My brothers wife smashed a glass in his face last night!

[ROSEgarden]

due to his wife, we havent spoken in almost 3 years, she hates the realitionship we had, so had his hands tied behind his back with bribery(money!) and he made his descision..he took the money, left me!

i hear through my mum their relationship is not a good one and recently he asked my mum what to do..

early this morn, my mum rings, brother is in hospital been transfered from his local one as she threw(dont know how a throw can be THAT accurate?) a glass at his face..hes been in all night, had xrays etc and is now going into surgery at 2pm.
Ive rang him at hosp, after all regardless of what shes done to me hes still my brother and must be quite scared right now..he may lsoe the site in one of his eyes, he has to have invasive surgery to remove the glass..his biggest fear is hospital and eyes(used to wind him up by touching my eyeball as kids)..i asked practical things like were is car(so it didnt get clamped if at hosp) and what his work number was(so i could let them know whats happend), if he needed anything and told him regardless, im here for him if he ever needs me.

he's not a timid fellow so i know there could have been more to all this, but the fact is, hes in hosp and may lose his site because of this crazy, lunatic..but because ive been out of 'the loop' for 3 years i dont know what else i can do..im at work right now but have asked my mum to go buy him some comfy clothes(shorts t-shirt undies etc) for when she goes up when hes out of surgery..but i dont know what i can do?

they have two children who are with her i guess, hes worried if my mum says anything to her shell keep them away, but said thats it with her now so god knows what else has been happening?

by dp is impartial as he knows what my brother put me through and then chose her and disowned me so thinks im mad to be concerned and crazy when i said i would go see him at my mams(hes asked if he can stay with her when he gets out)

Things dont just wash away and im still very hurt but i see this now as the important thing, cant forget but have to move on(proably get kicked down again by him, hes like that)but i just want to do the right thing and let him know if will be ok...dont even know what im asking here, just cant talk to anyone in RL cos they either say im mad, they saw it coming or something..just needed to get it down i think..god families

morning girls, thanks for your posts..ive rang around this morn and got no were..no one will tell me if she is or sint a hv for them?..according to brother a few days ago when i mentioned it, she is one step away from a HV, she goes around with a HV and shes more focused on the childrens side of it, so maybe she isnt classed as an actual HV? and no one will disclose if she works for them or not???

TBH, ive dealt with the rejection of him a few times before and ive always tried to make up(when dd born etc), but this time im glad ive kind of kept at arms lengh, im more of an outsider looking in..and your right Sakura, as soon as i meniotned SS my mum and then at hops mum and aunty almost bound and gaged me there in car park, they were very full on and i said that no i was just suggesting the children may be at risk and that ss should be informed i didnt say I was going to ring them here and now..well they flapped and kept saying oh no, non eof YOURE business(bitch aunty, who knows i havent seen him for 3 years just rubbing it in)..i said but no one KNEW she would do this to him, how do we know she wouldnt do anything to the kids???..they didnt have an argument

I sincerily hope she does get struck off BB, thats most definatly the least that should happen, even before this happend i always said she was not in the right industry, shes hasnt a caring bone in her body!

Fawkeoff, so sorry to hear about you brother too, its horrible the way people can behave and get away with it whilst tearing a family apart..hopefully what goes around comes around and they will all get their just deserts!

I know 3NAB..but will the police go ahead and press charges? and if so what are they doing now?????
surely they wont jsut sit on their ahnds till brother gives the go ahead???

oh im gunna have to text him, see whats going on, this is killing me here having my hands tied, ill try and be as breezy as i can in a full on interogating way

Can you ring the police and ask what is going on? They might also be able to help re the wife.

Poor you. That is awful. However, it you are doing the right thing to show him your support. The same woudl apply if it was a sister/friend being domestically abused by their husband. You can talk to them, but ultimately it is their choice what they wish to do.

Is there any way you can point him in the right direction of any organisations that help people suffering domestic abuse? I am not up on them, but sure others on here would be able to provide you with some websites/phone numbers that you could tell him about.

I think you need to gently tell him that if he keeps accepting this treatment from her, the kids will learn that it is ok to hit and maim people when things are not going your way.

Is he going to report the assault? It would be worth exploreing that (Again as non-judgemental ro directing as you can) - as if they did split, the mum would likely get the kids, unless there was a good reason why not.

who would i ring 3NAB?, they dont live in this town and he was in two hospitals, dont know in which he gave statement?..could i ring town centre staion?, would they have/give me info???

Hi PP, have passed on names and numbers via mum to him, i really dont think hes rang any of them..yes im sure she would still get the kids and he would get access, mum still really doesnt think hell go back to her..the rest of us have yet to be convinced...have just text him, but he is working so might not get chance to reply..it was 3 pages long.with lots of question marks..whats happening re police/ss, are you still in pain, what have they give you...so concern as well as questions..just want to know for selfish as well as concerned reasons..i want to make sure shes punished!

oh rose, i agree with the others on here that there is only so much you can do here and that the dysfunctional lot of them cant be your priority... what if you were to write to / speak to the police in your area / and ss telling them about background and concerns that her employers / governing body should be aware of all this. you will have done what you can? at least for now...

Ring the police station in his town and ask for advice. I don't know how much they would tell you though. Ask about pressing charges when your brother seems reluctant. Where is he living now? Where are his wife and the kids?

the police may well decide to press charges even if he doesn't...it's not as if he has just recieved a slap around the face is it....he's lost his sight in one for gods sake!!!!. I really do feel that you are fighting a losing battle with your brother, has he even instigated that he is happy you are concerned??? i just feel that you are going to end up hurt again. The only thing you can really do is ring social services because the police wont give you any information.

nope, police wont give any info to me!..didnt even get to give them the details, only brother and her can enquire!

hes still at mams 3NAB and has seen kids a few times(he went up with work collegue twice(to collect stuff and see kids) and the once i saw them shopping then on easter monday her brother brought them down(i think it was her brother??) to mams
her and the kids are still in the family home.

i know Fawkeoff, you can probably see into my future, you sound a lot like me, straight forward and wont fanny about with what if's, it will most probably end in tears(for me) , ive sent the text, he should answer at some point, he does seem happy i am intersted, but then he knows i hate her anyway and that he will have someone to winge with while hes bitching about her!

off to wake mindee up now for school run, thankyou girls..its great to ahve you here for advice and support..back later

I don't understand why the police have let her have the kids and he has had to move out but maybe they feel she isn't a risk to the children. You know what, the sh*t would have so hit the fan if he had done it to her and he would have been arrested by now.

as long as you're prepared for what lies ahead...you are being the bigger person even though he has hurt you in the past, at least IF it goes tits up you know that you did the best you could for him and that you tried to instigate a relationship with him, and in my honest opinion it would be his loss if you weren't in his life x x x

thanks Fawkeoff..thats exactly how ive been tryin to explain it to dp..i need to feel that i 'could' be there for him when he needed me regardless of what went on(hell i even defended my father one time..after what he did, that confused me!)
i havent heard back from text, i wont text again, but i will keep civil and one day he might suddenly realsie he dropped the wrong person..maybe he wont..who knows

3NAB, i know!, he would have been locked up from word go wouldnt he!
I think SHE is still there in home cos brother was in hosp for almost a week, so he 'couldnt ' be there and she just stayed put..and again, he doesnt want to upheave the children, theyre trying(or at least brother is) to keep the kids 'oblivious' to whats really happening..TBH, without telling her all the gory details, I think I would tell my dd what had happend..not in a gory way, just that x hapend mummy did it and she is now very sorry but we have to work very hard to sort things out and i will be living at x from now on...its really a mess and a very secretive one at that..al very dodgy to me

Fawkeoff are you a name changer? i feel like i 'know' you IYKWIM?? have we spoken under diff names(ive been many..pinkchick/strawberrysnowflakes/evesmama)

im not a namechanger....i havent been on here for a while, I just wanted you to know that i understand what ur going through to a certain extent x you are doing the right thing in not texting him back. He may well feel ashamed for the fact that he isn't going to pursue the prosecution and doesn't want you to feel bad about him. I chose to wash my hands of the situation with my brother because I could not deal with it. We dont have a relationship at all reall now, it was his sons christening a couple of weeks ago and i didnt bother going, i just sent a present with my mum, i am done pretending that he actually gives a shit....sorry for the ramble lol

[email protected] you want to msn me any evening the feel free to x im off college for 2 weeks so have a bit of time on my hands

Hi Rose, I've just read the whole of this thread in complete and utter horror. I can't even begin to imagine how I would react in your situation. I can't offer any solutions, but I just wanted to say I really admire the fact that you were so supportive for your brother, and able to put the hurt of his rejection of you behind you in his hour of need. DP sounds like he is trying hard to support you, but I know how difficult it can be with siblings. I argue with my three sisters, but whatever they do and however they hurt me, the unconditional love just kicks in and I drop everything to be there for them. I wish you all the very best in the future and hope that you are able to get some closure on the situation, even if things don't work out the way they should.

Hi guys, FAWKEOFF, no i dont remember ever seeing this name and your 'tone' sounded familier..how daft does that sound

your brothers LO christening sounds like my brothers wedding and his ds's birthday, the irthday was the last time i saw them, we hadnt been invited but my mum wanted a lift so i went, with dd and mum with present...and was blanked by her(after a look of disgust at me turning up) and when i saw brother i said congrats about wedding(not then married) and he said nothing to do with him, complete farce, all her doing hes leaving her too it!..so after several more months of her bitching about me to family and friends, the wedding invite came through the psot..so i tossed and turned for weeks before i finally decided i couldnt go, she was poisening all my family(this aunty weve spoke of was a big one!) and i wasnt going to go and be whisperd about..so that gave her more amunition then as it was SUCH a big deal i didnt go to her wedding..apart from the fact it was done to clear debts(bribed into marriage with promise of debts cleared!), he said it was a farce..and he always maintained 'we were cool'..so why was i informaed of wedding re an invite to my dp??..he always said MY dd was like one of his own he loved her that much..if everything was 'cool' with us, why wasnt she involved in wedding???..wasnt botherd really as i could see it was going that way but his pathetic excuses held no water with me.

anyway..im whittering now!..just back from grocery shopping (i take mum) and she said oh (brother) has said it (my names0 birthday sunday isnt it, what pefume does she like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oops but i kind of went off on one with mum, i explained AGAIN that although i am here for his becuase of this horrible incident, i cant erase the past and he has in no way tried to make amends despite managing to do everything else normal so quickly..i said he cant repair our relationship with a bottle of perfume, mum said he doesnt know what to say to sort it out and she thinks he will jsut 'pretend' nothing happend, so i said that i was the one on the receiving end, i cant make the hurt go away, but a recognition of the fact he knows he treat me badly would go a long way...anyway.went in to see him when i took mums shopping in and he was asleepor pretending to be?)so i didnt get to speak to him, nor did i get text back..anyway, back to th thread, i guess he's shatterd last two days hes worked long days and is still in lots of pain, am hoping that eases very soon.

he asked my mumt oday to take some cash and go and get hima few work shirts/ties etc..when my mum asked why he didnt go to the house for his own, he said becuase he didnt want to see that bitch!!??..all very confusing!

Hi Arthursmum, you're right it clicked tonight and i told my mum that my first reaction to see he was ok, must be the unconditional love of sibling..then the crap kicks in and gets confusing
am working hard to keep this about brother and his eye, but things just arn't progressing and im worried about him again now!

yeah im totally with you regards to the bottle of perfume...like that is going to make things better. now i know that men aren't experts in remorse or showing emotion but a "sorry im a twat for ever letting anything come between me and my family...you didnt deserve it"
that would be more acceptable, like you haven't been hurt. if i could i would kick the shit out of her for you x

LOl, thats exactly the words he should chose!..hes a typical bloke tho, he KNOWS hes done wrong but cant/wont admit it and thinks it will brush under the carpet, well im afraid it wont, until something is said it wil always lie between us and dp although not nasty or giving me ultimatums about it, says he will not go to mams while hes there as things 'are not ok' and he cant go and be oh hiya are you ok after all this time like nothings happend..

He never text me back BTW

and the thing is if he did say to me, i am really sorry i didnt see the wood for the trees and totally made the wrong choices, i could then be 'more' there for him as id know then he must have an ounce of respect for me..i know he has more rpessing things on his mind, but he doesnt seem to realise how by doing this one little thing could make lots of things easier!

i understand what you mean....it's a really horrible thing what has happened to him, but he seems to be using it as his get out of jail free card IYKWIM..... He should be grateful that you have tried to put the hurt aside and be there for him, the least he could do is say sorry to you. I honestly can't blame your DP though, he has witnessed first hand how much he hurt you and because he loves you doesn't want you to go through it all again.I think you should cool things off where your brother is concerned, he didn't text you back so unless he has anything to say that you want to hear (which is unlikely) go back to focusing on yourself and your family under your roof....they love you more than anything x