I think he's a fuckboy

[Worriedsick78]

So, I was on a very rare night out on Saturday. My friend was running an event and I went with my little one. I'm a single mum so I don't get out at all. I have no family nearby to babysit etc.
Anyway, this bloke, 10 years younger than me, kept smiling at me. I thought maybe he recognised me from somewhere and so smiled back. He was sitting at another table. He then left with his friends - one of whom I knew a little and had had a brief chat with that night.
About an hour after he left, he sent a FB friend request saying he hoped I didn't mind but he'd asked his friend who I was and would like to take me out. He thought I had a really amazing persona and stunning eyes. We chatted for a while on Messenger. We have friends in common. We live in the middle of nowhere. Everyone knows everyone. I'd not seen him before though.
This guy is hot. Totally out of my league. I mean totally. He's ten years younger, fit, gorgeous Viking type. I'm very very overweight, but with a pretty face. But fat fat. And in my mid forties.
So, we went for coffee yesterday. In the afternoon. We're both freelance. He was very chatty. We had a good laugh. He was flirty. We talked for a couple of hours. We had a snog at the end like a couple of teenagers.
But, I can't shake the feeling that he likes his women. He's very confident and sexy. But we just don't look right together. I'm wondering whether he's just fucking around. I reckon he is. I just don't know whether I'm brave enough to go for it, knowing that he's probably just after a shag. I mean, part of me wants to know what it's like to shag someone that hot. Or am I just setting myself up for a dose of pain? He's carried on sending messages all day today. He wants to meet again on Thursday. He said he'd be passing through my village on the way home from work and tomorrow and if I could just see him for five minutes, it would make his day. He's a fuck boy, isn't he?

Maybe I should just try it. He sent me a topless photo of himself this evening. With all his Viking tattoos. I think I know the way this is going. I should perhaps get a babysitter and have some fun. There aren't many Vikings around here. I'm so out of practice though!

Why do you say you know which way this is going? Do you feel out of control? You do have the right to decide, you don't have to just go along with whatever he wants. And he has sent that photo of himself, he will want a photo of you in return. Do you really want him to have that when you have such bad feelings about him?

If I was you OP I’d pursue it to see where it goes, because the risk of a slightly broken heart/bruised ego would be worth the adventure/shagging a hot guy. You just need to decide whether the risk is worth it!

@determinedtomakethiswork I don't really feel bad about him. In my head, I'd love to have sex with him. I'm just not used to this, I suppose. Maybe I should lighten up and enjoy it.

If you think he is an FB, then you know it's going to end badly.

He sounds lovely, and sounds like he's really into you, or at least into having a sexual fling with you.

Why don't you ask him what he's looking for? Give him the chance to let you know his perspective. Then decide if you're interested in what he's offering.

Not everyone can do the casual thing, especially women, and that's fine. Only you know if it's right for you. I think that if you feel vulnerable and insecure, then casual sexual relationships are probably going to make you feel worse about yourself. If you're confident and happy with yourself, and know that you can attract many men, then it's easier to engage in casual relationships and keep your feelings out of it.

But right now, you don't know what exactly he wants from you. So my advice would be to ask him, get clarity on where he stands, and then decide if you want what he's offering. It's entirely up to you. If he won't give you a straight answer, makes you feel bad for asking, or gives you an answer that muddles your head, that's a red flag and you should drop him.

I need to know what the definition of a “fuckboy” is, but I really don’t want to google!! Someone help me out!

Also Op, I say go for it, as long as a PP said if you had sex and then he ghosted you you will fee a bit sad but glad you did it or broken in a heap for weeks.

I dunno if it's been said but - you brought your kid with you...and somewhere between 1 and 4 in 100 men (so potentially 1 in 25 men that means) are paedophiles. So maybe just be careful there.

I mean...he may just like a little junk in the trunk on women...

Or he may be thinking 'hmm, I can groom mummy and get at the kid'.

Abusive sorts also often (sorry it sounds a harsh way of putting it but) 'date down' looks wise in the hopes that you'll get smitten quicker.

Hell I'd still go for it... but keep it as a fling maybe.

A Player. Perhaos more specifically one that will mess with your head too.

And beware love bombers!

He's probably looking for narcissistic supply by the sounds of things (attention and adoration...then they drop you once you're smitten).

The worst thing would be to go into a sexual relationship with the hope or expectation that it will turn into something more, and then find out that's not what he wants.

So talk to him, ask him what he does want. Maybe he'll say, "one amazing night," and you can decide if you want that too. It's not really upsetting to have a one night stand or a casual sexual fling with someone if you both agree beforehand that that's what it's going to be.

I'm currently dating a gorgeous man who's 20 years younger than me. We have amazing sex, deep conversation, and laugh together all the time. But by mutual agreement, it's casual. We both want very different things and we're at different stages of life. So I just enjoy the relationship for what it is, and when it comes to an end, I'm sure we'll part with no hard feelings on either side, just gratitude for what we've had together and warm wishes for each other's future. I'll be sad, I'm sure, but it's not like having your heart ripped out by someone who's lied to you or betrayed you.

I think relationships can be anything you want them to be. But the only way to get what you want is by talking and negotiating with the other person. If you don't want to be casual and he does, then it won't work. But if you're open and honest with each other, the casual thing is much less risky.

I say go for it. At the very least you might enjoy some good sex with him

Omg sounds bloody lush , wish j had some of that!! Go for it with bells on!!

You fancy him and enjoy his company so I say have some fun, have minimal expectations and just enjoy yourself. The guy may hurt genuinely fancy you if he may be a fuckboy, only time will tell but a low pressure fling can be so much fun

Go for it but make sure you don’t get pregnant.

Also please stop being so hard on yourself, I bet you are beautiful but just have really low confidence

Imagine how regretful you're going to be in 10 or 20 years time if you don't act on this. Go for it.

Don't just do it for you, do it for us!

I'm pretty. I know it sounds cocky saying that, but I've got a good face. You wouldn't know I was fat from my face. But everything else is very big, but kind of in proportion. But I'm big big. I try to look good with clothes and make-up.
I wouldn't let any boyfriend anywhere near my kid for a very very long time. I just wouldn't. We're a unit and I don't think I'd ever let anyone ever live with us. I can't imagine that at all.
If I were to have a man in my life, I'd probably want it to be serious and committed - as in not shagging anyone else and being in love - but we'd live separately and keep our own money. I don't know if people even do that.
I did ask him what he was looking for. He said he didn't really know what he wanted, but was attracted to me because he thought I looked like a fun woman to be around and I'd caught his eye. He said he didn't know whether full-on committed was for him right now because he's bringing up his kid on his own, but who knows? Or words to that effect. But, it's not the sort of thing you talk about on a first date, is it? He kept saying he really didn't expect to be asking someone out on a date like that and we joked about him tracking me down.
That's as far as we got on that topic. The rest of the time we were laughing a lot and having some pretty good conversations. But then he did keep saying what a "blast" he'd had and how excited he was to see me again and his texts started getting a bit flirtier/more suggestive. And I just thought, well this is moving quickly, so he probably just likes the thrill of womanizing. I don't know how the game works anymore. I've had two long-term relationships and two shorter ones.

At this stage, I'm not actually hoping to have a long-term thing with him because I've not got to that stage yet. I met him on Saturday! I think I just don't want to be used? I like men to actually like me for me. I think that's what it is. So, I can't believe this guy would fancy me. That's the first thing. And then the second thing is that every other time I've been on a date - old school dates! - the intention always was to be aiming to be in a proper relationship. In my experience, anyway. I've never been on a date looking for a shag. I've been on dates in the hope of finding a partner. That's what it always was. And times have changed. I feel like a proper granny saying all this! I had my fair share of one-night stands in my early twenties, but I'm not counting those. They were drunk, ridiculous experiences and I would never want to go back to that.

I think you lot are just much cooler than me! I'm not "Worriedsick" by the way. I can't remember why that's my username now!

He might be. It might be fun. Just use protection. Nothing wrong with body types that aren't matchy-matchy.

Probably a fuckboy but if you trust yourself no reason not to enjoy it.

I have a very beautiful friend who after a string of useless partners intentionally chose a fat guy. Not her usual type at all. But he is such a decent and genuine guy. Took her to mid 30s to stop judging by looks first. They are happily married 10 years later.

I feel awful as many years ago I warned one of my lovely friends, that the hot guy who was trying to get with her was a fuckboy. Like he was/is Calvin Klein model hot and she was/is a beautiful, size 16 single mum, 7 years older than him. I don’t know what I was thinking. They’re still together and he worships her like the queen she is. He’s an Incredible step dad. They’re very happy and are having a baby together. Lesson I learned was to never assume, maybe just proceed with caution.

Has he text you anything today? What do you think from his texts, is he a womanizer? Please don't share any photos of yourself!