I think he's a fuckboy

[Worriedsick78]

So, I was on a very rare night out on Saturday. My friend was running an event and I went with my little one. I'm a single mum so I don't get out at all. I have no family nearby to babysit etc.
Anyway, this bloke, 10 years younger than me, kept smiling at me. I thought maybe he recognised me from somewhere and so smiled back. He was sitting at another table. He then left with his friends - one of whom I knew a little and had had a brief chat with that night.
About an hour after he left, he sent a FB friend request saying he hoped I didn't mind but he'd asked his friend who I was and would like to take me out. He thought I had a really amazing persona and stunning eyes. We chatted for a while on Messenger. We have friends in common. We live in the middle of nowhere. Everyone knows everyone. I'd not seen him before though.
This guy is hot. Totally out of my league. I mean totally. He's ten years younger, fit, gorgeous Viking type. I'm very very overweight, but with a pretty face. But fat fat. And in my mid forties.
So, we went for coffee yesterday. In the afternoon. We're both freelance. He was very chatty. We had a good laugh. He was flirty. We talked for a couple of hours. We had a snog at the end like a couple of teenagers.
But, I can't shake the feeling that he likes his women. He's very confident and sexy. But we just don't look right together. I'm wondering whether he's just fucking around. I reckon he is. I just don't know whether I'm brave enough to go for it, knowing that he's probably just after a shag. I mean, part of me wants to know what it's like to shag someone that hot. Or am I just setting myself up for a dose of pain? He's carried on sending messages all day today. He wants to meet again on Thursday. He said he'd be passing through my village on the way home from work and tomorrow and if I could just see him for five minutes, it would make his day. He's a fuck boy, isn't he?

It sounds lovely, OP. You met genuinely and you’re getting on. Nothing wrong with just having some fun. He’s clearly into you.

For the record, I’m 40s, plus size, and the guy who worships the ground I walk on is almost a decade younger and very fit. I know I’m a damn good catch. Maybe this Viking will help you see how much of one you are too.

He’s just after sex. He won’t be seen for dust afterwards. If you’re ok with that go for it but your posts suggest you won’t be. You’ll probably just feel used.

This. I think he’s making it very clear what he’s like. This won’t be the first time he’s done the whole FB thing after seeing a woman out somewhere. He’s made it sexual very quickly and has said he’s not really after commitment. All fine if that’s what you want but you sound a million miles away from wanting that. Don’t be flattered by a good looking bloke if it will then leave you feeling shit afterwards. Good looking blokes up for sex are not hard to find for women!

Shag and run away in the morning!

Don't give him any money or let him move in.

I think you are reading her posts and a completely different way to the way that I'm reading them. She didn't meet him naturally. He saw her and added her on Facebook and sent naked photos of himself and said he didn't want any commitment at all.

@Worriedsick78 are his initials NL?

OK, objectively speaking this guy is probably after sex. So beware of developing feelings for him. And be strategic about when you choose to sleep with him. Don't feel pressured to sleep with him because you feel self-conscious and feel that you owe it to him. Do it only if you genuinely want to and feel comfortable.

How will you navigate this if you have no one to watch your child while you're with him?

FUCK THE FUCKBOY!

*add alcohol

Honestly, he gives me the ick just by reading about him. Fuck him or don't fuck him, it's your choice. But don't for a minute think that he likes or respects you, you're just another notch on his bedpost and probably a funny story he'll tell his mates down the pub after.

You sound really nice, too nice for his bullshit.

I had one of these for two years. It was the best fun but now over. I absolutely don’t regret it because it made me feel desired again and I’ve a new lease of life. Like you I couldn’t being her fancy me/he was so dead gorgeous and I was fat and 7 years older. Lost a lot of weight and got lots of make of male attention because I was glowing. Ironically it ended because he was so insecure and very jealous…

😂😂😂
Enjoy what ever it is and whatever it turns out to be

OK. The way he's gone about this quite clearly indicates that he wants 'fun' rather than commitment. He's not looking to deceive you.

There's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun. I hooked up with am ex boyfriend from my teens a couple of years ago. We dated as teenagers and never had sex then. He's very good looking but, for lots of reasons, we would never have worked as a couple - totally different lifestyles and wants out of life.

But he'd recently got divorced and I wasn't looking for anything serious. So we went out for dinner a couple of times, went to the cinema, had a few nights out and had sex a few times and then my now partner asked me out.

It was great. He was (and still is) a great guy - good looking, considerate, everyone likes him...

Only you know if you can have casual sex without catching feelings for someone. But there's really nothing wrong with it.

As someone else said, you're an independent woman amd independent women can have sex with someone they fancy if they want to.

No wonder people end up in hurtful and confusing situations when grown women think that communicating about your relationship is a bad idea!

Of course you should ask him what he wants. If you're thinking of having sex with him, you should ask him loads of questions. Get to know him so you can decide if he's someone worth your time.

I will never understand people who think it's easier to have sex with someone and have no idea what it means to them, than it is to have an adult conversation. If it's less vulnerable and intimate to get naked with him than to talk with him, then the sex is likely to be terrible anyway. Men who genuinely like women and sex will be able to discuss both of your wants and needs.

@taylorswift1989 But this isn't a relationship, it's asking a player a bunch of questions that he will likely answer the way he thinks he should. He's made it very clear he's after sex. I don't think OP sounds like she loves the players....who love the game!

Also never underestimate how strange people are. I've had men ask me out because they see it as a challenge because I like being single.

Also - OP this might be you - sometimes people get targeted by those who perceive them as vulnerable, or likely to be "grateful".

I'd just move on OP. You will have forgotten all about it in a couple of weeks.

Why does everyone automatically assume this is nefarious because he wants sex? He’s not hiding it.

He's made it clear that he's interested in sex with her. But discussing this with him will give so much more information about how he sees this playing out, what kind of a person he is, whether she's going to get on with him or whatever.

Why would you even consider having sex with someone who you couldn't or wouldn't ask any questions of?

And if he's lying, then his answers will be insincere, and that's usually quite easy to spot. Unfortunately, some people are very convincing liars, and there's not much you can do about that. You accept that risk when you enter into any kind of relationship with anyone. You just have to trust that your husband doesn't have another family, or your best friend isn't actually a Russian spy. Most liars are fairly easy to spot, though.

And it still doesn't mean there's no point discussing what you want from another person, what kind of sex you'd like to have, how often, what the boundaries are, and so on.

Literally nothing bad can come from having these conversations. But if you refuse to have them, you are taking a huge risk with your safety and your feelings.

For some reason, MN gets super prudish when it comes to the idea that people may want, pursue, and enjoy sex outside of long term relationships. It's a whole thing.

I agree. There’s definitely a thing where younger men want no strings sex with older women. Hes making no secret of what he’s after so it’s just if the OP feels this is something she’s happy with - my guess from her posts is no it’s not for her.
It definitely wouldn’t appeal to me - and I’ve had similar offers - but others would be happy with a bit of no strings fun.

No right or wrong OP but go with what you feel in your gut.

On your next date with him, go for a theatre show & an expensive meal & good wine, that should give you an idea of how much he cares for you, if he comes through, you could reward him with a little fun.

In terms of your weight I wouldn’t focus on that. I’m recently single and I am shocked at how many guys like my figure when I think I’m horrible and fat. It’s really eye opening and given me a lot more confidence body wise.

it depends on your personality if you think you will be upset if you sleep together and he doesn’t follow up again don’t do it, you will punish yourself (been there done that, it was like a bloody breakup). If you don’t care then absolutely go for it, see what happens have fun and if you continue to meet up after then great and if you don’t then no harm done and you had a good night.

Oh i would love some advice/ideas from you then, I always got from certain guys you have a pretty face, you just need to lose weight 🙄
Or other comments about my face.

But I am not confident with clothing, covered up and drab, so any info such as where do you shop etc i would be happy to hear.

I think with your situation no, try not to over think it too much, it's easier said than done I know.
I have been in the same situation.
And after separating from my DC's father, which was a long term relationship.
Then having a gap because of housing issues etc, didn't go out nights etc until we got our home.
And it was Covid times then, met someone and got back on the horse lol, was upset when he left the next morning, but you know how I saw it, that he was sent along to help me out lol, it wasn't meant to be more.

And then I met a younger fittie after that and thought he would probably have sex and run, but infact from what impression he got from me, because of what I was expecting him to do, he thought I was going to sleep with him and dump him lol.
So that was nice, he was a little surprised possibly disappointed when he learnt I had a DC, so I was not free to see him several times a week, but it worked out, even if for a short time.

OP, maybe you are what DC's generation, who label everything, call a 'demi-sexual.' That means you don;t really seek, want or enjoy sex with someone who you have no emotional connection with.

When they told me this terminology I thought, 'Aren't all women like that?" But apparently not. Loads of women are up for a bit of fun, with no desire for any attachment. If this isn't you then you might feel hurt if/when he goes silent on you afterwards.

I would be repulsed by a man sending me pictures of him in bed when I hardly know him. It's not prudish, it's just not a turn on. Discovering we have stuff in common is a turn on. Some stranger's tats is not. If that is how you are, you don't need to lighten up or force yourself into a fling with him for 'fun'. You get to decide what you find fun.

I don't think it's even something unusual like 'demisexual.'

Especially as women get older (and some from the get-go) men going on about sex early in you knowing them is a turn off.

I also wouldn't want to be used. These men don't care who they're talking to (unless at a push, they find the woman sexually attractive, and even that's slimy if they're going on about sex.)

@taylorswift1989 Fair enough
I'm a very good liar so I think it's hard to spot, many people are very good liars.

I think he's shown who he is, so if OP isn't happy with a ONS or fling, she should be careful, that's all.

Maybe fat women are his type.

In your position I’d have a fun fling with him but not expect more. Also be alert in case he was thinking of using me in any way eg financially.