Boyfriend Blows Up At Me Over Everything

[CathK82]

Hi
ive been dating my guy for nearly a year and a half. We don’t live together. I have a 16 year old daughter with my ex husband and it’s easier to have our own space.
My problem is my bf tends to blow up at me so easily and even when it’s over issues that are either trivial or in my opinion not my fault. He also seems to have double standards but when I discuss this, he gets angry and whenever he’s angry he shouts and lets out the profanities. Never apologises. Sometimes I get silent treatment. He will get in moods and bring up the past instead of letting it go, often reminding me of my mistakes.
He talks to a few females who he’s previously dated and says they’re just friends. He still has contacts in his phone from when he was on Tinder although says he doesn’t talk to them. But he’s made me delete every male out my phone and doesn’t want anyone even guys from over 20 years ago in high school messaging hello. I’ve had a couple men express interest in me since I started dating him and I’ve been honest enough to tell him and naturally I put the men in their place because I’m taken. I’ve never flirted with anyone or tried to get a guys attention but my bf yells at me and tells me I’m too friendly and I’m naive and get kicks out of demeaning him with male attention. No I don’t. But it’s ok for him to demean me by watching porn in front of me and then rejecting me because he’s had his fun with porn. I went to get my daughter from her friends house and the friends dad is single and he had a 5 minute chat with me literally about our daughters and single parenting - and I was shouted at and sworn at for being too engaging with this man.
I get run down for everything and called names and then he will bring incidents up over and over like I’m a child being taught a lesson. I’m a very loyal person and do whatever I can to show him that yet I’m still in trouble. If I point out the things he does that upset me such as talking to exes, then im called insecure, stupid, childish or told to shut up.
Maybe he has valid points, but to me it seems like he has the upper hand here and has different rules for himself and me.

Why are you putting up with this? Sounds awful.

What is the point of even being with him. He brings nothing positive to your life and lots of negatives. He sounds emotionally abusive. Raise your bar and dump him.

Fucking hell.
He’s an absolute piece of shit.
He’s controlling and abusive.

you aren't married, don't live together and he's a complete asshole.

This is easy. End the relationship. Block him on all communication channels. Move on with your much better life.

This is abuse.

You don't need to be in this abusive relationship.

If you don't feel safe to leave it without support, contact women's aid.

@CathK82
So given all of his faults, why do you stay with him? He does rude and unkind things , but it is you makes the decision to remain in the relationship. You do not even have the problem of putting him out of your home.

"Dear BF,
Welcome to dumpsville, population: you."

Seriously, just dump and stop letting your daughter learn that men treat women like shit and get away with it and that her role is to put up with it when she grows up.

You dont need his permission to end it.

What are his redeeming qualities? I assume he's got some? He sounds an arsehole.

Because I start wondering if I am in the wrong sometimes and him being mad is normal - any guy would react the same, it’s my fault such as couple guys hitting on me (even though I didn’t encourage them at all). At times when he’s mad at me I think maybe I’m at fault

I didn't read to the end, please end it with this man. He is no good for you and your daughter is learning about relationships from you. Think about completing the Freedom Programme on line.

He sounds really horrible. Just dump him. Not fair on your daughter to bring a man like that into her life either.

It is normal to want to explain to yourself why someone you care about is being dreadful, so you blame yourself.
But objectively this is abusive behaviour and it isnt your fault at all.

She doesn’t see or hear anything because we don’t live with him and I only stay overnight with him when she’s at a friend or her dads

I’m a very loyal person and do whatever I can to show him that yet I’m still in trouble.
Look up Paranoid Personality Disorder. Then clear your browser history. I'm not diagnosing anything but what you have described is serious and he could be very dangerous if challenged as he'll think he's losing control over you and they can be really vindictive.
Contact Women's Aid's domestic abuse helpline. This one is going to be a total bastard to get rid of. When you leave, DO NOT TELL HIM.

Yep definitely one set of standards for himself and one for you

What's wrong with talking to other men and being engaging?

This type of behaviour has nothing to do with you put his general distrusting nature around women. Don't try to be too nice and accomodating, it's not your job to fix hix his insecurities.

All this is easier said than done, I know.

However be mindful that he doesn't isolate you from people. Be connected to other women and men no matter what because you nevet want to be in that place where someone this obsessive and jealous is your only friend and your only enemy.

Why would you want to date such a horrible person? Ask yourself that.

I would put money on your ex being abusive and you growing up with some very skewed fews of how women should behave.

For the record, no, it is not normal for a man to be completely furious that his partner/girlfriend/wife has any interaction with other men or to insist that every man she has ever met must be purged from her contact list. That is, in fact, disturbingly UNNORMAL and a massive red flag.

@CathK82
What he demonstrates is not jealousy; it is control. Why would bother to mention other men hitting on you when you know exactly what the response will be? Do you need a man so desperately that you willingly tolerate this behavior?

You're not at fault tho

It's your brain's way of maintaining control, if you feel guilty it also means you have more power here than you really do.

He SHOULD be replaced by another better man.

This man is a controlling abuser who will probably move on to violence. Your daughter will certainly be picking up messages that this is what to expect from relationships. Please leave him - thank his you didn’t move in together.

Why would it matter if you are in the wrong or not ? This relationship clearly doesn’t work for you, so even if you were the one who’d done every wrong and he’d been perfect boyfriend, you would still be better off ending a relationship that doesn’t work for you.

you don’t need a good enough reason to end a relationship.

Regardless of whether he's diagnosable or not, I think this might be useful. Starts explaining at 2:33:

Please don't stay with someone who makes you feel horrible.

Teach your daughter that relationships are about mutual respect and love.

This isn't it.

You deserve to be happy don't you? This man will never make you happy.

F