Boyfriend Blows Up At Me Over Everything

[CathK82]

Hi
ive been dating my guy for nearly a year and a half. We don’t live together. I have a 16 year old daughter with my ex husband and it’s easier to have our own space.
My problem is my bf tends to blow up at me so easily and even when it’s over issues that are either trivial or in my opinion not my fault. He also seems to have double standards but when I discuss this, he gets angry and whenever he’s angry he shouts and lets out the profanities. Never apologises. Sometimes I get silent treatment. He will get in moods and bring up the past instead of letting it go, often reminding me of my mistakes.
He talks to a few females who he’s previously dated and says they’re just friends. He still has contacts in his phone from when he was on Tinder although says he doesn’t talk to them. But he’s made me delete every male out my phone and doesn’t want anyone even guys from over 20 years ago in high school messaging hello. I’ve had a couple men express interest in me since I started dating him and I’ve been honest enough to tell him and naturally I put the men in their place because I’m taken. I’ve never flirted with anyone or tried to get a guys attention but my bf yells at me and tells me I’m too friendly and I’m naive and get kicks out of demeaning him with male attention. No I don’t. But it’s ok for him to demean me by watching porn in front of me and then rejecting me because he’s had his fun with porn. I went to get my daughter from her friends house and the friends dad is single and he had a 5 minute chat with me literally about our daughters and single parenting - and I was shouted at and sworn at for being too engaging with this man.
I get run down for everything and called names and then he will bring incidents up over and over like I’m a child being taught a lesson. I’m a very loyal person and do whatever I can to show him that yet I’m still in trouble. If I point out the things he does that upset me such as talking to exes, then im called insecure, stupid, childish or told to shut up.
Maybe he has valid points, but to me it seems like he has the upper hand here and has different rules for himself and me.

I admit I’ve never felt I can fully trust him because of contact with exes and having two phones, porn addiction, hanging onto Tinder contacts.

Kindly, you don’t need our validation. You know how you feel - these are your words.

As a reminder: you don’t need to meet a set of criteria in order to justify ending a relationship. You can just do it.

Good Luck OP

Thank you everyone. I definitely will be ending this. I do not want to spend my life on eggshells or feeling unappreciated

He's a pathologically jealous controlling abuser.

And no, any other guy would not be the same.

I've been with a guy like this ... They never change and it's unworkable. It's abuse.

He also sounds like he could be a cheater.

Sounds like he projects that onto you.

hes gotten worse over time. I cannot talk to him about anything as he just gets mad, blames me, or ignores me.

I’ve always had gut feelings he will cheat especially with his lack of interest sexually in me get addicted to porn and his weird fantasies plus talking to exes.

OP

Please do what this poster says: public place, and ideally with a man accompanying you.
If you have any male friends or relatives, it would be great if they could stay at your house for a few days in case he comes over.

Doesn't matter.

The only thing that matters is that you're not happy. That's enough to end it.

The 'whys' are irrelevant

I will have this ended this weekend. Ad nuts add as it will seem to readers here, I do love him for the good sides so it’s not exactly going to be a 100% easy thing

It doesn't seem nuts at all, it's not your fault you've been targeted by an abusive man, but now you've had your eyes opened you REALLY need to go through with ending this, for your daughter's sake as much as your own. PPs have given great advice about having male relatives or friends around you if at all possible.
You'll be so much happier without all the constant aggro he brings to your life - you'll look back and wonder why on earth it took you so long

Definitely will end it. Fortunately the only things I have at his place are a few toiletries. I don’t even need to go there. At least I won’t have to have him telling me how to parent anymore

My daughter dislikes him and vice versa. They keep away from each other.
im definitely ending this relationship this week

gets mad over every man who talks to me. I chat to a man who lives in my street and I’m walking past his place. He is 73 and harmless and has a wife but my bf thinks that the man has sexual interest in me. I can’t do anything without it seeming nefarious

He thinks every man has a sexual interest in you because that is how he acts himself. He has an interest in every woman.
Honestly get rid. you'll end up incredibly hurt by this man because his double standards are very telling.

I mean him using porn and then rejecting you is more than enough to get rid of him even before everything else you mention.

This is easy to resolve - just end the relationship!

I agree. I’ve said these exact same things to him and he just denies it and says I’m being pathetic and demanding. Or I’ve been told to Fk off.

You deserve SO much better OP. And even just the fact that he and your daughter don't see eye to eye means there's no realistic future here anyway, even without all the other absolutely horrible stuff he's doing. Just imagine all the time, energy and effort you've wasted stressing over him and being made to feel rubbish/ doubt yourself, you can now spend on your daughter or doing things for you. Good luck and well done making the right decision x

Well I would Fk off. Right out of his life.

Good!

You really need to work on yourself before you get involved again with a man. Your standards are appalling to have put up with this for so long!

He must be shit hot in bed for you to put up with this.

Bet there's plenty hot shit guys in bed who will treat you much better.

@CathK82 - he’s a shit sandwich. Looks tasty on the outside but the inside is 💩 You wouldn’t take a bite of a cake that had poop in the mix would you? Bin him where he belongs, you deserve so much better. And why wait til the weekend?!

For someone who's such a wanker unless you have things at his place you want back you would be totally justified in texting him and then blocking him.

I often wonder how a man could possibly to be shit hot in bed if he was so shit in other ways.

Obviously he could be physically gorgeous, well endowed, last for a long time,and be very technically accomplished, but I couldn't blank out my memory and overlook his shit treatment of me to focus purely on his physical prowess. Do many people compartmentalise to this extent?

No he is not hot in bed. Yes I find him good looking, nice body but he is actually a selfish lover and also prefers porn

Stay strong OP. when you end it be prepared for love bombing or him claiming d'épandeur threatening suicide. It's all control and abuse. Be prepared for it and don't give in.

If you have a hidden key or if he has a key change your locks before you dump him.

He’s a head fuck, just end it now before he fries your mind and you’re in a spiral of self-doubt with your confidence and self-esteem disappearing at an alarming rate and then he’ll have full control