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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My brothers wife smashed a glass in his face last night!

261 replies

ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 11:15

due to his wife, we havent spoken in almost 3 years, she hates the realitionship we had, so had his hands tied behind his back with bribery(money!) and he made his descision..he took the money, left me!

i hear through my mum their relationship is not a good one and recently he asked my mum what to do..

early this morn, my mum rings, brother is in hospital been transfered from his local one as she threw(dont know how a throw can be THAT accurate?) a glass at his face..hes been in all night, had xrays etc and is now going into surgery at 2pm.
Ive rang him at hosp, after all regardless of what shes done to me hes still my brother and must be quite scared right now..he may lsoe the site in one of his eyes, he has to have invasive surgery to remove the glass..his biggest fear is hospital and eyes(used to wind him up by touching my eyeball as kids)..i asked practical things like were is car(so it didnt get clamped if at hosp) and what his work number was(so i could let them know whats happend), if he needed anything and told him regardless, im here for him if he ever needs me.

he's not a timid fellow so i know there could have been more to all this, but the fact is, hes in hosp and may lose his site because of this crazy, lunatic..but because ive been out of 'the loop' for 3 years i dont know what else i can do..im at work right now but have asked my mum to go buy him some comfy clothes(shorts t-shirt undies etc) for when she goes up when hes out of surgery..but i dont know what i can do?

they have two children who are with her i guess, hes worried if my mum says anything to her shell keep them away, but said thats it with her now so god knows what else has been happening?

by dp is impartial as he knows what my brother put me through and then chose her and disowned me so thinks im mad to be concerned and crazy when i said i would go see him at my mams(hes asked if he can stay with her when he gets out)

Things dont just wash away and im still very hurt but i see this now as the important thing, cant forget but have to move on(proably get kicked down again by him, hes like that)but i just want to do the right thing and let him know if will be ok...dont even know what im asking here, just cant talk to anyone in RL cos they either say im mad, they saw it coming or something..just needed to get it down i think..god families

OP posts:
Baffy · 13/03/2008 11:21

I think you're very brave to stand up and say that despite all the water under the bridge and what your brother did, you still love him and still care for him.

He's lucky to have you as a sister.
(But I doubt he's fully aware of that.)

All you can do is what you're doing. Show support however you can, and let him know you still love him.

He may reject that again. But there is nothing you can do about that. It will be his loss.
At least you can sleep easy knowing that in times of need, you put your family first.

I hope your brother is ok and the op goes well.

TotalChaos · 13/03/2008 11:21

that's terrible. I really hope that he has the strength to leave her and report her to the police. Courts tend to bend over backwards to give fathers contact, so he shouldn't worry too much in the long term about seeing the kids. It might help you to speak to women's aid - for advice to help you and him - even if they don't deal with men in this situation they should be able to point you in the right direction.

TotalChaos · 13/03/2008 11:21

abusive controlling partners aren't always male - and they can be very adept at isolating partners from their family.

Original poster
ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 11:30

Baffy im in tears reading that..most people just say im soft and a push over, i always end up trying to be the bigger person, 9 out of 10 times it backfires on me, but he's my brother at the end of the day, i know he has his own mind and she cant force him to do anything, but she is a manipulative btich and the threats will have included their children etc..i dont think he has reported her as i say hes worried about seeing his kids and believe me, the stories she can come up with are phenomonal..for egs, when they had an argument yers ago he was on his way to me, she got in firsdt by rining me and said he had been selling drugs with his friend(the guy is dodgy, but brother knows that life is too risky with children, he doesnt touch anything remotely like that)..and said i shouldnt let him in as hes a danger to my dd!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 11:31

total chaos, i cant say 100% but i belive he wont contact anyone regarding this for help..he a 'bloke' a gadgy, not the kind to admit his feeling or thigns like this

OP posts:
Original poster
ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 11:43

totalchaos, just found 'mensaid' too, but not that much info..i just want to(if i get the chance) reassure him he wont/cant lose contact with his children if he leaves this idiot

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 13/03/2008 11:53

Rose, my lovely, so sorry that you and you family are going through this. I agree with everything, everyone else has said. I hope your brother is OK this afternoon. Get on the GMTV website. They are raising awareness of exactly this kind of abuse all this week.

Original poster
ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 11:57

oh Mo, yes, i caught that yesterday!..have to wake mindee up and take to school now, but will try and snatcha look before meeting this afty..cant get in touch with mam, she wont know anything, but just sitting on hands here, need to be doing something to help

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 13/03/2008 12:01

There's nothing you can do atm. He is in safe hands. I wonder if the hospital will raise concerns to anybody? I really don't know how it works. Do you think the children are at immediate risk? Where is the partner now?

beaniesteve · 13/03/2008 12:51

there's a big difference between what you say in the title of the thread (Smashed into his face) and what you go on to describe. Yes throwing glass is dangerous, as is throwing anything, but you made it sound ten times worse than it actually is.

expatinscotland · 13/03/2008 12:55

huh, beanie?

the man is going into surgery because his wife assaulted him.

he may lose sight in one of his eyes.

but somehow Rose is exaggerating?!

wannaBe · 13/03/2008 13:01

I think what beanie means is that there is a difference between taking a glass and smashing it into someone's face, and throwing a glass at someone and it hitting them in the face.

Either way it's not acceptable behavior though.

expatinscotland · 13/03/2008 13:03

it's assaulting someone either way.

it's abuse.

it resulting in someone becoming seriously injured, so who cares about the semantics!

ffs, if this had been a woman posting about a man doing this to her, there would have been outcry.

Original poster
ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 13:25

thanks so much for correcting me BeanieSteve, obviously you know better than i waht damage someone can do by throwing a glass at someone else face!
the damage thats been done to his eye is not how it would be had someone 'thrown' a glass at him, there are pieces of glass stuck INSIDE his eye, thats all we have got from him whilst he tells mym mum at th recption desk in front of a couple of nurses..im ever so sorry for letting YOU know about my brother and misleading you..thanks for your input, so much help!

OP posts:
Original poster
ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 13:28

exactly Expat thankyou..what the fuck has it got to do with anyone how i 'phrase' what happend to him, why am i 'misleading' some nosy bored person i dont know!..why feel the need to look, then instead of post suggestions or something just say 'oh you are misleading ME'..i am NOT in the mood for this...he's going down in half an hour, he's very upset, mum cant ring him again before he goes in as she said he's getting more and more upset each time and obv crying is not easy or painless for him right now[sa]d

OP posts:
Original poster
ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 13:30

"there's a big difference between what you say in the title of the thread (Smashed into his face) and what you go on to describe. Yes throwing glass is dangerous, as is throwing anything, but you made it sound ten times worse than it actually is. !...so beanie steve, how bad it is really then??..just a little scratch, ? maybe it didnt happen at all eh?, maybe im jut as bored as you are posting stupid comments on here???are you a nurse at his hospital??? his surgeon??

OP posts:
littlelapin · 13/03/2008 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beaniesteve · 13/03/2008 13:34

Sorry!

Have a nice day.

crace · 13/03/2008 13:35

I agree with expat here, he should press charges, that is out and out abuse or assault. AND she is controlling him, he is being controlled and abused.

Rose, ignore the other bit - he is seriously injured regardless of the "means" of the injury. Not helpful.

Anyway, you are doing exactly what you should and can - be supportive as much as you can (do try and protect yourself from being hurt again hon).

It sounds like a terrible situation for your brother, and your family. I am very sorry. x

Original poster
ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 13:36

Thanks Lapin, obv i am stressed..the fact my big huge bloky brother is crying and is in so much pain has me in pieces.

no matter what hes done, he needs us all riight now to be there for him, i know thats all i can do and i know i may get shit upon again, but it wont stop me..ill fel better doing that than destering him when he needed me

OP posts:
beaniesteve · 13/03/2008 13:39

My point was more that the OP obviously has serious issues with her sister in law, and also that noone knows what goes on in a relationship behind closed doors. I just thought that there are two sides to every story and that without the other woman being here to defend herself (or indeed the brother) maybe it would be wrong to make a judgement about their behaviour based purely upon one post which DOES say one thing in the title and another in the main body.

I realise that it may have looked like I was suggesting the injusry wasn't serious but that wasn't my intention.

mummylin2495 · 13/03/2008 13:41

i do hope your brother will be ok ,my son was attacked 17 years ago and had a glass ground in both sides of his neck,it was terrible at the time but thankfully all the nerve damage he sustained is now fine. I know how upsetting this is and like your brother my son was distraught at the time.All he has now is very thin scars on his neck.It could of been so much worse,thank god it wasnt.Hope he soon gets well.

Original poster
ROSEgarden · 13/03/2008 13:41

beabiesteve just go away..i do not need a session explaining what my SIL did,to you or anyone, that is not the point, rgardless of what ahs gone on, HE is in hospital, poss losing an eye..im sure shes all sweetness and light and it was all my brothers fault really..go interfear in someone elses problems, your not helping and your 'opinions' on this matter are unwanted.

OP posts:
meemar · 13/03/2008 13:42

I think OP's issues with sister are irrelevant. So is the 'other side to the story'.

The fact is that the man is in hospital having eye surgery because he was assaulted with a glass by his wife.

I don't see the point is disputing how the glass was delivered.

crace · 13/03/2008 13:43

There are always two sides of each story, but in essence the OP is looking for support for HER and her brother and their past relationship. Also, in great distress over what is happening to him. Regardless of the brother and his wifes relationship, things are seriously wrong if he can't talk to family members, scared of losing his children, and being seriously injured. We don't need to know much else really.

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