I think he's a fuckboy

[Worriedsick78]

So, I was on a very rare night out on Saturday. My friend was running an event and I went with my little one. I'm a single mum so I don't get out at all. I have no family nearby to babysit etc.
Anyway, this bloke, 10 years younger than me, kept smiling at me. I thought maybe he recognised me from somewhere and so smiled back. He was sitting at another table. He then left with his friends - one of whom I knew a little and had had a brief chat with that night.
About an hour after he left, he sent a FB friend request saying he hoped I didn't mind but he'd asked his friend who I was and would like to take me out. He thought I had a really amazing persona and stunning eyes. We chatted for a while on Messenger. We have friends in common. We live in the middle of nowhere. Everyone knows everyone. I'd not seen him before though.
This guy is hot. Totally out of my league. I mean totally. He's ten years younger, fit, gorgeous Viking type. I'm very very overweight, but with a pretty face. But fat fat. And in my mid forties.
So, we went for coffee yesterday. In the afternoon. We're both freelance. He was very chatty. We had a good laugh. He was flirty. We talked for a couple of hours. We had a snog at the end like a couple of teenagers.
But, I can't shake the feeling that he likes his women. He's very confident and sexy. But we just don't look right together. I'm wondering whether he's just fucking around. I reckon he is. I just don't know whether I'm brave enough to go for it, knowing that he's probably just after a shag. I mean, part of me wants to know what it's like to shag someone that hot. Or am I just setting myself up for a dose of pain? He's carried on sending messages all day today. He wants to meet again on Thursday. He said he'd be passing through my village on the way home from work and tomorrow and if I could just see him for five minutes, it would make his day. He's a fuck boy, isn't he?

Sounds like a dick, he's not worth it OP. Plenty of fish in the sea as they say, better men who wouldn't behave this way. You need someone who respects you, whether it's casual or not.

I actually just wish they would be totally upfront and go 'hey, I'm not looking for a relationship but I'm available for a fumble in the jungle if you'd like'.

Like fuck off with the 'you're an amazing person' fake asked flattery. I don't need you to validate my ego (but I may be happy to validate yours if you're a hottie and any good in the sack lol).

Sure, lots of women don't want just sex. But I'm sure if you're a good looking guy there are plenty who would line up to ring the bell if you just flat up said that was what you wanted, no bull.

A quick date somewhere public first just to establish there's that spark and then you put his name in the little black book and you take it from there.

But alas...so many insist on complicating things. And don't just want to fuck women. They also want to fuck them over.

While there are exceptions to every rule, ime men do not get into relationship with women 10 yrs older than them.

Some will however happily "date" and shag them.

I actually find men, on average, much much more ageist than women re. relationships.

The vast majority would see a decade older woman as a milf experience.
Experience being the optimum word.

This is probably even more the case with a good looking young man, whose above average looks will get him above average opportunities.

So .. it was probably only ever going to be a fling or similar.

You've said (which was v funny) that you would like to know what it's like to shag a guy with looks like that ...... but you've also said lots of other things in this thread that make you sound like you are not one of the (minority in my experience) of women who can have a fling and not catch feelings or get hurt.

It sounds like you would. Therefore you're better to leave it be, if he pops up again, which he may well do if he doesn't have more convenient/imminent sexual prospects at any point.
His disappearance could simply be that he sees women and sex as a sweetie shop (a s his looks gain him lots of "credit" for sweets; youre X type of sweet, he fancies trying that ... But it's not in stock today, what he wants it, do he'll try y or z type of sweet instead. He's not waiting for x to come back into availability, he wants some sweets and others will do. He may check if x is back in stock at some point. It's probably no more emotional or meaningful than that.

Two options:

1. Have loads of sex with this guy and just enjoy it, boost your confidence! Have safe sex though and do not get attached in any way. Expect this to end very quickly.

2. Wait around as you are wanting to have some kind of relationship. Do not have sex. See how it plays out and if he’s just into having sex with loads of people, then he will quickly tire of waiting.

*when he wants it, that should have said.

I agree. Ick.

You started with ‘I think he’s a fuck boy’

you have now confirmed that he definitely IS a fuck boy

whilst it is flattering that someone who’s packaged as an attractive man has showed interest don’t get too carried away

the very fact you bothered to start a thread shows there is a high chance you will get over invested and get hurt

And don't just want to fuck women. They also want to fuck them over

sadly
yes!

Stropiness is a bad sign, I’d run

I think he's trying to love bomb with all of this 'if I can just pop over for two minutes, I just want to see you etc'. You were supposed to respond by being wildly flattered and changing your work plans for him and doing whatever he wants because you're supposed to be so bowled over and like you can't believe your luck. You didn't do that, so he blew cold. He's not a good person. Presumably now you're meant to keep pushing and trying to get his attention and be almost apologetic to get him to warm back up and BAM you've set the tone for a really shitty headfuck relationship. Well done for not falling into his trap OP. The sex probably wouldn't have even been very good if it had this weird undertone going on anyway.

Also, it's not weird or strange to want to fall in love/have a relationship with men you have sex. Women release oxytocin when they orgasm. We are wired to link sex with a level of feeling and commitment no matter how much we try and pretend otherwise. Men don't release oxytocin when they orgasm.

I think I just feel a bit like, "Oh, Jesus. Right balls to them all!" again. Which is what I'd decided 6 months ago. I suppose I felt a tiny bit thrilled to have been pursued. I should also point out that I live in the middle of nowhere in another country. So, it's not as if I have the opportunity to get out there and meet lots of people. My clients tend to be retired. In fact, I assumed this bloke was visiting his parents from UK. The local men are very rural, farmer types. They're married or just not my type. And on the dating site I was on last year, I had to travel 2 hours to meet someone.
It's not a priority in my life right now, but I would like to meet someone point. Nevermind!

not a bet is it?

I'm afraid that was my very first thought as well. Maybe he thought you'd throw yourself at him and now he's seen you're a strong woman who has boundaries and priorities, he's lost interest.
Whatever it is, it sounds like you dodged a bullet there.

Thing is OP, he's one of those sweet talkers who probably practices the same old lines on different women where ever he is and whoever he is with.
I see it all the time where l work, guys flirting with staff, only to have a complete personality change at the weekend when accompanied by wife and kids.
He's showing you who is he and what he wants by the photos
I would reply "Sorry your not my type and full of shit. Thanks anyway"
Because sadly he will be used to women worshipping those Viking looks of his.

What specifically makes you think it’s a bet?

Reading your last update OP I’d say he’s after quick holiday fling to keep him entertained while he’s in a remote place visiting family or whatever.

Don’t write off all men because this young pup wanted a warm bed and a bit of company.

It sounds as though if you want to meet someone you will have to move. I know that sounds tough, but if there literally isn't anyone in the area then what else can you do?

Yeah … sorry, OP, but ick.
when a man sends me a photo of himself , I just find it so weirdly narcissistic. He must think the world of himself, must have been shocked that you didn’t drop absolutely everything to swoon over him.

he’s gross.

would likely be extremely selfish in bed, as well. Been there, done that - the pretty boys are boring AF

Have to agree as soon as a man you barely know sends semi naked photos, he’s telling you exactly what he’s after.
And he’s probably got a selfie gallery he pings out to every woman who crosses his path.

Weve all come across them and it’s not just the younger ones I’ve had men in their 50’s send photos in the bath and one with his naked arse in the mirror 🤦‍♀️

I don't think it's a bet. I don't know who he'd be betting with. I'm not a munter. Plenty of men try it on with me and I'm always being told I'm beautiful. Well, "you've got a beautiful face" is what they say. But more importantly than that, because noone can help what face they were given, I'm not a dick and I don't treat people poorly. I've probably got the biggest arse in Europe though.

Some men love big arses.

And I say that as a skinny arsed person lol.

Anyway, yeah it sounds like he was just up for a fling.

He is considerably younger.

I wouldn't judge anyone else by him, he doesn't represent male humanity and circumstances vary (as above he's v young).

You sound isolated in terms of meeting people. That's not a good thing.

I sent a message saying I couldn't make it on Thursday, but I'd be around at 6 if he wanted to pop over and say hello and that maybe we could have a second date at the weekend or next week instead. I got a "thanks for telling me" and nothing else. In fact, that's the only message he's sent all day. He didn't come over at 6 and hasn't been in touch since. So, I've obviously pushed his nose out of joint. Oh, well!

I don't think it's anything you did as such (if he was really into you, he wouldn't have a problem with you having to work.)

His response indicates to me he has several women he's chatting up at the same time. So if you're not available, he just picks another one to focus on for now. He may also think 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.' He will probably be back at some point to keep you as an iron in the fire.

Sorry it didn't work out but take the positives from the situation. You're pretty isolated right now, but in a different place, plenty of young hot men are going to he interested. You had a fun date and a flirt without anyone getting hurt. And you had a bit of a confidence boost. It's all good - nothing to feel sad or down about.

Sulky response from him. That's a very pathetic Viking.

What a dickhead. A lucky escape OP! He may be back in touch when he has no one else, make sure you don’t go there.