes wide open and knowing it’s no strings then have a bit of fun.

Totally agree the ones that fuck you up are the ones who get under your skin. This one sounds as shallow as a puddle but why not jump in feet first and wave goodbye to a few good memories when it’s done?

Go for it OP life is for living. Enjoy and keep us posted!

What she said ✌🏻☺️

Well if you do, make sure you use condoms.

Young good looking blokes who are not backwards in coming forwards, and are sending "sexy" pics immediately; tend to get around.

You don't want a nasty souvenir from the experience.

Hmmmm.

I can read your post in different ways. On the one hand, nothing in your post shouts fuckboy. A good looking guy is chasing you, and you say you are fat, that’s all the facts we have. Maybe you aren’t as fat as you think, or maybe big ladies turn him on, or maybe he’s hot to you but not to everyone, or maybe he fancies a shag and you’re the only lady in the village he hasn’t had yet. I dunno.

But what I do get from your post is that a stranger came on to you in a pub, then messaged you out of the blue, and is now enthusiastically pursuing you, but that you aren’t actually looking for either a relationship or casual sex right now.

If this fellow is complicating your life, feel free to just say no. If he’s better looking than you and fancies a shag, that doesn’t mean you have to do it. If you want sex and can cope with lack of love / rejection, go for it. If you don’t particularly want casual sex then feel free to just drop this guy.

Tbf the worst he could do certainly isn't to ghost.

For example, in uni a girl in our uni dorms had a one night stand and afterwords - he stole our kettle.

Or they could act in a way after sex that makes you feel bad. Leaves you wondering if you did something wrong.

Or the sex itself could be very him him him.
Or he could obviously avoid parts of your body or over focus on parts, making you feel uncomfortable or unattractive.

I think we expect sex to be fun. We're told it should be fun. But let's be honest one night stands are at best, hit and miss. And if he's a jerk then you've potentially got issues like the above to deal with.

What should be enjoyable can leave us feeling shit. Even if we went in thinking we'd just enjoy it for what it is. Some men do not want you to mutually enjoy it because it makes them feel used. So they have to 'win' by leaving you worse off.

Hopefully he's not one of those sort but just beware that those sort exist.