I think he's a fuckboy

[Worriedsick78]

So, I was on a very rare night out on Saturday. My friend was running an event and I went with my little one. I'm a single mum so I don't get out at all. I have no family nearby to babysit etc.
Anyway, this bloke, 10 years younger than me, kept smiling at me. I thought maybe he recognised me from somewhere and so smiled back. He was sitting at another table. He then left with his friends - one of whom I knew a little and had had a brief chat with that night.
About an hour after he left, he sent a FB friend request saying he hoped I didn't mind but he'd asked his friend who I was and would like to take me out. He thought I had a really amazing persona and stunning eyes. We chatted for a while on Messenger. We have friends in common. We live in the middle of nowhere. Everyone knows everyone. I'd not seen him before though.
This guy is hot. Totally out of my league. I mean totally. He's ten years younger, fit, gorgeous Viking type. I'm very very overweight, but with a pretty face. But fat fat. And in my mid forties.
So, we went for coffee yesterday. In the afternoon. We're both freelance. He was very chatty. We had a good laugh. He was flirty. We talked for a couple of hours. We had a snog at the end like a couple of teenagers.
But, I can't shake the feeling that he likes his women. He's very confident and sexy. But we just don't look right together. I'm wondering whether he's just fucking around. I reckon he is. I just don't know whether I'm brave enough to go for it, knowing that he's probably just after a shag. I mean, part of me wants to know what it's like to shag someone that hot. Or am I just setting myself up for a dose of pain? He's carried on sending messages all day today. He wants to meet again on Thursday. He said he'd be passing through my village on the way home from work and tomorrow and if I could just see him for five minutes, it would make his day. He's a fuck boy, isn't he?

If someone's a convincing liar, then sure, whatever questions you ask or whatever communication you have will be irrelevant.

But that doesn't mean that there's no point communicating with people in case they're lying to you. There's nothing to be gained from assuming that everyone you speak to is a liar.

Most liars probably think they're pretty good at it, but if talking to them leaves you confused, with less clarity and more questions than you had before you started, then you can safely assume that they're trying to distract you from their true intentions. Their actions and words probably won't align in some way that you'll pick up on. So even if someone is a liar, it's still worth talking to them because you'll probably figure it out.

@taylorswift1989 I'm not sure how I got into this chat tbh

I'm not saying communication is bad. I don't think anyone is saying that. Not for a minute.

I think many of us are saying "beware the player" as OP doesn't sound like she's accustomed to this.

Yeah, I'm not sure I'm a demisexual. But I do like to like the person, and them like me. There has to be some sort of connection.

I suppose I'm worried that if he just swans off, I'll trust men even less than I already do.

Oh so here’s actual a real term for the likes of me rather than just ‘too fussy’. I can’t even kiss someone Neil I feel a connection to them, just fancying them superficially isn’t enough.

Why? He won’t have misled you.

Why? He’s actually been pretty upfront about wanting sex. The likelihood of him being anting more is pretty remote.

So either go into it as a no strings bit of fun or tell him thanks but no thanks.

I think the fact you’re feeling like this is your gut talking to you that it’s not a good idea.

Not trust them in terms of thinking, "Oh, they're only after one thing!"

He's obviously really got the hots for you (and do stop with the but I'm fat!!! thing, because clearly he fancies your body type, as many men do!) However being very sexually attracted to you and enjoying your company won't make a player settle if that's what he is and he's not ready to stop. So, personally I'd go for what's on offer if that's what you want too, but keep your expectations well managed. He's not making promises or trying to trick you into bed and is being transparent about what he wants, so if that's all he wants, he won't have done anything wrong, so shouldn't make you distrustful of men.

Well, that seems to be what he's offering - just sex.

But just see him as one bloke who is looking for no strings sex and being totally open about it.

Hes not representative of men in general. Hes just offering a bit of fun if you want it.

Yes, that's the term. I had always assumed this was normal, but apparently it's niche! Not keen on demi-sexual as it implies a sort of lacklustre sex drive when actually it's just a different on-switch.

Well, he was very enthusiastic yesterday. He wanted to pop over and see me at 6 today because he couldn't wait until Thursday. Even if it was just a couple of minutes to say hello outside the house. He wanted us to meet on Thursday afternoon and said how happy he would be if I could make it. Well, I can't. I've got work to do. I already took Monday afternoon off to see him and now I'm playing catch up. I work from home as a freelancer. I need the work at the moment. I sent a message saying I couldn't make it on Thursday, but I'd be around at 6 if he wanted to pop over and say hello and that maybe we could have a second date at the weekend or next week instead. I got a "thanks for telling me" and nothing else. In fact, that's the only message he's sent all day. He didn't come over at 6 and hasn't been in touch since. So, I've obviously pushed his nose out of joint. Oh, well!

This. Don’t, just don’t.

Oh no..

Op don't have him to your home.

He gives me the vibes I got off this guy I met for a walk date during covid and felt like he was trying to lead me off down a dark place or something.

Seriously beware if the ones that are pushy to meet 'now'. It's not good vibes.

Don't ever meet them.qr your home either or give out your address.

I know it's to be a fling but still, always meet for a date in public first. Scope out the vibes. Test to see how well they take 'no' on things.

This little strop he's now throwing bodes badly.

I'm sorry. I was hoping you'd be able to get your freak on...and dish the details haha...bit Im thinking you should swerve this guy.

I wouldn't have let him in my house anyway. It was literally going to be outside. Actually, I said he could come in (into the business bit[ for a quick coffee. This is mine and my daughter's house and nobody gets in! He knows where I live because I'm right next to my business premises and it's well known around here. I was just going to see him outside or in the business bit. It was his suggestion to stop by! He was so "excited to see me" and "couldn't wait". I've been on a date with him. We chatted for a couple of hours and he's known to / is friends with some of my friends. So, I don't ever put myself in danger or anything. Weird that he would get all arsey. How can anyone make themselves free in the week like that?

I would say his “popping over” was for sex! Haven’t read the whole thread, only your replies. Him saying he isn’t sure what he wants is a get out clause for when he ghosts you after sex! Go for it if you fancy no strings, but I’d say he defo isn’t looking for a relationship. He’s gone in fast and he wouldn’t stick around long I don’t think. Hence the cooling off. Sorry OP but if he’s a womaniser I’d say he may even have already move on. Fun to have some flirty banter though I hope, dip your toe in the water so to speak xx

Suppose it depends on his job as to how much free time he has.

But imo saying hey let's meet tonight instead...is boundary pushing of him.

Like if he'd said 'hey I know its really short notice and no pressure but I happen to be free tonight qmd thought I'd ask if you wanted to hang out? If not, bo worries, we can catch up another day , just asking on the off chance'. Maybe thats OK.

But he has to acknowledge that it may be inconvenient amd that there's no pressure.

And certainly ...not throw a huff when you say no.

And I know you think the business part of the house is safe amd 'for a quick coffee' but...I'm not too sure that's a good move op. I suppose everything is a risk to some extent but...If he wants sex, he isn't coming over for coffee.

He knows I didn't have a babysitter for tonight. So, his suggestion really was for a quick hello outside. And for Thursday, he did say no worries if I couldn't and did mention the words 'no pressure'. Anyway, who can be doing with a stropster like that?! Maybe all the other woman just drop everything for him because of his looks. What a load of bollocks that was. All the "you're so great to be around, same sense of humour, great laughs, right up my street..." I don't get men.

He’s hoping you’re desperate. His kind of depend on desperado women. That’s why he’s got the hump. There’s nothing remotely nice or romantic about this interaction. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. He wants sex and only sex. The fact you’re wasting all this time posting about him online means you’re not the kind that’s going to be comfortable with casual sex. You probably wouldn’t even enjoy it tbh. Just block him for goodness sake.

He just wants a quick shag OP. You are reading way too much into this.
Either go for it or don't, just be safe and understand that this isn't going to end up in a relationship.

All the "you're so great to be around, same sense of humour, great laughs, right up my street..."

Look, you said at the start - in your actual header - that you thought he was a fuckboy. Now you seem annoyed he's proven himself to be one. YOU KNEW IT!

I'm not really annoyed about HIM. I don't know the bloke. It just makes me feel kind of hopeless about men. I mean, I've got to 45 and not really had a good one yet. And I'm actually a pretty decent person who doesn't go around causing any problems. I'm interesting, funny, bright and easy to get on with. I did a bit of online dating last year and got dick pics, asked if my fanny was pierced, messed about royally by one guy. So, I decided to leave it. I suppose I was quite happy at being a bit "validated" and "pursued" a little by this one. But I'm not angry or anything.

I was going to say stop fussing and enjoy the Viking sex toy who's throwing himself in your path.

But actually that stroppiness is a bad sign.

You’re so naughty 😂😂😂